23. CHAPTER #2
But what good would one little human be against a very pissed-off demon and an also very pissed-off dragon?
Fuck it.
Not like that had ever stopped him before.
Indy snapped his left thumbnail to summon the iron staff and then the one on his left middle finger to bring out the holy relic.
It appeared as a small chip of white, soft like putty, and he spread it up and down the shaft of the staff.
He gave the staff a spin, took a deep breath, and then charged right at Mr. Mitternacht.
He swung the staff as hard as he could right into the back of Mr. Mitternacht’s head.
The resulting thunk was very satisfying.
Mr. Mitternacht screamed, grabbing his head as blood gushed over his claws.
“Indy!” Mr. Heiss barked. “I said go—”
Indy swung again with a snarl, bashing in Mr. Mitternacht’s head. “Can’t hear you! La la la la la!” He reared back for another hit, but something swept his legs right out from under him and sent him sprawling on his back.
Right.
Demons had tails.
Mr. Mitternacht whirled on Indy, and he was absolutely seething. “You are dead.”
Indy had managed not to lose his grip on his staff, and he grinned. “You know, you assholes keep telling me that.” He swung the staff, striking at Mr. Mitternacht’s legs.
Mr. Mitternacht dodged and then dove for Indy, but Mr. Heiss grabbed him by the throat from behind. Mr. Heiss squeezed and squeezed with such force it appeared that he was trying to pull Mr. Mitternacht’s head right off.
“Yeah! Fuck him up, baby!” Indy cheered.
Nyp came slithering out of nowhere—quite literally, as he simply appeared out of nothing—and stabbed Mr. Heiss in the back with a large knife.
Mr. Heiss howled as the metal sizzled, releasing Mr. Mitternacht so he could turn on Nyp. “Traitorous little shit—”
The knife was still sticking out of his back.
“Fuck you!” Nyp shouted. “You were never my friend!”
“No shit!” Mr. Heiss scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I fucking hate you—”
“I hate you too!”
“Oh my God.”
Indy stumbled to his feet just in time to see Mr. Mitternatcht going for the knife. “Look out!”
Mr. Heiss flew into the air, taking off like a shot as he dragged Nyp along for the ride.
Which left Indy alone with Mr. Mitternacht.
“You are very annoying,” Mr. Mitternacht said. “I am really going to enjoy killing you.”
Indy raised the staff. “Good luck, cunt.”
Mr. Mitternacht stepped forward…
At least, he tried to.
Nyp’s body landed right on top of him, having been dropped from high in the sky, sending them both to the ground in a tangled heap with a sickeningly wet crunch.
Dill’s pained cry drew Indy’s attention back to where he was fighting Murray, and Indy’s heart dropped to his stomach as he watched Dill stumble to the ground. Dill was technically dead, but Indy had no idea if that meant he could be hurt—killed? Could a ghost be killed again? What the fuck?
Indy also didn’t know if Nyp and Mr. Mitternacht were alive or dead, but he had to hope Mr. Heiss had them handled. He took off to the fire burning away in the trees, shouting, “Aodnait! Hey! Kinda need you to come save your boyfriend! And then the rest of us! Please!”
Aodnait morphed out of the flames, her fiery body crackling wildly as she surged over to Murray and Dill without hesitation. She grew with every step until she was bigger than both of them, and she slammed into Murray and sent them all tumbling into the parking lot.
Cars crunched and several alarms blared as the three giant monsters dueled together.
Aodnait hit Murray with her flaming fists while Dill beat him in the head with a truck.
Murray whipped his tail and sent Dill sprawling again, and then he flapped his wings, creating wild winds that smothered and nearly put out Aodnait’s flames.
Indy was so busy watching he didn’t hear the footsteps behind him until clawed hands snatched him up. “Shit!”
“You’re dead!” Mr. Mitternacht shook Indy violently and screamed right in his face. He was bloody but very much alive.
So much for Mr. Heiss having this handled.
“All of you!” Mr. Mitternacht raged on. “I am going to murder every last one of you—”
Indy snapped his nail and slammed the salt in Mr. Mitternacht’s eyes. “Get fucked!”
Mr. Mitternacht howled, backhanding Indy with enough force to send him soaring into the air.
Indy wailed as he hit something hard—the side of a van—and glass shattered all around him and his world exploded in pain as his left forearm snapped. He hit the ground with an agonized groan, eyes burning as he stared at the unnatural angle his arm now dangled at.
Ow.
Something warm and wet ran down his face, obscuring his vision. Blood—probably cut up from the glass, but he couldn’t focus on much else except the pain in his arm. He was able to find the staff and get to his feet, grunting miserably, and he tried to scan the sky for any sign of Mr. Heiss.
Nothing.
Fabulous.
He heard a horn honking, whipping his head around to stare down a big black truck racing toward him. His stomach dropped and he prepared to run, as this was the only vehicle coming toward the crazy battle with a dragon and not running away from it. He half expected to get run over.
