Chapter 10
Grover lay on his bed with his arm under his head and stared up at the ceiling. It was dark out and all he could hear was the wind blowing and cicadas. It should’ve been relaxing, and he should’ve been asleep at least an hour ago.
But he couldn’t rest. His mind was full of Sierra, how good she looked…
how much more relaxed she seemed in just the half day they’d been here.
Clearly she’d needed this place. With each hour that passed after her parents’ departure, the more it seemed her personality had come out.
There were six other people staying at The Refuge at the moment, and watching Sierra interact with them over dinner was extremely enlightening.
The spark that had caught his attention when she’d been serving food back in that chow hall in Afghanistan had returned. She was charming and friendly, and within minutes of being in her presence, the other men and one woman who were eating with them seemed completely comfortable around her.
She was petite, but her personality and presence were larger than life. After dinner, she and Grover had sat on the back deck of her small one-room cabin until eleven o’clock or so. He could tell she was tired, so he’d said good night and headed next door to his own cabin.
Where he couldn’t sleep. Because the changes in Sierra, while wonderful, didn’t totally ring true. Not to Grover.
On the surface, she acted as if she was completely fine.
But he’d spent hours on the phone with her in the preceding weeks, and he had a feeling she wasn’t doing as well as she was trying to make them all think.
Hell, he was still trying to deal with his time as a captive, and he hadn’t been there nearly as long as she had.
If she wanted to do the fake-it-till-you-make-it thing, that was her choice. In the meantime, he’d watch and wait and be there if she needed him.
Grover was still trying to force his brain to shut down, to get at least a couple hours of sleep before he inevitably woke up covered in sweat from another nightmare, when he heard something outside.
At first he figured it was an animal of some sort; Pipe had told them all at dinner that they frequently had bears, deer, and foxes show up around the cabins.
Then he realized it wasn’t an animal making those sounds. He’d been a special forces operative long enough to recognize the sound of sticks cracking under a slow, cautious tread. The careful gait of a person who didn’t want to be heard, but was doing a piss-poor job of being sneaky.
Grover was up and moving before he’d given it a thought.
It took him seconds to silently cross to the door, though he wished he had his gun.
Weapons of any kind were prohibited at The Refuge, which was something Grover actually approved of.
PTSD wasn’t something to mess around with and having guns near anyone who was having a hard time coping with their demons wasn’t a good idea.
He looked through a side window and couldn’t see anyone lurking in the trees between his cabin and Sierra’s, but he couldn’t see the small front stoop at all, where the sound was coming from.
He was ninety-nine percent sure whoever was outside his door was either one of the guys who owned the property doing security checks, or Sierra.
It was the remaining one percent that concerned him.
Making sure he had the element of surprise, he soundlessly moved to the door and wrenched it open quickly—and saw Sierra jerk in fright and almost stumble off the top step of his small stoop.
Grover acted fast, reaching out and grabbing hold of her arm, preventing her from falling on her backside into the dirt. “Sierra? Are you all right?”
“Oh my God, you scared me! I’m so sorry, did I wake you up?”
He noticed that she didn’t answer his question.
Looking around to make sure they hadn’t disturbed anyone else—which was unlikely, since the cabins were spaced reasonably far apart with plenty of trees between—Grover pulled Sierra into his cabin.
He dropped his hand once he’d shut the door and clicked on the overhead light.
They both winced as their eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness.
Then Grover went back to Sierra and put his hands on her shoulders. “Are you all right?” he repeated.
“Yeah.”
“What’s up?”
“Um, well…I…Shoot.”
Grover waited patiently as Sierra did her best to work through whatever she was trying to say.
“It’s stupid,” she finished after a minute.
“It’s not,” Grover insisted.
Her lips twitched upward. “You don’t even know what I’m going to say. How do you know it isn’t stupid?”
“Because it’s the middle of the night and you’re at my door. That’s how. Talk to me, Bean.”
She sighed. “When I lay down to go to sleep, I realized this is the first time I’ve been by myself since you showed up in the cell next to mine in that cave.
I’ve literally had someone else with me, or at least nearby, every night since.
I started hearing sounds outside…and my brain wouldn’t stop telling me it was Shahzada.
