Chapter 13
“Do you want kids?” Devyn blurted that night.
She and Lucky were lying in bed, both too tired to do anything more than hold each other as they tried to wind down from the day.
It had been busy. From Lucky working his ass off to help build the barn they didn’t get to finish, to the stress of Spencer’s arrival, then worrying about Aspen and the baby.
And they’d stayed late at the hospital to take turns going up to see Aspen and chatting with Brain.
It was late when they got back to his townhouse and neither had the energy to do more than grab something quick and easy for dinner, love on the animals a bit, and fall into bed.
But, of course, the second she went horizontal, Devyn’s brain kicked in and wouldn’t let her sleep.
“Do you?” Lucky countered.
Devyn chuckled. “I did kind of spring that on you, didn’t I?” she asked. “Truth?”
“Always,” he said.
She tightened her arms around him and felt him hug her in return.
She loved this. The sex with Lucky was amazing.
Out of this world. The best she’d ever had.
But that didn’t mean she wanted to have it every night.
She needed this connection with him just as much, maybe more.
“I don’t know. I mean, I had a big family growing up, and it was sometimes a pain in the ass.
Money was always tight and there were times I felt as if I’d missed out on having a really close relationship with my parents because they were always working one of their several jobs.
I know they love me and would do anything for me, but Mom and I aren’t really friends… if that makes sense.”
“It does,” Lucky reassured her.
“But then again, I loved always having someone to play with, once I went into remission, of course. I wouldn’t trade my relationship with Fred for anything in the world.
But there are times when I think I’m barely keeping myself together; how in the world can I have a child?
I don’t know anything about being a mom, and I’m worried about screwing my kid up.
Maybe I’ve watched too many of those true crime shows, where the girl starts dating a boy her parents don’t like, so she conspires with him to kill them. ”
She felt Lucky chuckle under her cheek. Devyn knew she was being ridiculous, but the thought of being a mother was scary.
“But then again, when I looked at little Chance today, I thought of how amazing it would be to bring a life into this world. Yeah, it’d be tough, but the rewards would outweigh the disadvantages, I think. ”
“So, are you asking me so I’ll make the decision for us?” Lucky asked.
“Maybe?” Devyn said, wrinkling her nose as she tilted her head back and looked at the man she suspected she already loved more than she thought she could love someone.
He smiled and leaned down to kiss her nose.
“I haven’t thought about it much, honestly.
I’m a guy, we don’t sit around wondering if our biological clock is ticking or not.
And I’ve been so focused on missions and my job, that it just hasn’t really been something I’ve had much of an opinion about, pro or con. ”
Silence stretched between them.
“And now?” Devyn asked after a while.
“Honestly? I’m like you. I’m on the fence about kids. At this point and time, I’m loving having it just be the two of us. You fill my life so much, I feel selfish and want you all to myself for the foreseeable future.”
Devyn nodded and tightened her arm across his belly.
“I liked being an only kid. I’m surprised I didn’t turn out to be completely spoiled. But I was lonely at times. If we do have kids, I’m thinking maybe two. Fairly close together. That way they’ll have each other to play with, but it won’t be overwhelming for them or us.”
Devyn chuckled. “You wanna plan their gender too?” she teased.
“A boy first. Then a girl,” Lucky said immediately. “Not that girls can’t be protective, but I want to teach my son what it means to look out for those younger and not as strong as him.”
“What if our daughter ends up being taller and more outgoing?” she countered. “I don’t want to teach them to conform to sexist roles right off the bat.”
Lucky laughed, and Devyn’s head bobbed up and down on his shoulder as he did so.
“What?” she asked, lifting her head once more to look at him.
“We’re being ridiculous,” he said with a smile. “We’re talking about children we may or may not even want or have.”
Devyn returned his smile. “We are being crazy, aren’t we?”
Lucky brought a hand up and brushed it over her hair.
“I love you, Devyn. While we aren’t exactly young, we aren’t old either.
We’ve got time to figure out the rest of our lives.
