36
Soleil
My heartbeat pounds in my ears as I walk down the corridor back to Vayla’s workshop, the same question circling round and round.
What do I want? What do I want? What do I want?
What I really want is more time to decide, more time to think, to not have this deadline looming over my head.
Only… that wouldn’t really help, would it? It would just be kicking the can, giving myself more time to ruminate and tie myself into knots instead of making a damn decision.
I close my eyes and try to picture a life that will give me everything I want.
My place at the coven.
The change I want to enact for my sister witches.
A feeling of satisfaction in doing real, important work.
The chance to repair things with Seren.
And…
Finn.
I want Finn to be in my life, and I don’t know how that will be possible.
At least not without him always feeling like he comes second. When my responsibilities as an Ascended priestess mean my commitment to him takes a back seat, when the coven wants something from me, he’ll always be the one left waiting.
There are no good answers, no middle ground I can imagine, and I’m so wrapped up in the dread of it all that I barely even notice when a tall, handsome demon materializes in front of me.
I barely avoid running right into him.
Heart leaping into my throat, magick sparkling against my skin like it always does when he’s near, he wraps his strong arms around me to keep me from tumbling to the floor.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, one hand under my jaw so he can tip my face up toward his.
“Nothing’s wrong.”
Even I don’t believe me.
Not with the way my voice jumps an octave and trembles like an autumn leaf in the wind.
“Sunshine,” he says cautiously, and I shake my head to cut him off before he can continue.
“Can we just go somewhere?”
Finn’s brow creases. “Go where?”
“Anywhere, I don’t care.” I take his hand and pull him after me, not even really sure where I’m headed, but desperate for some fresh air.
It’s not like it’ll help. Not really.
But I can’t breathe. I can’t think. I can’t do anything other than—
“Alright,” Finn says gently, and his acceptance makes me want to cry. “Come here.”
He pulls me back to him, lifts me into his arms—into the space that feels like it was made for me, specifically—and opens a portal without another word.