22. Leah #3
“They’ll eat Stratan food, so you can feed her whatever, but apples are her favorite.
Help her clean her wings at the back; she probably won’t be able to reach them while she’s healing.
And forget what you’ve heard about ephilium all being bloodthirsty warriors. Some of them are, but she’s different.”
Hodges scrubs a hand over his face, but his gaze softens when he looks at Filippa. “Shit, Polaris. What have you gotten me into?”
“It’s not like it’s illegal to have a winger in your house, Hodges,” I point out.
“Tell that to my mother,” he sighs.
I give him another quick hug. “What she doesn’t know can’t hurt her. Send me messages. If Filippa isn’t better in a few weeks, I’ll try to come back.”
“Don’t try. Do,” he says firmly. This once, I accept an order from him with a curt nod.
I fly across the river and talk my way into getting passage back to Aradis through the trade rift.
My wings get the usual suspicious attention, but it’s clear I’m not the first soldier to have come back this way.
And when I name Captain Pellery as a personal friend, they’re more receptive.
Maybe that’s stretching the truth a little, but she hasn’t turned me over to the seraphim for all but admitting to hanging out with demons, so that’s got to count for some kind of friendship, right?
Night has fallen, and the nest is quiet when I get back to the academy. Tomorrow, they’ll do roll call to establish who survived the second trial, but until then, it seems everyone is lying low.
I don’t run into anyone on the way to my room, slipping inside and closing the door quietly with a sigh of relief—
—that freezes in my throat when something moves behind me.
Lightning crackles in my palm in an instant as I spin round to face the intruder.
“I’d rather not get burned to a pile of ash today, if you don’t mind,” Syrus says calmly.
“Fuck,” I murmur, letting my magic dissipate. I stare at Syrus, leaning casually against the window by my bed. “I could’ve killed you!”
He tilts his head. “Unlikely. I still have a few tricks up my sleeve. But it’s good to see that you’re vigilant after the attack from—what was his name?”
“Keros Perichor,” I say. “Not that it matters. What are you doing here? How did you get past your guard?"
“The same way we smuggled you in.”
“You’re not worried they might notice the dangerous demon they’re supposed to be guarding is gone?”
He sighs, as if he knows I have a point even if he doesn’t want to admit it. “Unfortunately, I can’t seem to stop being reckless when it comes to you, Leah.” His eyes scan over me, likely studying me for injuries. “I needed to make sure you were still alive.”
It’s a stupid risk. Especially because he knew very well I was still alive. The walls still up around my mind would serve as proof.
And I’m still glad he came.
Some part of me I hadn’t even realized was tense relaxes just from knowing he’s near, and the weight of the last six hours finally hits me. I sag, unbuckling my sword belt and letting it drop to the floor. He opens his arms and I go to him, letting him enfold me in his embrace.
He holds me tight as I start sobbing. I’d been holding myself together—to survive, to keep Filippa alive, to get myself back to Aradis—but now I can give in, knowing he’ll catch me as I fall apart.
He tucks my head under his chin, stroking a hand down my back, steady and soothing. Nothing’s changed, even though so much has. I still feel bewilderingly safe here with his arms wrapped around me.
I could be furious with him for trying to stop me going today. He could be angry about me blocking him out. But we both needed this so much that neither of us seems very interested in fighting it.
After a few minutes, the weight inside me has lifted a little, and I exhale, tilting my head up to look into his eyes.
“What is it?” he asks softly, stroking a thumb across my cheek—over the freckles he once told me he loved so much.
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter. It wouldn’t be fair of me to ask.”
“Leah, I would cheat every man, woman, and child from here to Infernum if you needed me to. Fuck fair.”
My lips twitch. “Even children, huh?”
“Especially the children,” he gives me a small smile. “Teach them an important life lesson.” He tightens his hold around me and repeats, “What is it?”
I drop my gaze.
“If I asked you to kiss me right now, to make me feel—I don’t know—something other than this awful crushing weight inside me, could it just be that? I don’t want to make things more complicated than they already are.”
He’s gone very still, hand frozen beside my cheek.
“See, I told you,” I say, miserably. “It’s not fair—”
His lips come down on mine like a firebrand, hot and inexorable, and I wrap my hand around his bicep, gripping tight.
His hand drops to my jaw, tilting my face up for a better angle to claim me, urging my mouth open and taking his fill of me.
It’s exactly what I wanted. All-consuming, igniting a rush of pleasure and desire that seeps right down to my toes.
I dart my tongue across his lips, giving him permission, and then his tongue is tasting every part of my mouth as I cling to him.
Eventually, after a few long, exquisite minutes, we pull reluctantly apart. I take a moment to come back to reality, finally starting to forgive myself for all the mistakes I made with Syrus in Infernum. How could I have expected to think straight about anything when he was kissing me like that?
“Better?” he asks, his eyes so dark I almost can’t see the red in them.
“Yes,” I breathe. Because it’s true.
“I have to go,” he says, sounding as unenthusiastic about the idea as I feel. “It’s too risky to be away from the Seraph Seat for long. And I have another stop to make on the way.”
“What kind of stop?” I ask suspiciously.
“The agreement was nothing more, Leah,” he taunts. “That includes what I get up to when I leave this room.”
I roll my eyes, “You just want to avoid giving answers again.” But rather than being annoyed, I’m mostly just relieved that heavy, wrung-out feeling has left me.
“I do,” he says simply. “But that was the deal. I hope it was worth it.”
As he climbs out of my window and disappears into the night, I secretly think that kiss most definitely was.