Chapter 6 #2
Grover worried for a moment that they were overwhelming her with their enthusiasm, but she didn’t sound stressed, so he explained.
“I think I told you about this when we were in the caves, or at least I meant to. The Refuge is a retreat run by a team of former special forces guys, led by Brick. They all suffered with their own forms of PTSD when they either retired or were medically discharged from active duty. They were SEALs, Delta, Night Stalkers, DSF—which is Coast Guard Deployable Special Forces—Green Beret, and SAS, the British equivalent of what we do. They bought a few hundred acres of land near Los Alamos in New Mexico. From everything I’ve heard, it’s an amazing place for men and women from all over the world, trying to regain balance in their lives after a traumatic experience.
And not just while in the military. There are plenty of events that can cause mental distress, and Brick and his team wanted to offer a safe haven for anyone who needs it. ”
“It sounds amazing,” Sierra said softly. “I feel kind of lost, honestly. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy to be sitting here with you guys and not in that damn cave. But I don’t know what I want to do with my life now.”
“What did you do before you came over here?” Trigger asked.
“I worked for an fulfillment center. Not exactly changing-the-world kind of stuff.”
“Hey, don’t be ashamed of having a job. I’m assuming you had a place of your own, bought your own food, paid your own bills…that’s all a part of being an adult,” Lucky told her.
“Yeah, but that’s why I took the job with the contractor, because I wanted to make a difference. And working in a warehouse wasn’t what I had in mind.”
“Why didn’t you find anything in the psychology field?” Grover asked.
Sierra shrugged. “I realized that while I liked psychology itself, I didn’t really want to get into the medical field…
and most jobs, at least the ones that pay well, require more schooling.
And yes, I probably should’ve researched it a bit more before deciding to major in psychology,” she said a little sheepishly.
“You don’t have to decide right this second what you want to do with the rest of your life,” Trigger told her.
“First you need to take care of yourself. You’ve handled everything remarkably, but we all know firsthand that sometimes trauma strikes out of nowhere.
You can be going about your life, then a memory hits and it does its best to suck you down.
Gillian still has the occasional nightmare over two years later.
They wake her up in the middle of the night and she can’t go back to sleep. ”
“Riley and I both randomly wake and have to go check on the kids. Make sure they’re in their beds asleep,” Oz added.
“For Devyn, it’s birds. She’s gotten a lot better, but sometimes hearing a bird chirp puts her right back in the middle of that forest where she was left to die,” Lucky said.
“Executive assistant, part-time vet tech, proofreader, event planner, EMT, and former Olympic athlete turned small-business owner,” Grover said quietly.
“That’s what the other women do. You can be whoever you want, do whatever strikes your fancy.
But you don’t have to decide right this second.
Take a moment to breathe, Sierra. Get your bearings.
Eat some good food, celebrate not letting Shahzada win. ”
He heard her sigh. “You’re right.”
“I know,” he said immediately.
The guys chuckled, and Grover was pleased to see a smile cross Sierra’s lips. “None of you guys suffer from a lack of confidence, do you?”
“Why should we? We’re the best at what we do, and we have women who love us for some insane reason,” Doc answered with a grin.
“And for the record, Grover told me all about your wives. They all sound…” Her voice faded.
“Amazing?”
“Beautiful?”
“Strong as hell?”
Sierra smiled. “Intimidating,” she said after a beat.
Doc laughed. “They aren’t, promise.”
Sierra shook her head. “So says the guy who’s with the most famous woman on the internet.”
“Seriously,” Doc insisted. “I admit that I didn’t want to like Ember when I first met her. I’m very private, and she was anything but—or so I thought. I also figured she’d be spoiled rotten and a diva. But she isn’t like that at all.”
“By the way, Shahzada wasn’t happy when she posted my picture on her account,” Sierra told him.
Grover didn’t mind being left out of the conversation.
He was content to sit back, hold Sierra’s hand and let her get to know the best friends he’d ever had in his life.
It wasn’t even a question if the guys would like her, it was just a matter of how long it would take for her to have them wrapped around her little finger.
“Ember’s gonna freaking love hearing that it worked. I mean, she was hoping someone would contact the authorities somewhere and say that they knew where you were, but if seeing your picture made your captors uncomfortable, at least that’s something,” Doc said with satisfaction.
“I still can’t believe Ember Maxwell knows who I am,” Sierra said with a small shake of her head. “I mean, I’m nobody.”
