Chapter 36
Callum
“Callum, what the hell?”
Seren is—justifiably—confused and irritated at my behavior.
“Who was that, and why did we just—”
“That was my mother.”
After hopping through three portals in quick succession, we’re both breathing hard.
Seren looks a little green, and it’s just one more thing to be ashamed for, not thinking how much strain it would cause her to portal out of Traverdale just as quickly as we portalled in.
She lets go of my hand and staggers a few steps away, doubling over with one hand braced on a tree trunk as she attempts to regain her breath.
We’re just outside the main entrance to the court, and I hope to hell Finn is here this time, because I don’t know where we’ll go if he isn’t.
“Nice way to greet your mom.”
Seren’s words grate against my already raw conscience, enough that I can’t stop the glare I shoot at her.
My witch glares right back.
And fine, maybe I deserve it.
Here I am, a fully grown demon more than capable of facing up to my problems, and I just turned tail and ran rather than doing so.
“We’re going to talk about this.”
“If we can just go into the court and—”
“Nope. We’re talking about it now.” She straightens, still glaring, and despite it all, I can’t help but be impressed by her.
Indomitable, my witch.
I could take a few lessons from her.
“Seren—”
“Callum.” She doesn’t let me get out a single word of excuse, doesn’t give me any more chances to evade her. “Unless you want me to march myself into court and find another demon to take me back to the Veil, I suggest you tell me what the hell happened back there.”
No part of me wants her to know. I don’t want my pain and my shame laid out for her judgment and condemnation. I don’t want to see the look on her face when she realizes how deeply unsuitable I am to be her mate.
But I also know she’s right. I owe her this.
So I tell her.
I tell her about my mother, about my father and the mess he left us in. I tell her how I tried for years to keep our heads above water and how I was never able to succeed until I signed my contract with Myron.
I tell her what that contract means.
Years.
I’ll have years earning my way out of it and spending every spare cent to keep a roof over my mother’s head. Years I won’t be fully able to make my own choices, that I’ll be beholden to the mistakes of my past and the mistakes others made before me.
When I’m finished, my chest is tight. I’m drowning in the shame of it, and in the futile wish I had something better to offer my mate than a half-life, burdened by debt. A life I don’t want for myself and could never ask her to accept in a partner.
“So that’s your reason?” Seren asks, with a terrible tenderness and understanding in her voice that makes me want to crawl out of my skin. “Why didn’t you just say so?”
“Don’t you understand?” Why doesn’t she understand, why isn’t she as disgusted with my failure as I am? “I’ve made a mess of it all. I’ve failed everyone, failed myself, entered into a contract that means I can’t be there for you how you need me to.”
“And all of that might be fixed after tomorrow,” Seren points out.
It might.
And we also might both lose our lives tomorrow. Or the queen might decide she’d rather have her lover trussed up and dragged back to her, no matter the cost to him.
Even if we succeed, it doesn’t erase the fact of my shame.
“None of it matters. Not the hunt. Not the bounty.”
It’s the truth. I may have initially entertained Pytri and his news about the hunt because the prize was so rich, but that’s not the reason I’m still here.
She must know that.
“But you entered the hunt,” she argues. “You went to that Goddess-forsaken realm to hear the queen’s challenge.”
I let out a harsh breath. “I wouldn’t have bothered going just for the sake of my debts.”
“Then why did you?”
I meet her eye and wait for her to puzzle out the truth of it for herself.
It takes one heartbeat, two, a handful more before her mouth falls open on a short, surprised inhale.
“Oh.”
“I went because you went, star. I went because I couldn’t bear the idea of you there alone, at any hunter’s mercy, with no one to look out for you.”
“You didn’t even know me then,” she protests.
“My soul knew yours.” It’s as honest an answer as I can give her.
Her eyes gleam briefly, but she buries whatever emotion is shining there and throws up her hands in frustration.
“I never asked you to.”
“I know.”
“So what am I supposed to do with that?” she asks, voice breaking on the question. “How am I supposed to make sense of it?”
“I went to Faerie because you’re my mate,” I concede. “I went because whatever magick and blessing of the Goddess that ties us together made it intolerable for me to imagine you there alone. All of that is true.”
She opens her mouth like she’s about to interrupt, but I press on, hoping she’ll give me time to explain.
“But now? Now that I’ve gotten to know you, now that we’ve spent this time together and I see what this magick really is, what it promises, what it means, there is nowhere I wouldn’t go.
There is nothing I wouldn’t do to ensure your safety.
You’re the other half of my soul, Seren, whether or not you feel it, too. ”
Her eyes gleam again, and I make myself push through.
“I only wish it could be enough to make me worthy of you.”
She lets out her breath in a frustrated huff. “How about you let me decide what’s worthy of me and what’s not?”
I open my mouth to offer… well, I’m not really sure. More self-flagellation, probably. More reasons she should see me the way I see myself.
A failure, and utterly unworthy of her.
But before I can get any of the words out, a voice calls through the trees.
“Who’s there?”
Both our heads snap toward the sound, and a moment later a guard steps into the clearing. He’s wearing the insignia of the court and carrying an impressively large crossbow. I step quickly between the guard and Seren, shielding her with my body and wings.
“Court visitors,” I say, clearing my throat.
“All the way out here?”
I scowl at him. He scowls back.
Apparently everyone in the realm is sick of my shit tonight.
“We were just about to head in.”
His scowl doesn’t waver as he jerks his head back toward the court’s entrance. “Off with you, then.”
I reach for Seren’s hand, but she brushes me off and steps around me.
The guard’s eyes widen and his mouth falls open. “A witch?”
Bewildered, Seren looks from me to the guard and then back again. “Uh, yes?”
He takes a half-step forward, looking at my mate as if she’s some sort of prize he might claim. “I didn’t think there were any new Crescent witches due to come to court.”
Still befuddled, Seren shakes her head slowly. “Not a Crescent witch. And this is an unplanned visit, sorry.”
“Of course,” he says quickly, all smiles now that he’s dealing with this realm’s newest fascination. “And no apologies needed, my lady. The court is always open to human visitors.”
Witch visitors, he means. Witches who have come to this realm and found their demon mates in droves. It’s been all the talk these past few months, and everyone wants to get a glimpse of the new, soft, lovely creatures in our midst, hoping they’ll be blessed by the Goddess.
That suspicion is confirmed when he inhales deeply as we walk by.
Scenting her.
My growl is instinctive and immediate, earning me a confused stare from Seren and another scowl from the guard.
I couldn’t care less.
He should know she’s spoken for.
With a hand in the middle of my witch’s back, I guide her further down the path toward the entrance to the court. She doesn’t pull away this time, but whether she’s less angry at me or just unnerved by the entire situation, I can’t say.
“What was his deal?” Seren glances back over her shoulder.
I stride determinedly ahead, fighting down the instinct to place a hand on her chin and keep her eyes on me.
Goddess above, I don’t deserve her, and yet I still feel like a half-feral beast at the idea of anyone else having her.
“Witches are… still a novelty in this realm.”
Seren snorts. “Yeah. In other realms, too.”
I don’t like the thought of that, either. I don’t like imagining some troll or some elf or some ogre leering at her just like that guard.
But everything is muddled, a mess. Our conversation is unfinished, and I don’t know where we stand.
Maybe she feels the same, because she sighs and reaches for my hand. “Come on, then. Show your novelty inside the demon court, and we can figure out the rest later.”
It lifts my spirits, if only the slightest bit.
My mate still trusts me at least enough to have me lead her forward, to give me her hand and call a temporary truce.
Enough. Enough for now.