Which is ridiculous, because I saw you kill him.
I know he’s dead. But I couldn’t help but think…
maybe he wasn’t really dead. And maybe he found a way to follow me back here and has been waiting for the right time to snatch me again.
Then I started imagining him dragging me off into the forest and stashing me in some dark mountain cave here in New Mexico. ”
When Grover said nothing, she shrugged. “I told you it was stupid,” she said softly.
Still without a word, Grover took her hand and slowly led her to his bed. It was a king, and there was plenty of room for them both. He drew back the covers on the side he hadn’t been tossing and turning on and gestured for her to get in.
Sierra didn’t even hesitate. She kicked off the flip-flops she had on her feet and climbed onto the mattress.
Grover noticed that she wore a pair of sweatpants and an oversized T-shirt, despite the heat, before covering her up with the sheet and comforter.
He walked over to the wall and clicked off the light, then headed for his side of the bed.
He got himself settled under the covers, and in the dark, with the sound of the cicadas loud outside, he reached for Sierra’s hand.
The second her fingers wrapped around his, Grover felt something deep within him settle.
“It’s not stupid,” he said softly. “It actually makes sense. There’s safety in numbers, and your subconscious knows it.
But I can reassure you on one point—Shahzada is dead.
I wouldn’t have left that mountain unless I was one hundred percent certain of that.
Not only to protect you, but to keep everyone who lives and works in that area safe, including the Afghani people.
It’s extremists like Shahzada that give the entire country a bad reputation.
Most of the citizens I’ve met are hardworking, peaceful people. ”
“I didn’t have a chance to get to know anyone outside of the people on base,” Sierra said sadly.
Grover didn’t really know how to comfort her, so he simply squeezed her hand.
They lay there in silence for a beat before she said, “This feels good. Familiar.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “Although I have to admit that it’s much more comfortable to be lying in a bed holding your hand than in the dirt, with my arm through the bars and bent at an awkward angle so I could reach you.”
Sierra laughed quietly. “Right?” Then she said, “I’m really okay, Grover.
It wasn’t fun to be held captive for as long as I was, but after a while, they didn’t really mess with me too much.
I don’t know why. The hardest thing was dealing with the boredom and loneliness.
Day after day, I had nothing to do, no one to talk to.
I think the therapist I saw back home was surprised that I wasn’t more fucked up in the head. ”
“Don’t compare yourself to anyone,” Grover warned. “I encourage you to meet with the therapist here, but you can’t start feeling guilty that you weren’t constantly assaulted, or beaten, or anything else. Okay?”
“I’ll try,” she said honestly. “What about you?”
“What about me, what?”
“Will you go talk to the therapist with me?”
“If you want me to.”
She huffed out an impatient breath.
“What?” Grover asked. “What’d I say?”
“I want you to go for you,” she said. “You’re having nightmares. You’re not okay.”
Grover sighed. “I’m not having nightmares about what that asshole did to me.
I’ve been hurt worse in the past, and likely will be again in the future.
” He didn’t want to elaborate further on the nightmares.
But he didn’t have to. She knew. He’d made the mistake of telling her in their first phone call when she’d been home.
“They’re because of me,” she said softly. “I thought we agreed that you wouldn’t feel guilty,” she told him.
“I’m trying,” he told her. “But it’s not easy.”
“That alone is reason to visit the therapist.”
Grover felt Sierra moving next to him. She didn’t let go of his hand, but she turned on her side and he felt her scoot closer.
“You’re so warm,” she said.
Grover smiled. “Are you cold?”
“Not really. I mean, I’m always a little chilled, but I’m trying to learn to ignore it.
I know it’s just my mind playing tricks on me.
Is it okay if I stay here tonight? I honestly didn’t mean to bother you.
I had planned to sit on your stoop for a while, just to be closer to you, until I got the courage to go back to my place. ”
“It’s more than okay,” Grover told her. “It feels nice.”
“Yeah,” Sierra agreed.
They didn’t speak again, and Grover felt Sierra’s body completely relax as she fell asleep. He couldn’t help but feel a small thrill that she’d come to him when she’d been uneasy. That just being next to him made her relax enough to fall asleep.