9. CHAPTER
CHAPTER
NINE
By the time the finale was over, Dill had unpickled himself and Gammy declared that the caboose juice was ready. It was unclear if it had been ready earlier and she’d simply been too sucked into the show to realize it sooner.
Either way, it tasted fucking awful.
At least Indy had plenty of booze to wash it down.
He was pretty buzzed by then, and Gammy insisted that he eat something because he hadn’t had anything since his coffee that he didn’t even get to finish.
Food didn’t sound like a bad idea considering the juice was giving him the worst indigestion and sloshing around horribly in his stomach.
He didn’t know if that was normal or not, but he didn’t want to question any possible side effects with Mr. Heiss hovering so close by.
Indy opened the fridge, finding it completely empty.
There weren’t even condiments.
“What the hell?” he asked. “Demons don’t eat?”
“We do,” Mr. Heiss replied. “But we do not cook.”
“Like you can’t learn.” Gammy scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Typical.”
“Have you known many demons?”
“I’ve known many men. So, either get me some groceries or get this boy some Grub Bub or whatever it’s called. He needs to eat.”
“Fine.” Mr. Heiss glanced at his claws as if he didn’t care in the slightest and yet he asked, “Well? What do you want?”
“Oh! Are we eating on your tab, sir?” Indy batted his eyelashes sweetly. “Because in that case—”
“Tell me what you want to eat.”
“Ass. But not yours. Because you suck.”
Mr. Heiss smirked and let the very tip of his tongue flick out over his lips.
Wait, it looked like…
No.
There was no way Mr. Heiss had more than one tongue.
Indy ignored how his face heated up, indignantly continuing, “How about pizza? Can you handle that?”
Mr. Heiss plucked a donut off the tray on the counter. It had rainbow sprinkles and bright pink icing. “What kind?”
“Black olives, pineapple, and mushrooms.”
“You’re shitting me.”
“Nope. It’s my favorite pizza, so can you make that happen or not?”
“Yes.” Mr. Heiss snapped his fingers.
A pizza box appeared in front of Indy. He didn’t hesitate to open it, groaning loudly when he saw exactly the pizza he wanted inside. It was still steaming hot.
“I was surprised. That’s all.” Mr. Heiss looked over the donut in his hand.
Indy was too hungry to care what Mr. Heiss thought about his pizza choices. He knew it was unusual, but he didn’t give a crap. Being mindful of potentially scalding his tongue, he wolfed down as much pizza as fast as he could.
Dill hovered nearby, leaning over to give the pizza a curious sniff.
“Whant shum?” Indy turned the box toward him.
Dill blinked.
Indy swallowed the bite in his mouth to ask more clearly, “Do you want some? Can you… Can you even eat? Do you need to eat?”
Dill eyed the pizza, sniffed at the pineapple, and shook his head. He retreated, fussing noisily.
“What? It’s good! It’s just pineapple.” Indy laughed. “Some people do consider it a crime against pizza, but eh, whatever.”
Dill grunted as if agreeing.
Around the end of the last bite of slice number three was when Indy became aware that Gammy and Mr. Heiss were very quiet.
Too quiet.
And it was because they were having a staring contest.
Gammy didn’t have to blink.
She was dead.
Mr. Heiss was very much alive, but he seemed to be giving Gammy quite the challenge. He was completely still except for the thoughtful swish of his long spaded tail, his eyes bright and twinkling but definitely not blinking.
Gammy finally did though—maybe it was a mental thing—and she immediately sneered. “Ugh! What?”
“What?” Mr. Heiss echoed, breaking his gaze to glance over the donut in his hand.
“Ha! You gonna keep playing with that thing or are you gonna eat it?”
Indy almost choked.
Mr. Heiss narrowed his eyes and then promptly shoved the entire donut in his mouth. No hesitation. No chewing. It was gone in a single bite, though a bite implied some level of chewing and it appeared Mr. Heiss had swallowed it whole like a snake wolfing down an egg.
“Holy shit.” Indy cackled. “And I thought I could fit a lot in my mouth.”
Mr. Heiss scoffed, turning his head to unsuccessfully hide a smile.
“And on that note, you should go to bed.” Gammy gave Indy a small hug. “Let the juice do its work and get some rest, all right? Thanks to some people—” She shot Mr. Heiss a glare. “—you’ve had quite a stressful day.”
“No shit.” Indy barked out a quick laugh. He tried to hug Gammy back, but she was not able to stay corporeal for very long. The result sent Indy tipping forward and smacking into the counter.
Dill whined in distress.
“Oh! Sweetie cakes!” Gammy cried. “I’m so sorry! Still trying to get my strength back—”
“I’m fine! I’m okay, promise! I’m—” Indy grunted as Mr. Heiss’s tail snapped around his middle to assist in straightening him out. He gave the tail a firm stroke and swore it shivered. “Thank you. I’m okay. Thank you, everyone. But yeah, it’s definitely time for my beauty sleep.”