“You aren’t nobody,” Grover insisted.
Sierra shrugged. “It’s okay. I don’t mind.
But I had a lot of time to think over the last year.
If I had been more…I’m not sure what the word is…
Important? Charismatic? Loud? I don’t know.
But I can’t help but think if I’d been more…
noticeable, maybe someone would’ve tried harder to find me before now. ”
Shame and regret almost overwhelmed Grover. “I should’ve tried harder to find out what happened to you. I shouldn’t have waited until that damn letter was delivered.”
“Oh, I wasn’t talking about you,” Sierra said immediately.
But Grover shook his head. “It’s true. One month,” he said. “That’s all it took from the time I got that letter until I found you. I could’ve spared you eleven months of hell, and I didn’t.”
“You can’t blame yourself,” Sierra told him.
“But I do,” he said softly.
“That’s totally crazy. Stupid. Ridiculous!” she exclaimed. “Grover, you didn’t even know me. You can’t take responsibility for every person you pass on the street. If you meet someone, and the next week they trip and fall on their face, are you gonna try to take responsibility for that too?”
He stared at her. Her face was in shadows, only the slight green of the glow sticks lightening the area around them. Her patches of hair were sticking up and she was frowning at him fiercely.
He’d never seen a woman more beautiful in his life.
Sierra glanced at the men around them. “Tell him that he’s being ridiculous.”
Trigger shrugged. “He did find you when others failed.”
“And I did notice you,” Grover told her. “Hair net and all.”
Sierra shifted so she was on her knees next to him.
The long-sleeve uniform top she’d put on swam on her small frame, and even on her knees, she was only eye-to-eye with him.
She shook a finger at him. “No! You aren’t allowed to feel guilty.
If you do, then that’ll make me feel guilty for not being more careful like you said I should, all those months ago.
And if I feel guilty, then I won’t be able to get over this as easily as I’d like.
I’ll have nightmares for years and will probably have to take drugs that turn me into a zombie.
I won’t be able to hold down a job and will have to go live in my parents’ basement and I’ll freeze to death because there’s no way I can handle negative-fifteen-degree temperatures anymore! ”
She was breathing fast and her voice had risen by the time she finished her rant—and all Grover could do was laugh. Not at her, never at her, but at the situation.
“Okay, Bean,” he said, reaching up and grabbing the finger she’d been wagging in his face.
“Okay what?” she asked.
Damn, she was smarter than even he’d given her credit for. Grover grimaced. “I’ll try not to feel guilty.”
“Nope. Not good enough.” She turned to the guys. “Tell him,” she ordered.
Lucky, Oz, Doc, and Trigger looked lost.
“Tell him what?” Oz finally asked.
“Tell him that he doesn’t get to feel guilty about me being taken captive.”
“You don’t get to feel guilty about her being taken captive,” Oz repeated dutifully.
That Grover could agree to. He regretted not taking her disappearance more seriously.
He regretted not doing what he could to try to find her earlier.
And he regretted not having the time to torture Shahzada as much as he wanted.
“I won’t feel guilty about you being taken captive,” he told her honestly.
Sierra eyed him suspiciously. “Why do I have a feeling you gave in too easily?” she asked.
Grover wasn’t about to tell her how right she was. “I may not have had a girlfriend in a while, but even I know better than to argue with a woman when she brings out the finger,” he told her.
“He’s right,” Lucky said. “The one time Devyn did that to me, I was scared shitless.”
“Sit,” Grover cajoled, gently tugging at Sierra’s hand. “And you should eat something again. Small snacks often will get your energy back faster than eating three large meals a day.”
“I know you’re changing the subject,” Sierra grumbled, but she nodded.
Doc and Lucky got up to relieve Lefty and Brain on watch duty.
“What’d I miss?” Brain asked as he sat nearby.
“You guys are conceited—rightfully so—you have amazing wives, and children, and Grover’s not allowed to feel guilty about my capture,” Sierra said with her mouth full of the bite of banana bread from the MRE they’d opened earlier.
Lefty chuckled. “All righty then. Guess you covered all the bases.”
“You think you can sleep, Sierra?” Trigger asked. “We don’t know what tomorrow will bring. We might have to walk ten miles, or we could be picked up by chopper, or something in between, but we need to be ready for anything.”
“I think so,” she said with a nod.