30. Lainey
Lainey
“Oh, God.”
I was going to die. Being in the tub was tough, but having Lachlan’s arms around me, his hands digging into my back and pressing on my hips with each contraction helped distract me.
Now, I was literally on my knees in Beau’s truck, my hands gripping the headrest of the front seat while Lach sat in the back, his leg bouncing up and down each time I inhaled sharply.
“Did you drop the comb?” he asked. I slammed my eyes shut and clenched my teeth so hard, I thought I might actually crack a molar or two. The truck rocked sharply, which felt impossible at the snail’s pace Beau was currently driving us.
“You. Have. To. Go. Faster! Please!” I begged.
“We’re almost there. I promise. Your sister will kill me if something happens to you or the baby. And I’d let her.”
Tears pricked at my eyes. I couldn’t take how sweet both Beau and Lachlan were being to me.
“There’s a lot of pressure. It feels different,” I grunted through the latest contraction.
“Their house is right here, Lainey. We’re pulling in now and you’re doing so good. Just keep breathing.”
I felt the truck stop moving, recognizing the sounds of both guys getting out of the vehicle. I rolled, sitting down in the seat before my door opened and I was back in Beau’s arm. I reached out for Lach, who slipped his hand right into mine without a single word.
“What’s going on?” The wooden screen door clanged against the frame as Birdie came rushing out, but I couldn’t focus on anything other than the contraction that was building.
There wasn’t a way in the world my grip wasn’t crushing all the bones in Lachlan’s hand as Beau carried me up the stairs, and I screamed.
I didn’t care who was there, who could hear me. I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Oh, okay. Okay. Here, Beau, bring her upstairs and we’ll see how things are going.”
“Things…Fucking….Suck.”
Somehow in the commotion of getting upstairs, I lost my hold on Lach. As soon as I felt Beau set me down on a bed, I opened my eyes just in time to see Birdie squeezing Beau’s arm. “Thank you for going to check on them.”
“Womanly intuition. I’ll never understand it, but damn, is it powerful.”
“How am I still in labor? Why won’t he come?”
Apparently, we didn’t need to rush right over here. Because even as the contractions kicked my ass one after the other with so much pressure in my pelvis I could swear this creature was about to fall out at any second, the little alien didn’t seem ready to come out into the world.
“First babies can be really stubborn.” My sister tore the blood pressure cuff off my arm.
“But you’re doing great. Hayes and Colt are going to get the roads cleared to the ranch and there’s going to be a big, beautiful ambulance to take you and the baby to the hospital soon.
Not that you need to go, because everything here is handled and I’m not worried about anything.
But I know your plan was always to give birth and recover there, so that’s the goal. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“They called an hour ago. Why isn’t it here yet? I can’t do this, Birdie. I don’t…I don’t want to do this.”
“This is why it’s called labor, Lain. It’s hard work. But you can do it. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. So don’t talk like that.”
“No.” I shook my head. “You’ve always wanted to be a mom. You were made for it. Me? I hate kids. Look at how awkward I was with everyone at the springs…ohhh…” My breath whooshed out of my lungs, but for the first time since my water broke, I couldn’t get any air back in.
“I need him. I need him…to come…here…” God, that admission cracked something in my soul wide open. The tears finally let loose, and my face was a mess before I could pull in my next breath.
“The baby? He’s coming. You’re doing such a great job.”
“No!” I gasp. I needed Lachlan. I needed to feel his arms around me again. I needed to hear his grumbly voice tell me to stop being so dramatic, and that I had a job to do bringing my son into the world. “Lachlan. I need Lachlan. I need him. Please, Birdie. I need him now. Please.”
Another contraction gripped me, forcing my eyes closed.
My fingers clawed at the blankets under me, my grip the only thing keeping me tethered to the Earth.
I couldn’t say how long it’d been going on before a warm, calloused hand wrapped around my arm, squeezing with a magnitude of gentle reassurance words could never hold.
“Shhh. I’m here, sweetheart. I’m right here. We’ve got this.” I felt Lach’s body slip behind mine on the bed. His legs cocooned me, and I sank back against his chest.
“Don’t leave me again,” I growled.
“Me?” He dared to laugh in my ear. My fingers landed on his thigh, digging in. “Hey.” Lach chuckled. “I didn’t want to go in the first place! I just didn’t want to intrude on any sacred womanly work.”