And hopefully time for the pizza to soak up some of the excess booze so he could sober the hell up too. He needed to shower, wash his face, and brush his teeth, but all that he wanted right then was a bed.
Maybe hugs.
Some cuddles.
Perhaps a nice, long, hard—no.
No, no. Just the bed.
“Where are your linens? Pillows?” Gammy asked Mr. Heiss. “You don’t seem to have a guest room, but—”
“He will take my bed.” Mr. Heiss ushered Indy out of the kitchen. “Don’t worry. I won’t be in it.”
“Better not be,” Indy declared as he unsteadily marched down the hallway. “Still pissed at you over these stupid ass jammies. Do you have any idea what a crime it is to hide this perfect little body? My revenge will be legendary, you just fucking wait.”
“Oh, of course,” Mr. Heiss cooed in the most condescending tone humanly possible.
Demonly possible.
Demonish? Demonically?
Fuck, Indy really needed to pass out.
“Night, Gammy! Night, Dill!” Indy called out over his shoulder as he made friends with the wall, using it to support himself as he walked along. “Love you!”
Dill squeaked.
“Good night! Love you!” Gammy hollered back. “Looks like it’s me and you, Dilly bean, my dear. So, you want to go watch more RuPaul with me, big fellow? Next season is supposed to be even better and…”
Indy smiled to himself, charmed by the thought of Gammy binging more drag queens with Dill. She didn’t need to sleep and presumably neither did Dill. Maybe they’d light a candle so Aodnait could join them too. Indy would have loved to join them, but he needed sleep.
Sleep, bed.
Throwing up?
No.
No.
Why was this seriously the longest hallway in the history of ever?
Where was the bedroom?
And where the hell was Mr. Heiss?
Indy thought he’d been right behind him, but he found nothing when he looked over his shoulder.
The simple movement was a horrible decision as it made everything spin violently.
He stumbled, one plush Sonic slipper catching on the other as he tried to adjust his feet, and he pitched forward through the bedroom doorway. “Ah, fu—”
Mr. Heiss was already inside the room and effortlessly caught him. “Are you all right?”
“Oh, uh…” Indy blinked up at Mr. Heiss, bracing himself on his chest. “Yup. Good. Ready for another round.”
“I think you’ve had enough, hmm?”
“I didn’t trip because I’m drunk. Because I’m not drunk.” Indy swayed, pressing closer purely to steady himself.
Yes, that was it.
Mr. Heiss arched a very dubious eyebrow.
“Okay, I might be a little drunk, but really I tripped over these stupid slippers. So, technically, this is all your fault for putting me in this dumb shit.”
“Then explain why you can barely stand.”
“What? I’m fine! I’m just dancing!” Indy grinned, swinging his hips back and forth. “See?”
“Dancing?” Mr. Heiss tilted his head, and a tiny smile played over his lips. “Is that what you call your intoxicated thrashing?”
“Oh, fuck you very much. I am a great dancer.” Indy stood up straighter and moved his body with more purpose and focus. “Guess you never caught one of my shows, huh? Because if you had, well, we’d be having a much different conversation”
Mr. Heiss flicked his gaze over Indy’s body. “Can’t say I had the pleasure.”
“Wow, that was almost a compliment. Are you drunk too?” Indy snickered.
“No.”
Indy continued to move, letting himself fall into familiar movements and all but grinding up on Mr. Heiss.
He loved all forms of dance, but shaking his ass and letting loose in a club had been a big favorite.
Pole work and lap dances were an area he was very proficient in, obviously, but he couldn’t bring himself to bust out all the seductive gyrating and dry humping just yet.
He wanted to dance.
He wanted the music to guide him, to lead him through a melody and let his body follow.
He wanted to pump his arms into the air, swing his hips, throw his head back, and get carried away.
He found a tune in his head, maybe he even hummed it, but he might as well have been dancing all by himself because Mr. Heiss hadn’t budged.
All of this time, Mr. Heiss hadn’t reacted at all.
Not a word, not a scowl, nothing.
Just watching.
Indy’s head swam as he slowed down, giving Mr. Heiss’s tie a playful tug. “Hey! Do demons not dance?”
“Some do.” Mr. Heiss dropped a hand to the small of Indy’s back, fanning out his fingers to pull their bodies together. “Can you waltz?”
“Pffft.” Indy grinned. “With my eyes closed.”
“Prove it.”
Classical music played, something familiar but Indy didn’t know its name.
He also had no idea where it was coming from but chalked it up to demon asshole magic.
He could handle this. He could totally waltz.
He had been way more fucked up than this and still nailed an Iron X, Human Flag, and a Brass Monkey on the pole.
He was going to decimate this box step bullshit.
Indy laughed as Mr. Heiss took his hand and led him into a simple waltz. “Okay, holy shit. Look at that. Demons do dance.” He smirked. “Even the giant asshole ones.”
“Look at that. Annoying flesh bags dance too.” Mr. Heiss chuckled.