Chapter 41 #2
I mean, sure, he’s been all in his head about what would happen if the bounty wasn’t enough to make all his problems disappear, but he can’t mean…
“So you’re what? Just leaving me here?”
“I can see you back to the human realm and make sure—”
“You know that’s not what I mean.”
Again, he falls silent, and anger sparks hot in my chest, right alongside a stab of desperation and something that feels dangerously like heartbreak.
Damn this demon for making me feel this way. Damn him for not even being willing to hash it out, to find some kind of middle ground.
“What happened to everything you said last night?” I ask. “What happened to you telling me you never want me to feel alone?”
My voice cracks, and Callum’s face falls further, if such a thing is even possible.
He looks almost as devastated as I feel, but my sympathy for it is in critically short supply right now.
Why can’t he see he can have this?
Why can’t he believe he deserves it?
“I want all of that, star. And we’ll have it, I promise. I’ll… I’ll figure something out. I just need time.”
“Time,” I say flatly. “How much time?”
He hesitates, agony written all over his face. “I don’t know.”
“And in the meantime, what do I do? Just go back to my realm and back to my normal life? Sit on my ass and wait for you to decide you’ve got the time for me again?”
“Star—”
“Oh, don’t star me. If you’re dumping me, at least use my name.”
“I’m not!” He runs a frustrated hand through his hair, mussing the long, dark tangle of it. “I just need some—”
“Time. Got it. Understood.”
I’m just as frustrated as he is, and probably not making the best decisions right now, but fuck if I have it in me to be reasonable.
None of this is reasonable.
We’ve just spent several very unreasonable days together, tested this bond of ours in a trial by fire, and the way I feel about him is so very far from reasonable it’s tearing the heart right out of my chest.
“I don’t expect you to put your life on hold for me, Seren.”
“Good. I don’t plan to.” I sound petulant, childish, but Callum only nods.
“And your half of the bounty, I hope it will help you, too. Help you with the life you were searching for when you went to hear the fae queen’s challenge.”
What life?
I never really had a plan for what I was going to do if I won the bounty. I never let myself think that far ahead.
Or maybe, like usual, I was just too caught up in the moment to even be capable of thinking that far ahead. Like I always do, I was so ready to jump in with both feet, not giving a damn where I landed.
Now that I have landed, though, I can’t imagine wanting anything else.
“It won’t be forever,” he says. “There are just a few things I need to get in order, a few things I need to do so I can be—”
“We talked about this. Remember? I get to decide.”
Callum takes a step closer, and I know I should move back. But my feet are rooted to the ground. Even when he stops right in front of me and curls a hand around my jaw, I don’t move.
“I won’t ask you to trust me in this,” he says solemnly. “But I plan to earn that trust. I’ll do everything I can as fast as I can, st—Seren. I promise.”
“When will I see you again?”
He doesn’t exactly have a phone I can just dial him up on. No social media to stalk. Nothing but this stubborn tug of magick in the center of my chest, which I’m beginning to suspect would draw me to him no matter where he was.
“Soon.”
I lay my head against his chest and sigh. “That’s a little vague.”
“Very soon? As soon as I can get away, I’ll find you.”
“What if I’m in the human realm?”
“Then I’ll put my glamour on and come find you there. You’ve still got it?”
“I’ve still got it.” I dip a hand into my bag and pull the ring out.
Callum takes it and stows it safely away. “There. Now there’s nowhere I can’t find you.”
It should be enough. Knowing he’s just got some stuff of his own he needs to sort out. Knowing he plans to come for me when he’s free. Knowing I’m an adult with my own life, who’s perfectly capable of living that life on my own, like I have done for years.
It should be enough.
But it’s absolutely not enough, and the hug he pulls me into feels a hell of a lot like a goodbye. The kiss he presses to my forehead feels like a goodbye.
“I’ll see you soon, Seren.”
He turns to leave, and I grab his hand.
This kiss feels like goodbye, too, but what a goodbye it is.
I kiss him with everything I have, with everything I am, with all the longing and frustration and hope that this isn’t actually goodbye.
It’s over too soon, and when he steps through the Veil and disappears, I miss him as soon as he goes.
I’m half-tempted to jump in after him, to keep arguing, to make him see.
There’s no reason the two of us shouldn’t do this together, too, and… and… fuck.
Callum showed up for me when he had no reason to other than the bond in his chest and the certainty it was where he needed to be. That I was where he needed to be.
When I had my own shit to sort out and wouldn’t even stop long enough to give him the time of day, he was there. When I needed time to figure it out, he gave me that time.
I let out a long breath, mind racing.
Goddess, we’re bad at this.
Bad at being mates. Bad at accepting help. Bad at getting out of our own damn way.
But just like Callum stuck it out until I came around, I don’t intend on letting him run away from me, either.
At least not without one more fight. One more try.
I bide my time, hanging by the Veil for a few minutes to make sure I don’t run right into Callum when I do what I’m about to do.
The plan—like all my plans—is only half-formed, and will most definitely hinge on me calling on a few friends for favors.
But it’s always seemed to work out for me in the past, and now I’ve got more motivation than ever to figure it the hell out.
When enough time has passed, I lay my hand on the stone.
It flickers through a kaleidoscope of colors, all the different portals to all the different realms flashing in those swirling depths before landing on the one I want.
With a deep, bracing breath, I step into crimson ether.