“Don’t argue with me! I already feel like I’m being ripped apart. Just…don’t…fuck, I can feel…him….”
“Okay,” Lachlan cooed. “Okay, breathe, Lainey. Just breathe. Birdie? What do we do?”
My sister’s laughter filtered from the bottom of the bed as I felt her hand touch my ankle.
“Well, Lach, we deliver this baby. Looks like all team members are finally in position, including my sweet nephew. Lain, are you feeling the urge to push?”
Christ, yes! Yes, I was. It was like every muscle in my body was screaming that I needed to get the baby out right this second.
I couldn’t do anything except nod as my muscles all contracted down.
Lachlan’s hand laid over my belly, and I could feel the strength and support pouring from his body into my own.
“You’re amazing. You’re doing amazing,” he coached as I bared down.
“Lach’s right. You’re doing absolutely brilliant. I knew you were going to be a powerhouse when it came time to get down to business. Listen to your body, and push when you feel the urge.”
We went back and forth, pushing, resting, feeling like I was being pulled in half like a piece of taffy that was about to break apart.
And just when it seemed like I was never going to make it, a tidal wave of relief hit me as I felt him leave my body.
A bright, piercing cry filled the room, and all I could do was close my eyes and rest my head back against Lachlan.
My sister placed the little invader on my chest, his weight settling against me while his face scrunched up in absolute protestation over his eviction from my womb.
“Well, hey there, little one. You’ve got a good set of lungs on you.” Lachlan’s hand rested on the towel that Birdie had draped over the baby’s back.
“Sounds just like Lainey did when she was a newborn.” Birdie’s eyes glistened as she and Lachlan gently rubbed the baby’s body. Not the baby. My baby. He was really mine. And he was here. And he wasn’t an alien after all.
I closed my eyes again, my head falling back as every inch of my body shook with exhaustion. Never in a million years would I have expected Lachlan to press a kiss to my sweaty temple, but that’s exactly what he did.
“Good job, sweetheart. You did such a good job.” Lachlan’s hand swept back my hair.
“Lainey, do you want to cut the cord?”
“No. I can’t,” I whispered. “I’m so tired. You do it, Birdie. I mean, will you?”
“Of course I will.”
My eyes drifted shut again, this time suspending me somewhere between full consciousness and sleep. I heard conversations happening around me, but couldn’t have told a soul alive what was actually being said.
I felt someone’s warm hand press against my forehead, sweeping back over my head. Again and again, the touch and pressure allowed me to sink deeper into the abyss.
“Lainey…”
“Hm?” I wasn’t ready to come up for air yet. I wasn’t ready to be responsible for myself, let alone a tiny, helpless human. I jerked awake, my arms jolting up to land against my belly. “The baby…”
“He’s right here.” Birdie rushed to my side. “You were resting, and I just grabbed him to give a quick once over. He’s doing beautifully, and I think he’d even be ready to nurse if you’re up for it?”
Lachlan cleared his throat, still stuck wedged behind me on the bed.
“Oh God, I’m sorry,” I said, turning to look up at him. “I trapped you in here.”
“Wasn’t trapped.” He smiled, his face glistening. Had he cried? I reached up to brush away the moisture, but he took my hand before I could make it to his face and pressed a kiss against my wrist. “There’s no other place I wanted to be. Thank you for letting me be here.”
The faint sound of sirens filled the warm air between us.
“About time they got their asses out here,” he muttered as Birdie positioned the baby back in my arms.
He was so tiny. So fragile. And when I looked at him I felt…
exhausted. My body was still in pain, although the relief of pushing him out was still coursing through my veins.
There wasn’t anything magical about this experience.
There was nothing that clicked into place the moment I saw him.
Clouds didn’t part. Angels didn’t sing. I didn’t feel anything other than grateful that the worst pain I’d felt in my entire life had finally stopped.
Looking at him now, this tiny creature felt…like a stranger. A stranger who now was counting solely on me. Heat flooded my face. And then my eyes filled with the tears I’d been trying so hard to hold back.
They poured down my face, their heat burning shame for my awful feelings onto my skin.
How could a mother think that about their baby?
That we were strangers? We’d just spent nine months together…
nine months where I didn’t try to connect with him for a single second.
And now I needed to know everything about him.
“Lainey?”