The truck stopped and Seymour came charging out of the back, Day on his shoulder.
“Seymour!” Indy staggered toward him. “Hey!”
“Hey! I got ya’, buddy.” Seymour ran over to intercept him and guide him back to the truck. “Come right over here, we got ya’.”
Day meowed worriedly, and she placed a paw on Indy’s shoulder.
Lou and Neil came out of the truck next, and Lou was already stripping to transform into a magnificent black werewolf. Neil had—for some damn reason—a Rolodex in his hands.
“We saw the news!” Neil said worriedly. “We’ve been trying to call—”
“Please,” Indy pleaded, shaking his head. “Go… help? Help them. I don’t know where Mr. Heiss is or, or fucking anybody! They were trying to get all the people out of here! Please.”
“We’re on it.” Seymour nudged Day. “Hungry, lil’ girl? Wanna try a dragon?”
“Meow.” Day grinned and rubbed her stomach. “Meow? Meow meow.”
Seymour smooched Day’s cheek. “Yeah, we seem to be fresh outta golf clubs, but I think I can figure somethin’ out.”
Overheard, a giant blur of white light zoomed toward the dragon. A quick whoosh implied it was something flappy and feathery. Considering Seymour was here, Indy assumed it was Sariel.
Seymour looked up, smirking. “Show off.” He gave Indy a quick salute. “Try not to die, huh? Keep your head down and stay safe.”
“You just give me two seconds and I’m gonna be right there,” Indy wheezed as he sank to the ground, leaning against the front wheel of the truck.
“Stay,” Seymour warned firmly, though he offered a kind smile. “Can’t kick ass if you’re dead.”
“Touché.” Indy watched him hurry off with Day to join the battle against Murray, and he felt absolutely pathetic.
Everything hurt. He could barely breathe, much less hold his staff.
He heard Dill’s frantic screech and Aodnait’s wailing reply, and he wished to whatever god might be listening to help him please get the hell up.
He had to fight.
He had to do something.
“Hey!” Neil plopped beside Indy. “Are you okay?”
“Monster Fucker Squad showing up in spades,” Indy said with a weak grin. “Yay.”
“Yup. That’s us.” Neil grimaced when he saw the state of Indy’s arm. “Lou! We need Sawbones!”
“On it!” Lou growled. “It’s time for grub, Sawbones.”
A man with a thick beard and long hair appeared, his face obscured by all the tangles. He wore an old military uniform and an apron covered in blood. Indy took a moment to get past all the blood before he realized Sawbones wasn’t hiding his face with his hair—he simply did not have a face.
Great.
Wonderful.
A gaping black hole. So cute.
“Time to visit the troops, Sawbones.” Lou pointed at Indy.
From the empty hole of his face, Sawbones pulled out a thick glass syringe. He held it up and then headed right at Indy.
“What the fuck is that?” Indy squealed. “I’m trying to quit. Do not want.”
“A friend,” Neil soothed. “Just try not to… stare. If you can. It’ll be quick, but he’s going to heal you.”
“Oh my God.” Indy definitely stared.
“Stay with him.” Lou nuzzled Neil’s cheek. “Summon Buffy if you can, all right?”
“All right.” Neil gave Lou’s furry ear a scratch. “We’re supposed to have dinner at Everhart’s, so… don’t die.”
“I’ll do my best, baby.” Lou dropped to all fours and then took off. There was still no sign of Mr. Heiss or Mr. Mitternacht anywhere.
Indy grimaced as Sawbones stuck the needle in his shoulder.
The sting was brief, and he felt oddly tingly all over.
He groaned, watching his arm morphing back into a normal shape.
The pain faded, and he was able to flex his hand.
He peered up at Sawbones, flashed a bright smile, and said, “Great. Thank you. Awesome. Now, if you’ll excuse me—”
“Wait, what are you doing?” Neil tried to grab him.
“I am going to do what I do best.” Indy swatted Neil back, hopping to his feet. He twirled the staff and took a deep breath. “I am going to go fucking ruin a demon’s day.” He paused. “Not my demon though. The other demon this time.”
“Indy—”
“Can’t hear you!” Indy sang out cheerfully as he ran around the car. “Bye!”
“Dammit!” Neil groaned, scampering after him. “Indy, this is a very bad idea!”
“If it was Lou in trouble, what would you be doing?”
“Uh—”
“Yeah? So, shut up and—”
“Okay, okay, I’m shutting up!” Neil panted as he held up the Rolodex. “Good thing I brought some help!”
“How is that supposed to fucking do anything?” Indy snapped.
“Just watch!” Neil hurled the Rolodex at the ground as hard as he could.
Indy skidded to a stop, watching expectantly. He really wasn’t sure what was supposed to be happening. Right now, it was a whole lot of nothing.
But then…