Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
EMBERLYNNE
Settling into the quiet comfort of my father’s home in Sturgis, my mind wanders back to those last few days in Atlanta.
When I first called him asking if I could come home with him, I’d planned on just a brief visit.
But as we tied up my affairs, I realized I needed more than just a few days; I needed real distance from Silas and everything that happened.
Deciding to sell the house had been a tough call, but my sanctuary felt tainted, clouded by lies and the haunting memory of Fury’s presence. I knew it wasn’t really home anymore.
As we drove west, mile after mile brought a strange calm, easing the constant ache and storm of emotions that plagued me.
The high-rise buildings of city life gradually melting into openness of plains and beautiful landscapes.
Somehow, the memories felt distant now, softened around the edges, though it had only been a little over a week at the time.
Now, since a month has passed, I realize this was exactly what I needed to think clearly.
It has nothing to do with my love for Silas.
In fact, it’s because I love him so deeply that I couldn’t stay there or be near him.
Hearing his voice might be enough to break my resolve and I know he doesn’t deserve to get off that easily.
At first I felt a twinge of guilt about not telling Silas my plans, but he’d kept a whole life hidden from me, and I owed him nothing.
Maybe it was petty, but a part of me wanted him to feel the sting of betrayal too, to feel even a fraction of the hurt that’s been consuming me.
Rest was hard to come by, even with the meds the doctor prescribed, each small sound sent my anxiety spiking.
The next day I reached out to our real estate agent and my lawyer, determined to sever my ties with Silas completely.
I didn’t want a drawn-out battle or to divide our lives in a courtroom.
He’d already done that the moment he chose to keep his other life a secret.
“Em, dinner’s almost ready,” my dad calls from the kitchen, treating me like a little girl again… and I let him. Everything that happened shook him, so I know he needs this time to look after me.
“I’m going to walk Piper first, and then be right in,” I reply, heading for the door.
Piper was released just in time for our road trip, and the way she bounded to me said it all.
She’s loving the fresh country air and open space as much as I am.
The property is massive, allowing my pup to run until her little heart’s content.
After a quick stroll around the front yard, Piper and I step back inside, greeted by the mouth-watering aroma of fresh basil, tomatoes, and garlic filling the air.
Dad’s made his famous lasagna with homemade bread and even prepared a special treat for Piper.
She darts straight to her bowl, filled with steak bites, rice, and eggs. It’s her absolute favorite meal.
Sitting to my father’s left, we dig in, enjoying a comfortable silence as we eat. It’s as good as I remember and I take my time, savoring every bite.
“You know, Em, I’ve been thinking about all this,” he begins, his voice calm, yet firm.
“What Silas did… it hurt you, I get that. But sometimes, running away only puts the pain on hold.” Setting my fork down, I wipe my mouth with my napkin and take a gulp of red wine, feeling the weight of his words.
Not wanting to respond, I wait to see where he’s going with this.
“Your mom and I had our share of troubles, times I thought we’d never get past. Even with her fire, she was always better at forgiveness than I was.
Looking back, I can see it’s what kept us strong during our challenging moments,” he says, placing his hand over mine.
I knows he’s about to share the words I need to hear but I’m not sure I’m ready to accept them.
“Forgiveness isn’t about forgetting what happened, or saying it was okay.
. It’s about releasing the anger so it doesn’t eat you alive. ”
His words, although hard to hear, strike a nerve.
I’m comfortable in my anger toward Silas, giving me the emotional detachment that I need to try to understand why he didn’t give me all of him.
I gave him so much of me that I lost some of who I was.
It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, because I wanted to be everything he needed without letting my past tarnish what we were building.
“He made a mistake, Emberlynne. A big one,” he continues.
Using my full name, compels me to look him in the eye and absorb his wisdom instead of ignoring him like a defiant child.
“But, people make mistakes, especially when they think they’re protecting someone they love.
You don’t owe him a damn thing, but giving him a chance to explain could give you both the peace you need to truly move forward.
As much as I love having you here, running doesn’t end the hurt, it just delays it. ”
And there it is. My father’s words hit me deeper than I wanted to admit. The idea of even listening to Silas feels like peeling back a barely closed wound, but maybe dad is right. I can see the concern in his eyes, the quiet foresight of someone who has seen what forgiveness can do.
“Think about it, Em. I’m only saying something because I love you, and I just don’t want you carrying this around forever.
Give yourself a chance to move forward, even if it’s just to hear him out.
” Mulling over his words, the silence stretches between us and suddenly the quiet is not so comfortable.
It’s stifling, causing me to think and acknowledge things that I buried beneath my anger.
“I hear you, Dad,” I say softly, meeting his eyes once more. “Forgiveness is not always easy, but I’ll think about what you said, I promise,” I assure him, excusing myself from the table. Suddenly I’m not hungry and just want to be alone with my thoughts.
“One more thing before you go. Maverick may not have been honest with you, Em, but I know without a doubt that man loves you. I didn’t give him my blessing to marry you, but that didn’t stop him.”
This revelation leaves me speechless. Silas had asked my father for permission to marry me and I had no idea.
