37
I sit on the bed. I have no idea how long I’ve been here. I just stare ahead, the yellow eyes around me remaining closed. My ears are ringing.
I’ve been left alone.
The trace of Darya’s hand still burns my skin, the cold touch of his lips sharpening the memory. I tremble – the cold has penetrated my bones, even though I shouldn’t feel cold in this place.
I need to pull myself together.
I keep telling myself that I did it for the angels, that I had no other choice, and I half believe it.
How else could I have kept Darya here? And what would have been the point of not enjoying it?
Why should I feel bad? Sex has always had a purpose in my life.
Should I have suffered through it? Should I have pretended that…
No. I didn’t pretend. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed every minute of it, from start to finish.
Maybe that’s the demon blood in me. I enjoy being in bed with the devil. But who cares if, with this, I helped the angels?
My mind slowly clears, and I realize what has happened: Lavian and the angels have broken in. I can’t believe I didn’t hear anything before, but now I hear sharp sounds. Wingbeats, the clash of weapons… and here I sit on my bed, naked.
I jump up and hastily put on a jumpsuit. I press my forehead against the wall to think. It’s like I’m still in shock.
I’ve never been ashamed of my body or who I give myself to.
Although I lost a lot of weight after my brother’s death, now that I’ve regained my old shape, or maybe a much stronger one, I never even considered being embarrassed in front of Darya.
In truth, I never felt at a disadvantage, even when I was thin.
I got what I wanted; I got Nathan, and not just him.
The demons took my dreams, and the drugs took my days.
If my mind wasn’t capable, the only thing I could rely on to survive all this was my body.
Slowly, I went mad from the psychiatrists and my parents’ fights.
And finally, I went mad because of my brother’s death.
And then I turned against myself. I punished and purged myself. I wanted to get rid of myself.
I push away from the wall. So, I gave in to a demon, and…? I used him, not the other way around. I used my body for what it always was: a distraction.
And most importantly, it worked. I got rid of Darya, and now I must go for the dagger. I still have time.
I straighten up and rush to the door, but as I try to yank the handle, I curse. It’s locked. I hit and kick it, but to no avail. I collapse in front of it. Despair creeps coldly up my spine. I won’t get out.
But if I don’t get out… if I don’t get out, Darya will kill me.
Maybe we just connected, but deep down, I know the truth. He will know that I’m on the angels’ side, that I was the one who distracted him.
He will know that such coincidences don’t happen.
You are only worth more to me dead if I see you on the angels’ side.
He will know… Darya will figure it out…
I think of taking the last celestial orb, so Lavian can find me.
But judging by the sounds echoing through the cave system, the battle is still raging.
The walls of my cell shake, and thick dust rises from the ceiling with an explosion.
I hear shouts, growing sharper. Demonic blares mix with the roars of monsters.
I wonder how many will die because of me.
Will Nárs survive? Will the kidnapped children be buried under the rubble? Will I ever see Lavian again?
I squeeze the celestial orb between my fingers, which I found in the jumpsuit Darya tore apart, and with my eyes closed, I think of Lavian. Nothing.
I have to get out of here.
I grab my bag, pull out the makeup kit, the hairpin, the mirror, the tweezers, the paint – everything Nàrs returned to me.
I attack the bars. I have no idea how to do it, I even take out my bank card and try to use it like I saw in a movie, but nothing.
The tools clumsily fall from my hands, and my card breaks in two. I pound the door angrily.
“Darya!” I scream. “Let me out!”
Nothing. Then the wall explodes, throwing me back.
My chest stings as I gasp for breath, as if tiny needles are stabbing me from the inside.
Dust covers my face. I cough. I pull my leg out from under the rocks, dizzy, as if bells are ringing in my ears.
With my right hand, I reach under my head and see sticky, red liquid spreading across my palm.
The room spins as if I’m on a carousel, and my stomach churns as I push myself up.
My left arm, along with my bag, is trapped under the rubble, and its only now the pain reaches my consciousness.
I scream. It’s like I’m burning from the inside out.
I try to roll the stones off my arm, but they are too heavy.
Blood continues to seep from my head. The room’s lights start to dim.
“Lotte!”
A familiar voice echoes in the destroyed space. A dead demon lies in front of me; I don’t recognize him. Above him, with a bloody spear, is Lavian. His bronze eyes stare at me in horror. He quickly pulls his spear out of the dead demon. His white wings are dirty with dust and blood.
With a simple move, he sweeps the stones off my hand, making me groan. I’m sure my arm is broken.
“Lotte! Lotte, look at me!” He presses his hand to my face, and I smell the iron scent of dried blood on his palm, but his voice comes from afar. His bronze eyes shine, and it’s as if golden specks form a halo above his head.
“You’re beautiful…” I whisper, and he grimaces. He tears a piece from his clothing, bandages my head, and secures my arm to my body, then lifts me into his arms. He throws my bag over his shoulder.
“Is it in there?” he asks, bringing me back to reality.
“Let me go!” I say firmly, shocking Lavian.
“We have to leave…”
“I don’t have the dagger.”
The angel’s features tighten, and he slowly releases me.
“I know where it is,” I declare, grabbing my head as the world spins around me.
Lavian’s jaw tightens, and he sighs angrily. “We should already be gone…”
“Give me my bag,” I say, already taking it off his shoulder and heading towards the rubble. “I’ll get it. Just cover me!”
Lavian seems surprised, but quickly composes himself and follows me. “How do you know where it is?” he asks.
“I just do.” I’m not entirely sure how, but Pandora was right. Somehow, my blood will show me where it is. I have to trust it. I have to trust myself.
“Then lead the way,” Lavian says firmly, slicing down a demon that suddenly leaps from the wall.