Chapter 46
Chapter Forty-Six
The second and third days with Fia passed much like the first. The women spent most of the day sitting at the table, poring over whatever scrolls Fia could find on the topic of rituals involving change that had to be asked of Gaia.
Since they were all in the ancient Fae form of Gaelic, Sierra mostly listened as Fia translated, jotting down notes whenever she thought of something that could be good to say if she was successfully able to catch the interest of Gaia.
While they were busy most of the day, there was still plenty of downtime for Sierra to stare out one of the small glass-paned windows into the forest, wondering where Aodhan was.
There was no word from him, nor anyone else in the group, and Sierra couldn’t decide whether this was good or not-so-good news.
As she watched the sun fade from the sky at the end of the third day, Sierra cradled a mug in her hands and delved into the thought of what would happen if she was successful at the ritual within the next few days.
She would be Fae, and she would belong in this world.
She would be the closest thing she had ever known to immortal, and she would be stronger and faster than she had ever dreamed of being.
There was also a chance that she would be cured of the auto-immune condition she had battled since childhood and would never have to worry about the appearance of her skin again.
But her mind kept turning back to thoughts of her family.
If this was successful, she would never be able to see them again.
Well, that wasn’t exactly true, but she knew she would only be able to see them for a few years before they began to question why she wasn’t aging.
And while it was possible she could pretend she had found some groundbreaking information during her master’s studies, she also knew there was no way she would be able to hide her pointed ears from her parents long term.
Sierra had never been a hat wearer, and she knew the minute she tried to go home to Dallas in a beanie like Aodhan wore, her mother would know something was amiss.
Sierra’s heart was heavy at the thought of not seeing her family again, but in the same way, she felt slightly liberated. She wished she had left things on better terms with her mother and siblings, but at the same time, she had not truly fit into their lives for far too long.
“They’ll never let you go.” Fia was standing beside Sierra, her light blue eyes reflecting the pink and purple hues of what little sky they could see between the stretched branches of the imposing trees surrounding Fia’s small abode on all sides.
“Of course not,” Sierra replied. “Families aren’t supposed to let you go.
” She had yet to ask Fia to see her new future, and honestly, she didn’t want to, not until the ritual was complete.
This was the path she had chosen now, and she didn’t want anything to draw her away from it, even if it ended in ruin.
“I just hope they’ll eventually learn to move forward without me. ”
“If you want my opinion, you shouldn’t let someone else’s ideas dictate who you want to become.”
“But I didn’t—”
“You didn’t have to.” Fia cut her off. “Your future has been fluctuating. I know this is a hard choice, but you need to choose what will make you truly happy, regardless of what anyone else thinks.”
Silence settled between them for a few moments until Fia turned to face Sierra, flashing a small, sad smile, before looking away once again. “You want to know what happened to my family.” It wasn’t a question.
“I can assume.”
“It’s not the same,” Fia replied, her eyes tracking something in the trees that Sierra’s human eyes couldn’t see. “As you know, it’s rare for Fae to have more than one child.”
Sierra gave a slight dip of her chin that was almost a nod.
“But I am something even more rare. I was a twin.” The way Fia said the word ‘twin’ made it feel as if all the air was suddenly sucked out of the room. A ghostly chill wove its way down Sierra’s spine.
“Fae twins only come every few hundred years, and even then, they are usually two halves of a whole: one the sun, and one the moon, both very powerful in their own right, but also complements to each other. A single soul born into two equal parts.
“When my sister and I were born, we were exact copies of each other, an identical pair, which you call identical twins in the human world.” Fia inhaled. “We were both powerful from a young age, but we both manifested the same power.”
“And that was a problem?”
Fia shook her head. “It’s an abomination, a misdistribution of power. We couldn’t both live—Gaia wasn’t going to allow it—and my parents knew that from the minute our powers manifested as mirror images of each other.”
Sierra didn’t even know Fia’s twin, nor had she known Fia for long, but her heart bled for the woman standing next to her.
“We didn’t have long together. She died shortly after our powers manifested. Her lifespan wasn’t even what humans wouldn’t consider a full one.”
“How did it happen?”
Fia shrugged. “It was sudden. I went to wake her up one morning, as we both still lived with our parents at the time, and she had faded into the next world sometime during the night.”
The air in the room was heavy; Fia’s despair a sour taste on Sierra’s tongue.
“Nothing was ever the same after that. My parents faded not long after, and after meeting Soar and he passed on, I found the only joy I had left in life was to be alone. Because at least when I’m alone, I can pretend that maybe there was some mistake and that she will walk through that door any moment, smiling at me over some secret.
“But when other Fae are around, and I see their sad looks pointed in my direction, the illusion is broken, and I know she isn’t with me anymore.”
Without thinking, Sierra put her hand on Fia’s shoulder, in an attempt to comfort her.
“Loss is never easy, whether you have 80 years or 800 years.” Sierra hadn’t dealt with the loss of a twin, or anything close to that magnitude, but with the way her heart twisted in her chest, she was beginning to think she had somehow absorbed some of Aodhan’s empathetic power over the last couple of weeks.
“And I don’t know how the Fae afterlife works, but many in the human world believe that when someone dies, they are able to watch from the other side as you continue to live, enjoying your life in spirit, as they experience peace in the next life. ”
“Do you believe that?” Fia asked.
“I’m not sure,” she answered honestly. “I thought everything in this world had an answer, until a few years ago I learned that wasn’t the case.
And ever since, I’ve been trying to come to terms with the fact that there may not be an answer for everything, and sometimes you may have to go about your life wondering. ”
“I didn’t tell you all this to make you sad,” Fia replied.
“I’m telling you so you can be prepared.
Becoming nearly immortal may seem like a blessing; if Gaia grants it.
But it’s also a curse all on its own, because if someone you love leaves this life before you, you must live with the grief even longer.
And because all your friends and family are human, someone you love will undoubtedly leave this life before you. ”
Sierra didn’t say anything more as Fia backed away from the window, leaving Sierra alone to watch the final fingers of light fade from the sky. Fia’s words had hit home, except Fia had forgotten one crucial detail.
Sierra had never really had any friends.
Later that evening, they sat by the fire, the silence between them having grown comfortable over the past few hours as both remained sequestered in their thoughts.
“Fia, can I ask you something?” Sierra didn’t take her eyes away from the flames.
“Yes.”
“Am I making a mistake?” Sierra tried to swallow past the lump in her throat, but even though she had been drinking Fia’s concoction all night, she found her throat suddenly parched.
“I can’t answer that.” Fia’s voice was even, a stark contrast to the wobbling Sierra felt on the inside. “Only you can decide which path is right for you. But if you are proceeding with the ritual, we should try the day after tomorrow. We shouldn’t waste time.”
Fia rose from the couch, walking away without a word, leaving Sierra alone with her thoughts.
The decision she was about to make was a fork in her life; she could feel it.
If she went through with the ritual, her life was going to change drastically.
Either she would walk away with a curse and then rush to figure out a way to stop whatever was going on in Conlan’s mind before he captured her again, or she would walk away a Fae and say goodbye to her human life forever to enjoy a possible future with Aodhan, whom she loved, but wasn’t exactly sure was her life partner just yet.
Sierra truly had no idea which to pick, and she wished Aodhan was here, but she also knew that he would likely try to talk her out of putting her life on the line. But it was her life, and Fia was right; she had to make this decision on her own.
But why did it have to be so hard?