Chapter 2
AVA
Death.
One word. Five letters. And it was the only guaranteed thing in life. No one thought about it, especially not at my age. Youth made us feel we were invincible, but in reality, we were still fucking fragile.
No one liked talking about death at this age. It always seemed like it was something so far away when, in reality, death was the only thing we knew for sure would happen to us. It might meet us here in a week, in five years, or perhaps fifty, but sooner or later, it would come for us.
And even though death had come for someone else, it still took a part of me.
I felt like a fraud as I sat wearing black amidst my sorority sisters. Should I even be here?
There was a knot in my throat that had refused to leave me since the moment they announced her death.
It should have been me.
I closed my eyes as if that would stop my errant thoughts. The fear, anxiety, and despair I had felt before were nothing compared to the feelings that now accompanied me.
Death had taunted me, and yet I still lived.
Everyone knew my relationship with Livy wasn’t the best, but I would never wish harm on anyone.
The pastor said a few more words, and then Ivy took the stage.
Ever since I met Ivy, she had always been poised and collected.
She knew what she wanted and always dressed the part to get it.
Today, Ivy looked utterly wrecked. Her eyes were bloodshot, and no amount of eye drops would get rid of them.
It was hard to look at her because I couldn’t help but see how much she resembled Olivia. My eyes slid to the casket.
It was sleek, black, and polished.
Beautiful.
Just like she had been.
And all that was left of her was bones and skin in a casket no one was allowed to see.
My sisters said that Ivy and Olivia’s father was the one who identified her.
Even though Ivy and her mother wanted to do the same, he wouldn’t let them.
Her body had been cut and marred so severely that the morticians couldn’t put her back together.
Death brought so many people together while making every single one feel utterly alone.
That was precisely how I felt. I knew Micah and Grayson were somewhere around here, as was most of the school. I wondered if they felt as guilty as I did because, as I stood up with the rest of my sorority sisters, all I could think about was that text message sent to Gray.
We were each handed a pink rose since pink used to be Livy’s favorite color. We marched in a single line and put it on her casket.
I felt like a fraud as I walked behind my sisters.
Happy Halloween.
It was the reason I was staying away from Micah and Grayson.
Everyone knew how Livy felt about Grayson.
She never made it a secret that she thought they would end up together—school royalty, the both of them, and because of that I knew we couldn’t be seen together.
It made me feel cheap…like an imposter, even if Grayson never returned her affections.
The fact that she was gone and I was here left an imprint in the pit of my stomach I couldn’t shake away.
Micah was just collateral at this point.
In the last few weeks, he and Grayson had gotten close.
It would be selfish of me to want to comfort him and leave Grayson alone.
All too soon, I was next in line to offer my condolences. The rose in my hand started to slip out because of how clammy my hands felt.
Then there was just Livy’s closed casket and me. A tear slid down my face, and despite how horrible this situation was, there was a part of me that, through Livy, was standing in a place that had been meant for me.
My hand shook as I carefully put my rose on Olivia’s casket. Despite our differences, I would have never wished for her death.
Death came for Livy, but I had a strong feeling it had been looking for me.
Grayson was hurt. I could tell by how he took off, but I couldn’t bring myself to regret what had happened. Still, I felt a bit guilty since we had been growing closer.
Micah and Cruz were talking on the other side of the island. Cruz was teasing him, but even though Micah blushed, I could tell Grayson’s abrupt departure had bothered him.
Gray took on so much on his own, which was just another thing he felt he had to do. The text had been sent to him, but it was meant for all of us.
The door opened, and the three of us stared at it.
“Gray?” I called after him.
I began to have second thoughts as he just stared at us. Without another word, he turned around, and I felt a pang go through me as I saw his name scrawled across his jersey.
Was he mad? Upset? Did he find something out?
I went after him, his well-being more important than what my sisters would think of me, and the fact that I was violating the girl code.
“Gray,” I said.
Almost everyone was too drunk to notice that I was calling after him. He stopped as if he was waiting for me to catch up. His face turned, and I wished he would take off the mask so I could see the expression on his face.
A thrill went down my spine as a shot of adrenaline, fear, and lust spread through me.
With resolve, I kept pushing past the crowd after him.
Just as I got closer, a bunch of guys from the hockey team began to bump one another right in front of me.
They all towered over me, which made it difficult to see.
When I finally cleared them without them toppling over me, I saw that Livy had been doing the same as me—except where I failed, she succeeded.
When I saw Grayson drag Livy outside, I stood there in disbelief.
My feet refused to move. I stood there a few seconds later, waiting for him to emerge once he figured out it wasn’t me he had in his arms, but as the seconds ticked by, he didn’t come back.
Well, fuck him.
Here I was, trying to make him feel better, and he didn’t care if he had Livy or me. Then again, what kind of hypocrite was I? I couldn’t even make up my mind between guys.
Screw this party. Screw the notes. Screw everything. I was ready to call it quits when the lights went off, and people began to scream.
Everything after that was a mess. I wanted to forget about the lake, but never like this. Death was roaming around, and I had a feeling it would be back for me.