I normally wouldn’t push my luck by saying that, because you know, karma.
But it’s true. I love having you to myself.
I love being able to fuck you on the sofa downstairs if I want to without worrying if someone might walk in on us.
I love coming home to your energy and smile and not having to play referee with squabbling kids.
I love watching you with Angel and Whiskers, and how much they’ve come out of their shells simply because you’ve been around them.
After we’re married for a few years, we can revisit this conversation, okay? ”
Devyn’s eyebrows rose. “We’re getting married?” she asked.
“Yup,” Lucky said without tensing up in the least. “Not tomorrow. We’ve only been dating a short while. But I already know I totally want to spend the rest of my life with you. Wake up with you every morning and go to bed at night, talking about our days.”
“Um, wow. Okay.”
“Shit. I’m freaking you out, aren’t I?” Lucky asked.
“A little. But in a good way. I didn’t expect to get a marriage proposal after only a couple weeks of dating.”
“Well, in my defense, I’ve wanted you for a year. And I didn’t exactly propose. I just let you know that this relationship isn’t casual. Not for me. I’m looking for long term. Very long term. Unless you’re freaked because it isn’t the same for you.”
Now his muscles tensed under her.
“I love you, Lucky. I don’t go around casually telling men that I love them if I don’t want things to work out long term,” she told him quickly, wanting to reassure him.
“Whew,” he said, running a hand over his brow as if he were wiping off sweat.
She smiled and felt relieved when his muscles relaxed once more.
“I’m happy for Aspen and Brain. And Riley and Oz too.”
“Me too,” Lucky agreed. After a moment, he said, “Do you want to talk about your brother?”
Devyn knew he wasn’t talking about Fred. She shook her head. “No. I’m comfortable and relaxed right now. Thinking about Spencer and his motives will stress me out. Can we table that conversation?”
“Of course. But one thing before we do.”
Devyn sighed and nodded against him.
“You need to talk to Grover. I know you don’t want to damage the relationship he has with Spencer, but he already knows something’s up. And if the guy’s here to try to get money, Grover deserves to know, since Spencer’s staying in his house.”
“I know,” Devyn said. And she did. Fred was going to be upset that she hadn’t talked to him before now, even if she was doing it to avoid making waves in the family.
Lucky kissed the top of her head. “What’s your schedule like this week?” he asked.
Glad he’d changed the subject, Devyn said, “I’m working ten to three tomorrow, then the morning shift the next day, then I have three days off.”
“Damn. We’ve got that night-training exercise coming up. We’ll be at work all day and night during your days off.”
“Will you get to come home at all?” she asked. “And can they do that? Make you work twenty-four hour days?”
He chuckled. “The Army can do whatever they want. We’ve had quite a bit of time off recently, actually.
And we’ll be a man down with Brain taking paternity leave.
We’ll need to prepare for the training the day before we go out, then run through the exercises with an infantry company.
Then we need to debrief the day after and set up new training based on what happened the night before.
Then we’ll do the training again, this time with another Delta team and an Infantry battalion. ”
“I can’t ever remember the difference between squads, brigades, platoons, battalions, and companies,” Devyn complained.
“Some are bigger than others,” Lucky said, unconcerned.
“You aren’t going to quiz me later on them, are you?” she quipped.
“Hell no. I don’t care if you don’t know every little thing about the Army.
It’s kind of refreshing that you have no idea about how everything is structured,” Lucky said.
“Anyway, so yeah, the Army can keep us working as long as they want. We do the same when we’re on a mission, so this isn’t much different. ”
“It sucks that you’ll be here, but not,” Devyn pouted.
“I know. But my point is, I’m not sure when you’re going to find the time to have that talk with your brother.”
“Shit. I’ll try to see if I can catch him in the next couple days.”
“I really want to be there when you talk to him,” Lucky said.
“Why?”
“Why?” he echoed. “Are you seriously asking?”
Devyn frowned in confusion and nodded. “Yeah.”
