Chapter 5 #2
“I hope you do,” Aspen replied easily. “We’ve all been through a lot of shit, but we’re stronger because of the people we have around us,” she said.
“You’ve got one hell of an impenetrable outer shell.
I’m not saying you haven’t earned it the hard way, all I’m saying is that you’re safe with us.
Me, Gillian, Kinley, and Riley. We’ll have your back. No matter what.”
“Thanks,” Devyn choked out.
“And then there’s Lucky,” Aspen said with a grin. “You know that man wants in there bad, right?”
Devyn was relieved Aspen had lightened the mood. “Who even says that?” she asked.
“Me. And you should know we’ve all been talking about you two. The girls, that is. We’ve kind of got a betting pool going on about when you guys are finally going to do the deed.”
Devyn almost spit out the sip of water she’d just taken. “Oh my God, no you don’t!”
“We do. Gillian’s gonna lose; she said three months from now. Kinley’s a little more optimistic and said you’d probably already made love. Riley took a month and a half from now.”
“And you?” Devyn asked with a grin.
Aspen cocked her head and examined Devyn with a little more intensity than she was comfortable with.
“You don’t trust easily. And even though you’ve been here with us for a while, you’re still trying to decide if this is where you want to stay.
You’re still working part time, even though I know the vet you work for has begged you to go full time.
You want Lucky, but you’re also trying to protect your heart from him.
But he’s gotten through, at least a little. So I said within the month.”
Devyn knew she was blushing. “He’s amazing,” she admitted.
“The way he is with Angel and Whiskers is adorable. He has the patience of a saint. He doesn’t get upset when Angel cowers in the back of her crate.
He just sits on the hard floor in front of it, letting her get used to the sound of his voice and his presence.
And damn if every time she’s not sitting in his lap by the end of the night.
Sometimes I feel as if I’m exactly like his pets.
Hoping to be loved and cherished, but scared to death to take what I want. ”
Aspen reached out and took hold of Devyn’s hand and placed it on her swollen belly. Devyn didn’t flinch away from the intimate gesture. “Feel that?” Aspen asked.
Devyn nodded as the tiny baby in Aspen’s belly kicked.
“I spent so much time trying to fit into a man’s world, being tough and pretending not to care when men belittled me and told me I wasn’t good enough to be a combat medic, that I forgot it was all right to be a woman.
It was okay to want to be loved, to like flowers, and to want to be a mother.
Being with Brain taught me that it’s okay to be exactly who I am.
Someone who can be tough as hell in the middle of a firefight overseas, or crying on the couch eating chocolate while watching a sappy chick flick.
“We all want to be loved, Devyn. There’s nothing wrong with that.
We want people to like us, we don’t want to upset the apple cart, so to speak, but life isn’t always going to be perfect.
People are going to think we’re bitches, or that we’re selfish, or a million other derogatory things.
But when you find the person who loves you exactly how you are, warts and all, what others think about you kinda falls to the wayside.
The assholes don’t matter as much anymore.
I always wanted to be a mother, but I focused all my energy on fitting in with men who didn’t accept me as I am.
And now I am pregnant—and happier than I’ve ever been.
Take a chance on Lucky. He’s a good man. One of the best.”
Devyn sniffed. Hard. “You’re making me cry, bitch,” she told Aspen.
“Good. Because I’ve cried more in the last couple months than I have in years. These pregnancy hormones are no joke.”
Devyn took her hand back. “Are you scared?” she asked.
“About giving birth?”
Devyn nodded.
Aspen shook her head but said, “Terrified.”
They shared a smile.
“I know how it all works. Hell, I’ve even birthed babies before. But it’s different because now it’s my baby. I already love him so damn much it’s not funny. But I know with Brain by my side, I can get through anything.”
Devyn appreciated that Aspen was trying to reassure her about Lucky. The encouragement was welcome. She wasn’t as sure about everyone betting on when she and Lucky were going to make love, but deep down, she had to admit it made her laugh.
Did she trust Lucky? Yeah. She did. But if that was true, why couldn’t she tell him about Spencer?
The entire situation was ridiculous. Everyone involved was an adult, but somehow she felt like she was five years old again, and if she let Spencer’s secret out of the bag, she’d be the one responsible for ruining her family.
“You’re gonna be fine,” Devyn told her. “As long as you aren’t late to your own baby’s birth, like you are to everything else. You’ll probably cook a six-course dinner, run three miles, and save someone’s life by giving them CPR, all within hours of becoming a mom.”