For a moment, a flicker of anger rises at the thought of yet another secret kept from me, but it quickly fades as I picture a defiant Silas determined to marry me even against my father’s wishes.
When he proposed, he told me he couldn’t imagine life without me, and that he’d never loved anyone the way he loves me.
His words left me breathless and saying yes was the easiest decision I’d ever made.
“Take all the time you need, sweetheart. You’ll figure it out,” he says, rising to give me a hug. His embrace is warm, comforting, and reassuring. I have a lot to think about and I know just the place that will give me some peace and open my heart toward a path of forgiveness.
“Thank you, dad. Goodnight,” I say, before heading to my bedroom.
Piper follows close, jumping on the bed as soon as I shut my door.
Taking a quick shower, I think about how my father’s life is so simple now compared to growing up in an MC.
He’d been the VP of the Rebel Riders, road name Butcher, and he lived up to his reputation.
Once my mother was murdered, his passion for that life changed.
But the straw that broke the camel’s back was when my big brother EJ took a life, which in turn put my life in danger.
Everything spiraled out of control and he wanted out.
The club was a constant reminder of what he’d lost and left him with a lifetime of regrets.
My brother is still a part of the MC, but he understands why our father retired and the President assured him that he’d keep an eye on him.
Slipping beneath the covers, Piper snuggles in at the end of the bed, while I get my kindle off the nightstand.
Reading always helps me relax, helping me escape my reality.
I know I’ll have to confront everything sooner rather than later, but for now, I just want to push it out of my mind.
Even so, I can’t stop thinking about Silas and how much I miss him.
Driving through the small streets of Sturgis brings back so many memories.
There’s no events happening this time of year, but bikes line the road as motorcycle clubs from all over the United States come through for the sights, the friendship, and the down-home cooking.
The people are friendly and there are no strangers here.
Everyone is treated like family and it’s one of the things I miss about living out west.
Not that far outside the city, I park the truck and walk the short path leading to my mother’s final resting place.
Bear Butte Cemetery sits on top of a beautiful pine-covered hillside that brings comfort in times of sorrow.
The sun is shining but there’s a chill in the air signaling the start of fall.
Standing at the edge of my mother’s grave, the cool breeze rustles the leaves around my feet as I stare at the headstone bearing her name, Rainey Marie Washington, Devoted Wife and Mother.
The knot in my chest tightens as I kneel slowly, placing my hand on the cold stone where the woman with the warmest heart is buried. Sometimes, I still can’t believe she’s gone, but in times like these, when I’m feeling lost, the reality hits me that she’s no longer here.
“Mom… I don’t even know where to start,” I whisper, as tears prick at my eyes, but I blink them away, staring down at the earth that separates us.
“Everything’s fallen apart. I love Silas but he lied, hid so much of himself, and it nearly broke me.
” I pause as the silence presses in on me, waiting for a response I know will never come.
My mind swirls with memories of my mother’s advice, the steady words that once guided me through my early teenage years when life was full of drama and stupid boys.
Now, I feel lost, drifting on a sea of doubt with no anchor. Like my father, she’d tell me that people make mistakes and that love is about seeing passed someone’s faults. The thing is, I don’t know if I have the strength in me to look beyond this.
“I thought Silas and I had a love that conquered all, but this betrayal is too much.” My voice cracks, carrying on the wind as the tears finally spill over, trailing down my cheeks.
“I was so wrong. He didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth.
How am I supposed to forgive him for that?
” So many questions without a single answer.
“How can I belong to the very world that took you away from me?” That one question haunts me every time I consider giving Silas a chance. The path forward feels impossible.
Closing my eyes, I listen, hoping to hear my mother’s voice, just one more time. Wishing for the clarity that seems so far out of reach.
“I need you, so much, Mom,” I murmur, tracing my fingers along the letters on the headstone.
“I don’t know how to move forward from the hurt.
How do I let go of my anger and let my love for him invite forgiveness into my heart?
” I pause again, waiting to see if the rustling leaves might bring me an answer or some other sign that she can hear me.
But, the only sound is the distant hum of the world moving on, indifferent to my pain.
Walking back to the truck, the memory of my mother’s warmth steadies me, almost as if she’s here beside me.
A quiet resolve settles within bringing a lightness I hadn’t felt just moments ago.
Somehow, clarity has taken root on this path back and I know now what I need to do to truly find peace.
The only way to start healing is to forgive Silas.
Not for him, but for me. All my hurt and anger are justified, yet he was willing to face the consequences, to bear the weight of his choices without blame or excuses.
Though the road before us will be difficult, my love for him gives me the strength to begin. I’ll call him as soon as I get back home, to listen, and find out if what we shared can endure this setback.
Reaching the car, I pick up my phone to check on my dad, and maybe see if he needs anything from the store. When my screen lights up, it shows I have several missed calls from Londyn. Before I can even call her back, my phone rings again and I answer immediately.
“Ember, thank God you picked up,” her voice breaks as if she’d been crying.
“Londyn, what’s going on?” I ask, a wave of panic washing over me.
“It’s Maverick. He’s been shot and… Ember, I’m not sure he’s going to make it.”