“Because I want to have your back. If Grover loses his shit, I want to be there to rein him in. I can’t stand the thought of you being upset, and I know this is gonna upset you, so I want to be there to support you. Shit, Dev, I can’t believe you asked me that.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, sitting up and staring down at him. “I just…I’ve been dealing with Spencer and his addiction by myself for so long, and even though you said you’d come with me to talk to him, it still kind of felt like it was something I should take care of by myself.”
“I want to be involved in every damn thing in your life. Big decisions, small ones, it doesn’t matter. Wait…do you not want me there? Because it’s family stuff?”
“No, it’s not that,” Devyn told him, hating that he’d think that for even a second. “I want you there. But I just don’t want to do anything this soon in our relationship that would make you have second thoughts, or have you see me as weak.”
“You aren’t weak,” Lucky said. “Damn, woman, I have no idea why you’d ever think that about yourself.
Come here,” he said, pulling her back into his arms. “Okay, we’ll do what we can to find time to have the chat with Grover before we head out into the field.
If Spencer tries to talk to you before that, put him off.
We both know he’s gonna ask you for money, and I think once Grover knows what’s going on, he’ll be a big factor in putting a stop to Spencer taking advantage of you. ”
“I hope so. I love my brother, but it’s killing me that he’s destroying his life by gambling. I know it’s an addiction, and he can’t help it, but the fact that he can’t see that, and isn’t doing anything to fix it, is painful.”
“We’ll get him help, love. Promise.”
Devyn opened her mouth to say more, but a huge yawn interrupted her words. “Sorry,” she mumbled.
“You’re tired,” Lucky said unnecessarily. “Sleep. We’ll figure things out in the morning.”
“Okay. Love you, Lucky.”
“Love you back.”
“Lucky?”
He chuckled. “I thought you were going to sleep.”
“I am, but one more thing…does it bother you that I call you Lucky and not your given name, Troy?”
“Nope, not in the least.”
“I’ve just heard Fred talking about his teammates so much, you were already Lucky in my mind before I met you. It would be weird for me to call you anything else.”
“It would be weird for me too. I don’t feel like a Troy. Only my parents call me that, and it still somehow makes me think I’m in trouble,” he said.
“Okay. Good. I just wanted to make sure.”
“Anything else you just have to talk about right this second?” he asked.
“Nope. I think I’m good.”
“You’re more than good,” he said. “Now go to sleep.”
Devyn inhaled deeply and exhaled, enjoying the feel of Lucky next to her.
She had on a tank top and a pair of panties, and all he wore were his boxer briefs.
She loved how warm he was, how his skin felt against her own.
Her cheek rested on his skull tattoo and the dichotomy between that and how gentle his fingertips were as they played with her hair made her smile.
Lucky was a badass Delta Force soldier, but he was also gentle and loving.
She adored every side of the man, and had a feeling she’d love almost everything else she learned about him as time went by.
She knew he wasn’t perfect, and that each of them would discover things about the other that annoyed them, but she suspected those things ultimately wouldn’t matter.
What mattered was how he made her feel…and she felt valued and cherished. There might be times when his job would take him away from her, when it had to come first in their relationship, but Devyn knew Lucky would make up for it in so many other ways.
She was all right with being a military spouse.
She was almost thirty, and had been independent most of her life.
She could mow the grass and change light bulbs.
She’d even learned how to replace a toilet when the one in her last place went kaput and the landlord said it would be a week before he could get the maintenance man in to replace it.
She hadn’t been willing to wait that long and had done it herself.
No, Lucky’s commitment to the Army didn’t bother her.
Especially not when she knew she could go to Gillian, Kinley, Aspen, or Riley.
They’d stick together, especially with children in the mix.
Riley would need help with Logan and Bria, and her baby when it was born, and Aspen would need the same with little Chance.
Their world was growing, and Devyn couldn’t be happier about it.
“Love you,” she mumbled, half asleep.
She felt Lucky’s lips against her temple, then his hand crept under her tank top to the small of her back, warm and comforting, holding her against him. “Love you back,” he told her.