CHAPTER 44 ELODIE
ELODIE
I stand awkwardly by Caden’s black Mercedes AMG. He hovers on the other side, arching an eyebrow at me. “You gonna get in or just stare at your own reflection?”
My heart’s hammering in my chest. “Do you want me to sit in the back?”
He frowns, a bewildered look on his face. “So you can strangle me from behind when I’m not looking? Not likely. Front. Now.” He opens his door and climbs in.
I roll my eyes. That’s not what I meant, but whatever. I open the door and slide in.
He pulls out before I even get my seatbelt on.
The car’s smooth interior is all black. I wring my fingers in my lap, clammy and shaking.
This was a stupid idea. I should have asked Alfie in private.
Nothing else has happened between us since Hunt Night, but I can sense his desire.
He’s more handsy during gym sessions, more cuddly.
It’s been nice. I haven’t been able to get the feel of his tongue on me out of my head.
I don’t believe his apology. He wants me as much as I want him.
It’s clearly his loyalty to his stupid cousin that’s getting in the way.
But maybe this could work better. If I can be a good girl like Caden wants, I can get his defences down.
We drive in silence for a while, and I’m about to scream from how hard this tension is choking me. “Do you miss Max?” Jesus. That’s the first thing that comes to mind?!
If he’s taken aback by the forward question, he hides it well. “Obviously. He’s my brother.”
I nod, fighting the urge to palm my forehead.
Caden pulls onto the motorway and leans farther back into his chair, hand hanging limply over the top of the steering wheel as we quickly build speed. “You miss Lewis.”
“Obviously. He’s my brother.”
He snorts, but it doesn’t sound amused.
I’ve been wondering what Lewis would say to me to help me get through this hell.
Or what he’d plot to get me out of it. If he were around, he definitely wouldn’t have let Dad do this to me.
He may have been too scared of him to stop the abuse towards me, but I never blamed him for that.
Lewis was always there at the end of the day, nursing my wounds and wiping my tears, sneaking me biscuits.
Holding me until the sobs stopped. But I know in my heart Lewis would have stopped this.
But then again, if he didn’t die and leave me, I wouldn’t be here.
I’d still be in that cell, but I wouldn’t be here. It’s all because of him.
I look down into my lap. “Do you ever think about what life would be like if they were still here?”
He sighs, as if he’d rather talk about anything else, but he answers me. “All the time. For one, I wouldn’t be shackled to you.”
I roll my eyes. “Charming.”
“Well, it’s true. He was the heir. He was meant to marry and extend the line. It only fell to me because he died.”
Same for me. Lewis was older than me, he was heir to the Valor duties too.
Although he wouldn’t have produced kids – naturally, anyway.
He never officially came out, he never needed to with me.
I knew, and it was fine. But to come out to Dad, to tell him he wouldn’t have a grandchild the traditional way…
Lewis knew never to broach the subject. At least not until he’d found someone.
Now he never will. He’ll never have the love he deserved.
Caden and I have been lumped with a responsibility that was never meant to be ours.
“Do you ever get mad about it?” I say quietly. I don’t know why I’m bothering to connect with this guy. I think I’m just desperate to fill this car with a noise that’s different to the roaring in my ears and the faint radio music.
“What’d you mean?”
“About how things turned out. Why they were taken from us. Why it had to be them.”
Caden bites his lip, his snakebite glistening in the afternoon sun pouring into the car. “We’re nearly there, you don’t have to fill the silence with a sad attempt at getting to know me.”
Silly me. “God forbid I try to get to know the man I’m supposed to be marrying.” I do what he clearly wants and keep my mouth shut until we pull into the same retail park Fiz brought me to.
Fucking great.
We get out the car, and he comes round to my side. To my absolute shock, his warm fingers find mine at my side.
I yank my hand away like he’s just zapped me with a taser.
He waves me over. “Relax, it’s just a hand, Elodie, it’s not made of fucking spikes.”
“Why the hell do you want to hold my hand?”
He huffs and closes the distance, coaxing my hand away from my body so he can hold it again. “We know everyone in these stores. My dad knows them. He thinks everything’s peachy between us. Trust me, you do not want him to think anything otherwise.”
I let my hand fall away from me. He interlaces his fingers with mine and leads me towards a clothes store.
“How do you even know all the people here? That’s a hell of a lot of people to trust.”
