CHAPTER 19
“What are you doing tonight?” Arlowe asked her the following Saturday afternoon while the two of them were glued to their laptops in the garage.
“Tonight? No plans,” Gabi replied. “Why?”
“I don’t know. I thought you might do something with your friend, Chase.”
“No, he and his husband are out of town this weekend, visiting the in-laws. Besides, we’re friends, but we’re not the kind of friends who hang out all the time like you and your friends.”
“You know you’re our friend, too, right?” Arlowe said.
“Yes.” She smiled. “I just meant that Chase and I aren’t like that.
We knew each other in college and kept in touch for the most part, but we mostly talked on social and in texts until recently.
It’s been nice, having him around, but you know how it is now that Violet has Stella.
Chase is already married, and they’re planning on having a baby.
His husband is great, but I’m still the third wheel whenever I go over there, and we’re kind of in different places in our lives.
He’s talking about how Mark will react when they need to turn his office into a nursery.
I’m talking about parking my car on the street and risking getting it hit because the driveway is packed at the house that I share with three women. ”
“I get that,” Arlowe said. “Over the years, we all dated here and there, but it had never felt like any of us had found our people until Violet started sleeping with Stella, and we all knew what was going to happen next. Personally, I thought it was going to end horribly at first because those kinds of situations never work, but she surprised us. Their whole fuck buddy thing didn’t last long at all before it became more, and then, the countdown started, and now, we’re here.
Violet lives in another house with her girlfriend, and I’m sure there’s going to be an engagement and then a wedding.
Maybe kids. I don’t know what they’ll decide.
It’s hard.” Arlowe shrugged. “I miss what we had before when it was just the four of us.”
Gabi lifted an eyebrow.
“No offense,” Arlowe added.
“None taken.”
“I feel like I need to catch up a little,” Arlowe shared.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, there’s a gay bar in the city. I was thinking about going tonight.”
“What does that have to do with catching up?”
“I sometimes meet women at the bar we go to here, but I’m at that point where I’ve already made out with most of the regulars who are interested in women, and I was thinking that I might have better luck at an actual gay bar.”
“So, catching up, in your mind, is making out with different women?” Gabi asked and closed her laptop, thinking they were probably done working for a minute.
“No, it’s more than that. I wouldn’t turn down a good make-out session if someone offers, but soon, Enya and Sarai will both be dating someone, like Vi, and it’ll just be me here.
They’ll all talk about how I’m still in love with someone I dated for five months a decade ago, and I’ll still be here by myself, looking for random women to make out with or take home until I’m eighty or something. ”
“Are you still in love with her?”
“I don’t know anymore,” Arlowe said and sighed. “I feel like things are unfinished, but there’s nothing I can do about it now.”
“So, that’s why you go out and kiss as many women as possible?”
“First of all, kissing women is amazing, so no, that’s not the reason.”
“Is it part of the reason?” Gabi asked.
“Yes.” Arlowe nodded. “So, want to come with me tonight and be my wingwoman?”
“What about Enya and Sarai?”
“Enya is going to some seminar. She’s a nerd. I don’t know what Sarai is doing, but given how she’s been craving alone time and not really hanging out much with us this week, I’m guessing she doesn’t want to come out of her room.”
“Are you inviting Violet?”
“No, because I actually want to have fun,” Arlowe joked.
“So, just you and me?” she asked.
“Yeah. Is that a problem?”
Gabi decided that now was probably the best time to bring this up. They were working alone in the garage, and she needed to know if she’d been reading into Arlowe’s behavior around her or not. It had been a few weeks now, and she could swear that Arlowe was still flirting with her.
“Hey, can I ask you something? Might be awkward, but I need to know.”
“Sure,” Arlowe said.
“Are you flirting with me? Oh, have you been, I mean, since I saw you all at the bar, and you asked me if I wanted to rent the room?”
“Oh, yeah. For sure,” Arlowe admitted with ease.
“Really?” Gabi asked, surprised that Arlowe would just toss it out there.
“Yeah. But I do that with everyone. Well, most lesbians.”
“Not the other two lesbians who also live here. And I’ve never seen you flirt with Violet. I don’t know if you did before she started dating Stella, though.”
