Chapter 20
TWENTY
EMBERLYNNE
The moment the door clicked shut behind Silas, the weight of what I’d just done hit me like a tidal wave.
Honestly, I wasn’t sure I had the strength to go through with it because in my heart, I wanted him here, holding me, telling me that everything would be okay.
But in my mind, the part that thinks logically, I knew this was the right decision…
at least for now. When he admitted to me at the hospital that he was Maverick, I couldn’t find the air to breathe, as if the air had been sucked out of the room, and I was drowning in a sea of betrayal that threatened to suffocate me.
My husband has been living a lie and I was too blind, too in love to see it.
As I walk down the hall toward the living room, raw emotions surge through me, chilling me to the bone.
My legs give out as I sink onto the couch, burying my face in my hands, willing myself not to break.
How am I ever supposed to trust Silas again?
The ease with which he kept up this lie makes me feel like a fool, casting doubt on every promise he ever made.
The pain of asking him to leave was unbearable and I don’t know how to move forward from here.
Every part of me wants him to come back, but I know things have to change.
I can’t live with the lies and we can’t rebuild a marriage on betrayal.
At the same time, I don’t see a way back to what we once were.
The life we built, the love we shared, the future we both dreamed of…
all of it shattered. But what hurts the most is losing the baby I will never hold.
Would the baby have been our saving grace if I were still pregnant?
I guess I’ll never know. The only comfort is knowing Fury is no longer a threat.
My father didn’t give me the details, just told me that it was taken care of and I didn’t have to worry about him anymore.
Glancing around the living room, I take notice of how everything is perfectly in place, meticulously cleaned as if nothing happened.
It had been a wreck when Fury came and took me, but now it looks spotless, like the nightmare was all in my head.
But the truth is heavy and inescapable. No matter how clean this room is, the memories of what happened here will always haunt me.
It hurts to know that Silas took the time to restore our home so that I would come home to something normal, but nothing feels normal anymore.
Not after everything that’s happened. It’s as if the life we shared has been wiped clean, leaving nothing but an empty room and memories too painful to bear.
The scar on my thigh is a constant reminder of that dank motel room where Fury held me captive.
I limp slowly into the bedroom, craving nothing but a long hot shower, a steaming cup of tea, and one of the pain pills my doctor prescribed.
Though the waterproof bandage covers the wound, I’m not allowed to fully submerge my leg just yet.
I’d much rather soak in the jacuzzi tub, but for now, it’ll have to wait.
I’m about to go turn on the water when my phone buzzes on the nightstand.
Silas must’ve picked it up from the floor of the closet when…
my thought trails off because I don’t want to rehash memories from that night.
Staring at the screen, I see that it’s Londyn.
I have every reason not to answer, but after everything, especially since she was kidnapped too, maybe I owe her that much.
“Hey Londyn, I was just about to get in the shower. Can this wait?” I say, my voice slightly clipped, hoping she’ll take the hint.
“Ember, please, I know you don’t want to hear from me right now, but I have to explain,” she rushes, her voice shaky. I’m silent for a moment, gripping the phone tighter as anger stirs in my veins. I’m not in the mood for more explanations, more lies, but I let her continue.
“I never meant to hurt you. It wasn’t my place to say anything, and Maverick wanted to make sure you were protected at all times. But, Ember, I swear our friendship is real,” she pleads.
“So, you lied to protect me and I still got kidnapped?” I bite back, the irony almost laughable if it weren’t so painful.
“We underestimated Fury,” she says softly. “But, I was just following orders, trying to keep you safe. I broke your trust and I’m sorry. I just… I didn’t know what else to do,” she adds, her voice cracking, the guilt evident.
“You should’ve trusted me enough to tell me the truth, Londyn. That’s what hurts the most,” I sigh, emotionally drained from all of it. “I get the MC loyalty thing. I understand it’s the club first, but that doesn’t make this hurt any less.”
“I know,” she whispers, a faint sniffle on the other end. “I just hope someday you can forgive me.”
Could I forgive her? Or is this just another wound that needed time to heal? Londyn’s friendship meant the world to me. She had become the sister I never had, and I love her for that. But right now, I can’t handle it.
“I appreciate you calling me,” I finally say, my voice heavy with exhaustion. “But I need space. Just like I told Silas, I need time to think and clear my head. I’m too emotional and making decisions based on emotions is what got us here. I hope you understand.”
“I get it,” she replies. “I’ll respect your wishes. No matter what Ember, just know that I love you and I’m here for you, whatever you decide.”