Caden practically drags me along. “They wash our money for us. They rat us out, and they go down too.”
I understand to a degree. Dad has a car dealership that he used to wash his drug money through, but he kept his employee numbers to a minimum. I suppose the Blackwoods have more of a fear factor than Tony Valor to encourage people to keep their mouths shut.
He leads me inside the store while I’m still trying to filter this weird sensation of having physical contact with Caden Blackwood that’s not bringing me any pain.
My wrists have healed quite well the past week. Alfie tended to them daily and now they’re scabbed over, less sore. It was weird looking at them. I never saw Caden’s face, only Rosco and the others. It seems Caden’s actions didn’t traumatise me enough. Not that I’m complaining.
I’m broken from the confusion when I take in the store. It’s huge. Rack after rack and shelf after shelf of clothes. Jesus.
He comes to a stop just past the doors and turns to me. “What do you want to get?”
I’m stunned. I hadn’t even anticipated getting this far, let alone being asked what I wanted. My mouth flutters open and shut several times before I can get words to come out. “What can I get?”
He shrugs. “Whatever you want, I don’t care.”
Now, what did I think, he’d already have a wardrobe pre-planned for me, strictly onesies only, or something nun-like? None of the clothes I see come close to that.
There is an overwhelming amount of options here. I don’t even know what colours I like.
“What’s going on?” His voice is still hard, but there’s a glimmer of concern there, dare I say it.
I shake my head, my chest suddenly filling with panic. “I – I don’t know.”
He studies me, his green eyes are a laser burning into me, but I can’t seem to cower away, the panic overpowering any care I have about this guy losing his patience with me.
The hand he’s holding is soaking, sweat is covering me now, and I may just throw up right here, over this rack of flowery blouses.
He steps towards me carefully and brings a hand up to my chin, and tilts it. That’s when I realise tears have filled my eyes, his face a wet blur. “It’s okay, Elodie. You can get what you want. I’ll help, okay?”
This breaks a little hole in my throat that allows me to suck in some oxygen. I nod, unable to get any words out.
He tugs my hand and takes us over to the female section.
It’s like he’s a personal shopper all of a sudden.
He wastes no time hesitating or debating before he’s grabbing one item after the other, hanging them over our joined hands.
When the heap starts getting heavy between us, he stops off at the lingerie section and turns to me.
He doesn’t speak, only stares at my chest for an uncomfortable amount of time, then turns and picks up some bra and thong sets. Then he takes us over to the fitting room. Has he just guessed my bra size?
A slim girl with black hair greets us, a bright, flirty smile playing on her lips as she takes Caden in.
“Hey, Cade, how you doing?”
“Hi, Millie,” he says flatly, looking at me straight away. “We’ve got some stuff to try on.”
She doesn’t even try to hide her distaste in having to acknowledge me. “Sure. Pick any room.”
He walks us past her, and I can’t help but glower at her. I don’t know why, but I get a spark of satisfaction knowing this girl clearly likes him. And he’s with me.
He takes us through to the fancy dressing room; all velvet plush sofas and armchairs scattered across the fluffy carpet. It’s empty, all doors open.
“Don’t take forever.” Caden scoops the pile up and dumps it inside one of the cubicles and walks back out, perching on one of the sofas, spreading his legs and pulling out his phone.
I close the door and catch myself in the mirror. I’ve seen my reflection in Cade’s mirror, but have always avoided meeting my own eyes. Avoided seeing the tragedy staring back. I do the same now, before I can register the misery looking back at me.
I slip on a black lace bra and thong set, forgetting what it was like to have support around my tits. I don’t even want to begin to decipher how he guessed my size correctly.
I shuffle through the clothes, picking out some black skinny jeans and T-shirt. I throw them on and only allow myself a glimpse in the mirror once I’m dressed. It doesn’t feel good. Skin hugging and outlining my skeleton. I look like a child.
I open the door and step out. Caden looks up and scans me before curling his lips down. “Not bad. You like it?”
I shrug. “I don’t know.”
He looks like he’s fighting hard not to roll his eyes. “They look fine. Next one.” He goes back to his phone.
I go back into the fitting room and try on the next.
He’s picked me out different types of jeans, some leggings, long sleeve and short sleeve shirts.
I go in and out, unable to decide if I like them myself.
The decision seems too big for my brain to comprehend, so I let Caden do all the work.
He okays most of them, any he shakes his head at gets thrown to the side.