“I didn’t. I’ve never even remotely been attracted to any of them. It’s weird. It’s like we all met that day and just figured it out: we’re supposed to be friends.”
“Sarai said the same thing,” Gabi said, smiling.
“She would. We all felt the same way back then: instant connections, but not in a romantic way.”
“But you feel something for me?”
“No.”
“I’m confused,” she said.
“I flirt with a lot of women. Helps improve the odds. I can’t turn it off sometimes.
I will admit that when I suggested you move in here, I just blurted it out, more to have the possibility of seeing you again because I do think you’re attractive, but if I do it now, it’s more accidental.
Eventually, it’ll fade because I’ll be more used to you being my friend. ”
“So, you’re not into me now?”
“No,” Arlowe replied.
“But you were then?”
“Not really. You’re hot, but I didn’t know you, Gabi.”
Gabi laughed and asked, “So, now that you do, you can’t stand me?”
“It’s simple: I have reasons. One, you’re my roommate now.
I don’t want to date a roommate. Too many complications.
Two, you’re working at the company on this massive project with me.
I don’t want to screw that up. Three, we’re friends, and I’d like to keep you as a friend.
Four, and probably the biggest reason of them all, you like Sarai. ”
“What? I don–”
“You can stop trying to deny it. It’s obvious. I think you liked her about a decade ago, too.”
“Oh, God. It’s that obvious? Does she know?”
“No, she’s Sarai.”
“What does that mean?”
“That she’s generally oblivious to women liking her. It takes her time to figure it out, or the woman says something to her directly.”
“Well, that makes me feel a little better, at least. I thought about asking her out, but you just listed two reasons why you didn’t ask me, and those reasons apply to her and me, too.”
“I won’t say anything to her if you’re worried about that.”
“Does Enya know? Or Violet?”
“I have no idea. It’s possible, but they wouldn’t say anything, either.”
“I did like her back then.” She smiled at the memories. “That whole weekend, I wished things were different. I had a plan for my gap year, and Sarai was returning to the US soon. She was also older and seemed to think I was too young for her.”
“She did, yeah, but it wasn’t about the age, really. It was just the different times in your life. You weren’t even in college yet, and she was finishing up and about to start work.”
“Did she say that to you?”
“She mentioned that when you wanted to come back to Amsterdam. I think we all assumed you had a crush on her, and that was why. She said, ‘Even if that were true,’ and then what I just said.”
“Did she say that she had a crush on me, too?”
“Oh, no. I am not doing that.” Arlowe leaned back in her chair.
“I was honestly only half paying attention to things back then because of Eline and me, but even if I remembered word for word, I wouldn’t tell you.
I’m a vault for you, but I’m a vault for all my friends, which means I’ll never tell anyone their dirty secrets. ”
“So, Sarai has dirty secrets?”
“If you find out, it won’t be from me.”
“Well, now, I’m really curious.”
“You could just ask her, you know? Maybe she’ll tell you on your first date.”
“I can’t ask her out,” she argued.
“Why not?”
“I told you.” Gabi looked up at the open door leading to the kitchen just in case Sarai was nearby. “The same reasons you didn’t ask me.”
“Well, I also don’t know that I want a relationship, but I know that Sarai does.”
“We live and work together now.”
“Look, it’s up to you, but if you asked her out and she said no, it would be awkward for a while, yeah, but then, you’d work past it, and at least it would be out there. If you don’t, you’re going to be sitting here, looking up at the kitchen because you’re afraid she’s going to be there.”
“You caught that, huh?”
“Yes. You were, yet again, very obvious. I mean, what are you going to do? Just not tell her? Not see if she’s into it? Keep pining away? Not date anyone else?”
“Is Sarai thinking about dating someone?” Gabi asked.
“What? Where did that come from?”
“She’s been in her room for most of the week, and when I asked if she wanted to have dinner with all of us last night, she told me she was going out for something to eat instead. I thought maybe she had a date and just didn’t want you all to know because you’d make fun of her.”
“Sarai goes through these phases where she needs to be alone. That’s pretty normal for her. And I have no idea if she’s seeing someone or even thinking of dating anyone, but you could try asking her.”
