Chapter 19
AVA
Ihad decided to live my life one day at a time, and so far, it had been working for me.
There was a sense of freedom and liberation once I stopped living by society’s norms and started to live for my own.
Everything wrong in my life was still fucked up, but I had decided that I was going to do what I wanted, go for the things that brought me happiness, because whoever was out there was not going to stop.
My life was running on borrowed time. I dreaded to think about it, but now and then my brain liked to remind me it was a matter of time before the killer rectified their mistake. Livy was a tragic casualty, and soon they would make amends.
So, no, I would not be apologizing for how I was choosing to spend the time I still had on this earth. If finding scraps of happiness was all I had left, I would try to get my fill.
I had woken up in Micah’s arms in the early hours of the morning.
There were a few seconds where we just stared at each other, and then we both couldn’t help but smile.
If I were being honest, it had been a long time coming, and I was glad I now shared that intimacy with him.
I briefly wondered what would have become of us if we had made this step sooner.
What would have become of us if something had developed between us before that fateful party that changed all of our lives?
As quickly as the thought had entered my mind, I dismissed it.
“You okay?” he had whispered.
“Perfect,” I answered him with a peck on the lips.
We had decided it was best for me to leave before his dad got up for the day.
Micah’s relationship with his dad was complicated enough, and we didn’t need to add me to the mix.
Since I had already been up and there was no way I would be going back to sleep, I quickly went home, showered, and then made my way to the rink.
Thankfully, my dad was still asleep, so he didn’t get to interrogate me before I left the house.
If I didn’t come home, he just assumed I would be at the sorority.
I could see it in his eyes that he wanted to talk to me about what happened with Livy, but he didn’t know how to broach the subject.
I was glad because I had yet to figure out how to lie to my dad’s face about everything going on.
Maybe it was fucked up and a little impulsive, but I felt like there was a ticking time bomb on me, and I was ready to soak up every second I had left with the people that mattered the most. Dinners with my father were a priority, even if I had to drag him out from under a car.
The thought of that made me sick to my stomach, so I decided not to ponder on it too much.
Instead, I made another reckless decision, and once I was in the skating facility, I made a beeline for the hockey team.
Livy was gone. No amount of guilt was going to bring her back.
Grayson did not belong to her…he never did, and if I regretted one thing, it was not letting her know that she couldn’t claim a person.
That our friendship shouldn’t have ended because of one man.
That I wasn’t responsible for how others felt about her.
The butterflies I felt when I saw Grayson were different from those I felt when I was with Micah or Cruz. There was a nervous edge to them. As if the winged creatures had been tamed for so long that now that they were free, they fluttered up a storm only because they could.
It should have made me feel a little bit guilty that a few hours ago I was with someone else…
with his own friend, but somehow, I knew Grayson wouldn’t have cared.
So I let myself kiss him. It was freeing to do it on the same ice we both cherished, in a building that held so many of our triumphs and failures.
Like I said, it was freeing to be able to kiss him out here in the open.
Grayson wasted no time in deepening the kiss.
His hands wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer to his body.
The hoots and hollers of his teammates who had remained on the ice had us breaking apart instantly. I used Grayson’s body as a shield so the morons on his team wouldn’t see me.
“I like these kinds of favors,” Grayson murmured as he fixed a strand of hair behind my ear.
Grayson’s tone was light, but the smile he gave me didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Are you done with practice?”
He nodded.
“Want to stay back and help me with mine?”
The smirk he gave me helped relieve some of the tension on his face, and that made me feel better that I could do something to help him.
“I can do that.” His answer was a growl.
Now that I could be honest with myself, I could admit that it was sexy the way he could command a whole squad. I bit my lower lip as he basically told his teammates, “Good practice,” and to fuck off.
“So what do you need help with?” he asked a few minutes later as he came on the ice with me.
I extended my arms toward him and wiggled my fingers. “How about we skate for fun?”
“Again?” he teased.
“Last time we were making sure Cruz got the hang of it, there wasn’t much time to actually skate skate.”
At the mention of Cruz’s name, Grayson’s mood shifted.
Okay, something had definitely changed between them, and it seemed that instead of taking a step forward, they went three steps back.
That sucked because last time we were all in here together, I could have sworn they were making a lot of progress.
Not friendship, per se, but something was definitely brewing.
I would ask him about it later, after skating. I would also tell him what happened between Micah and me, but for now, it felt right to have this moment just for us.
“Hold my hand?” I asked Grayson as I began to skate backward.
“Is this still part of your favor?”
I rolled my eyes.
“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” I bit back as I skated faster away from him.
This seemed to ignite something in him. His eyes widened and his pupils dilated.
The way he pushed off from the wall was sexy and graceful.
In seconds, he was right in front of me again, taking my hand and leading me around the rink for a lap.
“This is nice,” I let him know.
“If it’s so nice, why didn’t we ever do this before?”
It was a rhetorical question, and we both knew it, but I could detect the hurt in his voice. I cursed myself for letting a single girl dictate my life. If I had stood up to Livy back then, would she still be alive today?
So many questions with no answers.
“I was stupid…I was scared…insecure.”
It was the raw, honest truth. Grayson squeezed my hand but didn’t say more. I did half a turn so I could face him once again. Grayson’s hands rested on my hips, and it felt balanced. I knew I could let go…knew I could close my eyes and not have to worry about anything else because Grayson had me.
“I can’t change the past, but if you let me, I can make up for it.”
Grayson’s eyes landed on my lips, and I took that as an invitation for more. I should have been scared when Grayson’s arms slid from my waist, down my ass, and to my leggings. It was effortless the way he lifted me up, carrying me while he skated around the ring with me.
A soft moan left my lips.
“Fuck,” he whispered.
I closed my eyes and kissed him again, knowing he wouldn’t let me fall. I was about to deepen the kiss when I noticed Grayson wasn’t kissing me back.
Grayson’s curse had me opening my eyes.
“Son of a bitch.”
The whole rink was pitch black.