Aspen burst out laughing. “I’m not sure about any of that…except the being late thing. Dev?”
“Yeah?”
“I really am scared.”
Devyn immediately reached for Aspen’s hand. “About what?”
“All of it. Scared I won’t be a good mom. That I’ll screw something up. You know how smart Brain is; if our son inherits his smarts, I’m gonna be so out of my league. Or what if he turns out to be a bully? I don’t know what I’ll do if he’s the mean kid everyone hates.”
“Take a breath,” Devyn ordered. “Good. Another. You are going to be an amazing mom. Know how I know?”
“How?”
“Because you’re so damn worried about it. If you didn’t care, I’d be more worried. Your kid is gonna be amazing because you and Brain are so great. If he’s smart, that’d be wonderful. But even if he’s not, are you gonna love him any less?”
“Of course not.”
“Then stop worrying about stuff you can’t control,” Devyn ordered.
“Yes, ma’am,” Aspen said with a smile. “I’ll try.”
“Out of curiosity…what did you guys bet on me and Lucky?” Devyn asked.
Aspen smirked. “Four hundred bucks.”
“Holy shit, seriously?”
“Yup. We each ponied up a hundred. Winner takes all.”
“I can’t believe you’re betting on me and Lucky having sex.” Devyn knew she should be more upset than she was—especially considering the gambling aspect—but it was obvious it was all in good humor.
“Yeah, well, us girls just wanna have fun,” Aspen told her.
Devyn rolled her eyes. “Great, now you’re quoting Cyndi Lauper.”
“I’d appreciate it if you got on that, literally and figuratively,” Aspen said with a giggle. “I mean, I could use the cash. We’re still setting up the baby’s room.”
“Isn’t it cheating, telling me about the bet?” Devyn asked.
Aspen shrugged. “Probably. But the way I see it, if it helps you move things along with Lucky, it’s all good. Seriously, Dev, you can’t do better than him. Well, maybe except for Brain, but he’s taken.”
Devyn wanted to tell Aspen that she’d seriously been thinking about asking Lucky if she could stay the night, but so far, she hadn’t gotten up the guts. She couldn’t deny that she wanted the man. He made her feel…normal. And it had been so damn long since she’d felt that way. If ever.
With him, much like with her friends, she wasn’t the kid who’d had leukemia. She wasn’t the “fragile sister.” She wasn’t the daughter her parents had to worry about. She was simply Devyn.
And she’d seen what she’d thought was lust in his eyes. It made her feel really good inside.
“Right, well, I’ll be sure to tell you when we go to bed together,” she teased.
“Do that,” Aspen said, completely seriously. “And now I need to go home. Brain told me I’m only allowed to be out for an hour before I should go home and put my feet up.”
Devyn stared at her. “Really?”
“Yup. Although, I should say that while he told me to only go out for an hour, that doesn’t mean I’m listening to him.”
Both women chuckled.
“He’s being overly protective, but it’s cute, so I’m letting it slide,” Aspen said. “I’m perfectly fine and haven’t had any issues with the pregnancy. But since he’s worried about me and our baby, I’m tolerating it.”
Devyn stood and helped Aspen out of her seat. “Thanks for the talk,” she told the other woman.
“You’re welcome. And seriously, we all love you and are worried about you. If you can’t talk to Lucky, we’re all here for you.”
“Thanks. That means the world to me.”
“Call me soon,” Aspen said.
Devyn agreed and they headed out of the café. On her way back to her apartment, she thought about what Aspen had said. And she was right. She needed to stop living part-way. She loved it here and wanted to stay.
First, she finally needed to unpack her stuff.
Second, she should talk to her boss about switching to full time.
And third…she wanted to move things along with Lucky.
She’d kept him at arm’s length for over a year, despite their attraction.
If they were dating, she needed to at least try to go all-in.
She liked him, he liked her, and she wanted to be with him.
She’d decide on the rest later. She still wasn’t sure what opening up about Spencer might do to her family. She’d table that for now, but the rest of it? It was time to get on with her life.
Skydiving and bungee jumping were all well and good, but she was kidding herself.
Doing those kinds of things didn’t make her brave; they were a cover for her insecurities.
Dangerous stunts didn’t make her past go away.
She’d always be a cancer survivor. It was who she was, and it was about time she dealt with it and got on with her life.
And hopefully Lucky would be a big part of that moving on.