“She’d have to come out of her room for me to do that.”
“You know you can just knock, right?” Arlowe asked.
Gabi sighed and replied, “Arlowe, it’s not that simple.
I really liked Sarai. I saw her, and I felt something that I had never felt before.
When I got home, I told my mom about it, and she said it sounded like love at first sight.
My dad disagreed and said it was probably a crush, which I get him saying because he still thought of me as his little girl, so he didn’t think I could possibly meet someone and just know. ”
“You were in love with her?”
“It was only a weekend; a little more than sixty hours. I hadn’t ever felt that before, so I don’t know, but we stayed up after the bars or the clubs, talking about everything that really mattered, and it felt like the things that should line up, lined up.
She was also just so pretty and funny. She took me for French fries, and we walked around the city until we found those really big clogs that you can stand in, looking ridiculous.
She took pictures of me, and we laughed.
I’d had a girlfriend before, but I hadn’t felt how I felt about Sarai. ”
Arlowe nodded and asked, “And how do you feel now?”
“Like it’s still there, but things are even more complicated now. We’re older, but there’s more baggage with age, and on top of that, I’m living here right next to her.”
“That could make things really convenient.”
“Or, really complicated,” she suggested. “Like you said before.”
“Maybe, but that was because I wasn’t thinking about you and me dating or being in a relationship, so you would’ve seen me bring other women home after we did whatever we would’ve done, and that could’ve been messy. Sarai’s not like me.”
“I thought she brought someone home after the party.”
“She did: an accidentally drunk Enya. Drunk Enya is hilarious, by the way,” Arlowe said.
“No, I mean, I thought she brought home the woman who was flirting with her at the party. I thought she slept with her.”
“And you were pissed?”
“I was sad, Arlowe. I don’t have any right to be, but I was.
Sarai and me, we take a step forward, and not to sound like a certain song, but then, it’s two steps back.
Last weekend, she told me that she took Enya home, so we were good.
Then, I don’t know what happened, but that Sunday, we were working, and I must have done something wrong because she hasn’t talked to me much since. ”
“She hasn’t talked to any of us much since.”
“So, you’re saying that how she’s been has nothing to do with me?”
“I’m saying that she’s done this before; that’s all. Look, I want to go out tonight and have a few drinks. I need to get out of this house. I have been working non-stop. You should come with me. I think you could use getting your mind off Sarai and just relaxing.”
“I don’t want to get my mind off her. I want to find a solution.”
“It’s not a problem to be solved.” Arlowe patted her on the shoulder and stood.
“They’re feelings. Trust me, if they were a problem to be solved, I would’ve solved mine already.
Now, come on; you’re going out with me tonight.
Your only responsibility is to have a drink and maybe order an Uber if my phone dies because I forgot to charge it before we go. ”
Gabi laughed, but she could agree that she could use a night out.
She wanted it to be with Sarai, but it might be better for her to hang out with Arlowe instead.
Sarai could have more time to herself, and she could relax a little after working nine hours a day at her actual job and then three or four a night on the hardware for her new side job.
She couldn’t help herself, though: she stopped in front of Sarai’s door after Arlowe had disappeared behind her own.
Gabi went to knock, but her hand stopped mid-air.
It wasn’t about what she wanted. She needed to respect what Sarai, apparently, needed, so she dropped her hand and went into her own room, where she got dressed.
Arlowe had taken a little longer to get ready, but when she finally made it to the living room, she ordered them a car, and Gabi joined her on the front porch to wait for it when it was only a minute away.
“How drunk do you want to get tonight?” Arlowe asked her.
“What?” Gabi laughed.
“Well, are you in the mood to get wasted and forget your troubles, or get mildly tipsy?”
“I’m in the mood to get out of the house and, apparently, order you an Uber because your phone will be dead by the time you’re ready to come home.”
“I charged it while I was getting dressed, so I should be fine. I’m going for moderately drunk, so if you see me going too far, shove me into a car.”
“Wait. Now, I’m your babysitter? I didn’t sign up for that.”
The car arrived and pulled up in front of the house.
“I can shove you in a car, too. Happy to help,” Arlowe said and walked toward the waiting car.