I heard the panic in Lachlan’s voice, but it didn’t matter. I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
“It’s completely normal,” Birdie reassured me. Or maybe she was reassuring Lachlan. I couldn’t tell you, because I couldn’t see past the tears. “Why don’t you move out from behind Lainey and then you can take the baby for a minute while she decompresses.”
I felt the loss of his physical support immediately, and my body responded by sobbing even harder.
Their conversation continued around me.
“Is she going to be okay?”
“Yeah. She will be. Here, why don’t you two say hello to each other?”
“He’s so little. What if I hurt him?”
“No littler than Connor when you met him for the first time.”
“He was over a week old…”
“That’s barely any different.”
“It feels a whole hell of a lot different…”
The room quieted down as I continued to cry. My sniffles and sobs became the only sound in there as I felt my sister move about the space. Her hand rested on my shoulder just as I began to feel reality slipping back into my grasp.
“Lainey, the paramedics are here. We’re gonna go into the bathroom and get you cleaned up a little bit, and then they’re going to get you ready for transfer to the hospital, okay?”
I nodded, unable to take my tear-filled eyes off of Lachlan. He was such a natural, and the way his arms cradled my son with complete gentleness was a beautiful sight.
My legs felt like wet noodles as Birdie helped me get up and into the bathroom. I cringed when I saw blood all over her beautiful sheets.
“I’m so sorry about the bed. I-I’ll pay for a new mattress when I get things figured out.”
Birdie just smiled as she helped me sit on the toilet. “Don’t worry about it for a second. Juniper went through a horrible reflux stage a few months ago, and we quickly learned how valuable a mattress protector is. Everything’s fine.”
It felt like it took ages for Birdie to help me get everything situated, but after shoving what felt like ten pads into the maternity underwear I had packed in my hospital bag, we were finally on our way back out to the bedroom.
Birdie helped me get situated as best I could on the chair that the paramedics and firefighters were going to use to take me downstairs.
I was strapped in, bleeding, broken into a thousand pieces of fragile glass, and I knew the second we were downstairs, the baby would be placed back in my arms to make the journey to the hospital with me.
“I could come with you,” Lachlan offered, running his hand over my son’s head before the medics started moving me out of the room.
“No. It’s okay. We’ll be fine.”
“I’m going with her,” Birdie said, somewhere behind me. It was hard to have a conversation while we jostled about.
“Birdie, no. Honestly. I’ll go and let you know what they say about everything. I’ll probably be discharged tomorrow. Someone can just come get me then…”
“If that’s what you really want?” she asked.
“I don’t want to take you away from Juniper, and I know you don’t like being at the hospital. I’m fine. We’ll be fine. I’ll call and let you know.”
Shit, I didn’t even know if Lach thought to grab my phone.
Hayes’s smile met us at the top of the stairs, just as the first signs of the rising sun started lighting up the sky.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“Heard the call come over the radio. Had to be the first uncle to say hi.” He chuckled as his eyes drifted to the bundle in Lachlan’s arms. “Well, I see someone else got the honor of being born on the ranch. Takes right after his Uncle Hay Hay. Though Ma will tell you accidentally giving birth in the field out behind the house was the worst birth she ever had. Can’t imagine how…
Lachlan had a huge head. Looked like a freaking alien.
It was so big.” I smiled, knowing Hayes was trying to make me feel better about the whole situation. “He’s gorgeous, Lainey. You alright?”
I sucked in my breath as the team of good looking men—kill me now—started moving me down the stairs. “I feel like I got hit by a truck. And then an alien burst out of me.”
“Yeah, that seems about right.”
We made it down the stairs, and I had plenty of help getting from the chair to the gurney.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?” I saw the war in Lachlan’s eyes as he handed the baby to me.
“I know how difficult that would be for you, and I promise, I’m okay. I’ll let you know what the hospital says about leaving, okay? And if you don’t want me to come home to your place—”
Lach slipped my phone—thank God—into the hospital bag and handed it to the medic before placing his hand on the baby’s back, leaning in to press his lips against my temple, just like he had while I was in labor. “You both are coming home to me. Promise me, Lain.”
I bit my lip as my chin started to shake. “I promise.”
“Good.” His hand rested on my head for a second before he bent over and kissed my forehead again. “Text me everything they say, okay?”
“Okay.” I was going to cry again.
“She’s in good hands now, Dad. You make your way in when you can.”
Lachlan didn’t correct the medic. Instead, his smile was cemented in place, and it was the last thing I saw as they carried me out of the house.