“I have to go,” I murmur, ending the call.
It’s all I can manage. I’m too drained to feel anything anymore, and I don’t want to hear another apology.
As the tears threaten, the weight of Londyn’s betrayal joins the losses I’ve endured, and I’m not sure how much more I can take.
As I step into the closet for my robe, my pace slows, the memories of Silas flooding back, overwhelming me.
The familiar scent of his cologne lingers in the air, subtle but unmistakable.
My fingers trace the edge of his dresser, pausing at the sight of his favorite watch, right where he left it.
He’d forgotten it because in the middle of getting dressed, he decided to make love to me one last time before leaving.
The memory of that moment pulls at my heart, tightening the ache.
It's just a watch, a small, everyday item, but seeing it reminds me of the mornings we spent together, laughing as we hurried to get ready for work, teasing each other about always being late. The sweet stolen kisses as we passed in the hall, the playful touches in the kitchen… every corner of this house holds echoes of us, of a life that now feels so distant. His absence is more painful than I thought it would be. Grabbing my robe, I head into the bathroom to start the shower. I’m met with more pieces of him…
his toothbrush sitting in the holder next to mine, his razor resting on the counter as if he’ll be back any moment to use them.
The house feels frozen in time, like he could walk through the door any minute and greet me with a kiss.
As the hot water streams down, warming my skin, I try to let it soothe the tension in my body, washing away the lingering sadness.
But my mind drifts back to the last time we were here together.
His hands running over my hips, his lips on my neck, licking the sensitive spot he always knew sent shivers through me.
I loved how he whispered dirty things in my ear before fucking me against the shower wall like he owned every part of me and I surrendered every time.
Yet, here I stand, alone, with only memories of what once was, trying to make sense of a love that I thought was unbreakable.
Steam swirls around me as I step out of the shower, the hot water having done little to relax my tense muscles.
Toweling off carefully, doing my best to avoid the bandage on my leg, I wince from the dull throb in my thigh.
I hate taking pain meds, but if I’m going to get any sleep tonight, I need to take one just to take the edge off.
Slipping into a soft pair of cotton pajamas is comforting, something familiar, but I take notice of how loose they feel against my frame, reminding me of how much weight I lost over the last couple of weeks.
Pulling my hair into a loose bun, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I’m not shocked by what I see.
Exhaustion is written in the lines around my eyes and the sadness behind them is too hard to ignore.
Sitting on the edge of the bed for a moment, I stare at the empty space beside me where Silas should be.
My fingers absently run over the cool sheets, missing his presence.
I can almost feel his warm body pressed against mine, his hand resting lazily over my hip, the way we slept every night.
The sharp whistle of the kettle on the stove pulls me from the memory and I head into the kitchen.
With each step, the silence in the house feels heavier, almost suffocating, and that’s when the idea hit me, what I need to do to begin healing from this.
I walk back to the bedroom, set my tea on the nightstand, and reach for my phone.
“Hey, Dad?”
“Ember? It’s late. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, I’m okay. But I’ve been thinking. I need to get out of Atlanta for a while, so I’m going home with you… to South Dakota. I want to visit Mom’s grave and clear my head,” I say, my voice wavering slightly.
“You want to come home with me?” He repeats, pausing before responding. “Are you sure that’s what you need right now, Em?” He asks, his tone soft, filled with empathy.
“Yeah, I am. It’s been too long since I’ve been home, and I think seeing EJ and visiting Mom’s resting place will help me figure out what to do next. I just… I can’t stay here right now.”
“Alright. I understand. Do you need me to come help you pack?”
“Would you mind? I don’t think I can do this alone,” I admit, voice cracking from the emotional toll of everything.
“Of course, sweetheart. I’ll be there first thing in the morning. It’ll be nice to have some company for the trip home. And Ember, you don’t have to do any of this alone,” he reassures, lifting some of the weight off my shoulders.
“Thank you, Dad. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Hanging up the call, I feel light for the first time which is confirmation that I’ve made the right decision.
It doesn’t make any of this easier but it gives me a break from the constant reminders of Silas.
Pulling back the covers, I nestle into bed and reach for my tea, my thoughts shifting to my trip home.
It’ll be good to see everyone, especially my friend, Kelly, and catch up on each other’s lives.
As sleep finally starts to claim me, I can’t help but wonder.
.. do I have room in my heart to forgive Silas or are we lost forever, buried beneath the weight of his lies.