32 #2
There are no cries of seagulls, no crashing waves. The sand burns, the ocean is dried up. I can’t find anything to enjoy about this place, staring at the beach with empty eyes.
Movement catches my attention. Lavian appears out of nowhere. His fingers are bloody. I just stare at him. They’re bloody as they were when he killed Mathys.
He looks at his hands, frowning, then back at me.
“You finally came,” he says, walking towards me, but something in my expression makes him stop.
“Why did you attack the demons?” I ask coldly. “It was a—”
“A suicide mission, I know,” Lavian says softly, and the pain in his voice makes my muscles relax. He crosses his muscular arms over his broad chest. “But we had no choice because… in war, sometimes sacrifices serve a greater purpose.”
I narrow my eyes. Isn’t that what Darya said?
“Were you really there?” he asks. It takes me a moment to realize he’s referring to Mathys and when Darya somehow made us invisible. I nod slowly, not taking my eyes off him.
I read somewhere to never turn your back on a killer.
“How is that possible?” he asks, beside me now. “That we didn’t see you?”
I look at the dried-up ocean. A breeze touches my skin.
“You killed the boy.”
In the distance, I hear seagulls.
“Lotte, please, look at me!” he says seriously, and I do.
I see a broken look. Centuries of fighting his own soul.
“I hate doing this,” he whispers, sitting next to me. “You shouldn’t have seen that.”
“That’s exactly what I needed to see,” I reply flatly. “That you’re just like them.”
Lavian is stunned.
“You can’t be serious! Lotte, if we didn’t kill the boy, Darya would turn him into a demon! Use him against us, and he’d die in the war, anyway! The Kraldem would sacrifice him as a soldier.”
“You could have taken him with you. That boy was good…”
“No, Lotte. He wasn’t. The demon blood in his veins was already flaring up. A demon-blooded can’t come to Herebu.”
“I have demon blood in me!” I snap, and a seagull cries out in the distance. “Would I never have a place with you?”
Lavian’s face softens.
“Do you think we’d go through all this if we didn’t know you belong with us?”
I laugh bitterly.
“What will my first mission be? Do I have to kill someone? Seriously, Lavian, that kid wasn’t even five years old…”
“He didn’t deserve it!” Lavian snaps, shouting so loudly that I fall silent.
Though it happened weeks ago, Mathys’s gaze still pierces me. However, there’s something in Lavian’s voice that makes me waver for the first time since.
“None of them deserve to die,” he continues, sighing and rubbing his eyes.
“They’re children, and you’d think they have a choice.
But they don’t, believe me! I once thought like you.
I spared one. The girl could barely speak.
She seemed innocent. She made flower wreaths, helped her dying mother, and was only six years old.
I pitied her. I didn’t want to believe she could become a killer.
I barely noticed the smell of her blood. ”
Lavian removes his hand from his eyes and looks at me sadly. Centuries of sorrow cast a shadow on his face.
“After Darya raised her, she killed two of my brothers.”
I swallow hard.
I shouldn’t be surprised. If Darya taught me anything, it’s that nothing is black or white. But decisions have to be made, and as he said, decisions come at a price.
“I know how you feel,” Lavian continues.
“Believe me, I do! But if we don’t stop Darya, this will continue.
Yes, we kill children, but we do it for the lesser evil.
There are no more angel-blooded humans. The world is corrupted, they’re extinct.
The only way to stop Darya from overrunning us is to cut off their source… ”
He swallows hard, then looks deeply into my eyes before continuing.
“It’s not just the Demon King who will be stopped if you open the Gates of Heaven – we will be, too. There will be no more need for killing. But if Darya wins, he will destroy all the good things left in the Second World. And it wouldn’t be different in your world.”
Lavian seems sincere; his eyes are pleading. Pleading for me to continue, to fight for them. But I won’t be so na?ve as to walk into unclear deals again.
“What happens exactly if we open the Gates of Heaven?”
Lavian raises his eyebrows and shakes his head.
“I don’t know exactly,” he admits, and I huff in frustration. “Redemption will come to the world, making it similar to Paradise. We’ll be home again. Do you think it could be worse than the Gates of Hell?”
I tilt my head to the side.
No, I don’t think it could be worse.
“Then why should I open either of them?” I ask flatly. “You should have let me die back then! That would have ended all this.”
Lavian’s face darkens.
“If you don’t open one of the gates, everything will continue as it is. Children will keep disappearing in your world, either killed by us or abducted by Darya.”
“Amazing options.”
Lavian nods.
“Being the chosen one must be a heavy burden.”
I stare at the ocean, waves starting to lap my feet. Lavian seems sincere, but can I trust him? Maybe Darya’s goal was to show me I can trust no one.
In summary, if I don’t open a door, it’s not just about returning to the psychiatric ward; children will keep being killed. I clench my fists. An apple-green gaze flashes in my mind, accompanied by the image of Bengt’s collapsed face.
If Bengt hadn’t died of cancer and, instead, someone could have saved him, would they have done so? Is that my purpose? To save siblings when no one saved mine?
My heart beats strongly. Although I told Lavian I wished he had killed me, I don’t want to die anymore. I want to live, but I can’t go back to the human world. I have to choose. But how can I?
I haven’t thought about this for two weeks. Or maybe that’s all I’ve thought about. It doesn’t matter. I didn’t want to face reality; I drank Darya’s blood and enjoyed what happened afterwards.
But there’s much more at stake than what I want. It’s time to grow up and not hide from responsibility, even if that’s what I’d prefer to do.
As the sun sets and red hues break through the clouds, I begin to see beyond my grief.
The angels would die if Darya could gather everyone.
They choose the lesser evil, and judging by Lavian’s pained expression, they don’t enjoy it.
They suffer from it. They believe in something – God or whatever else, I don’t know – but they speak of redemption in Paradise.
“Tell me about Herebu,” I ask.
Lavian sighs deeply.
“Herebu is a beautiful place. You’ll like it. We try to preserve it, as few of us as there are left. We don’t hold ceremonies like the demons. We haven’t grown in a long time, so every loss is painfully felt.”
I grimace. Like today’s loss.
“And Paradise?”
His face softens.
“I’ve never been there – none of us have. But we have a book given by Théos to the oldest angels. It describes how we once belonged to him, and he to us. We lived in his garden, and there we knew no pain, no fear, no revenge.”
As he speaks, Pandora’s words come to mind. She described the world similarly, before the gods used her as a lab rat.
“I know someone who lived there.”
“Pandora?”
I nod.
Lavian looks ahead and we stay silent for a while.
“Lotte,” he says after some time. “I need to know where you stand and if you’re willing to join us.”
I sigh.
I imagine a world without grief. Where my brother is still alive, where my sister can never die. Where my family finds peace, where there’s hope for eternal life. Where a sibling no longer mourns. Could that come with the angels?
Mathys’s face continues to burn in my mind, an apple-green fire consuming my thoughts. I’ll never forget, but his death will remind me why I do everything. Why I must fight.
For the children. For the siblings. For myself.
A tear rolls down my cheek. I want to forget Mathys’s features; I want the waves to wash away his hopeful smile. As the cold ocean creeps closer to my thighs, the boy’s memory starts to fade.
“I’ve always been with you,” I whisper, looking at Lavian.
The man’s previously tense shoulders relax, a silent sigh escaping his lips.
His face becomes serious, like a true warrior’s.
“Alright,” he says, “because the plan has changed. We’re getting you out tonight.”