Chapter 39 #2
Mom was so happy for me when I told her about Gio, about what he means to me now. She said she could “hear the sunshine” in my voice, that she couldn’t wait to meet him.
“It kind of already has,” I admit. “I left his shop earlier after a particularly awful call with Dad. I just got so embarrassed. Gio has this amazing father, and… I just felt so awkward.”
“Oh, Tessie. I wish I could hug you right now.” She sighs. “Do you want my advice?”
Mom’s always been great at asking before telling. She’s never one to jump in with her perspective first.
“I’d love to hear your opinion, yes.”
“Chris is your dad. So your relationship with him will always be your decision, and I’ll support you no matter what you decide.
” She releases a heavy sigh. “But… I hate to hear that you’re hurting.
You shouldn’t surround yourself with anyone or anything that makes you feel miserable.
Life is hard enough. Engage with people who make it easier. ”
I take in her words. Staying in touch with Dad has never made anything easier.
He always leaves me feeling like I’m not enough.
I’m not interesting enough, talented enough, or connected enough to keep him around.
But I’m starting to realize that I’m not going to win a prize for maintaining a relationship with him.
And I’ve been clinging to what-ifs rather than facing reality.
“On the other hand, it does sound like your Gio is someone who makes your life easier—even if his mom did almost kill you in Italy.”
I roll my eyes. “Where was this concern when I texted you a picture of me in a hospital bed, and you didn’t even message me back for like, an hour?”
She huffs. “I thought it was one of those Photoshop pranks you tell me not to fall for! It looked like you were in front of a flower-filled green screen backdrop. I even saw a hot Italian doctor in the background—he definitely looked AI. I already said I was sorry, Tessie. What else do you want from me?”
My eyes narrow. “AN HOUR, Mother.”
“Which is a fraction of time compared to the twelve I spent birthing you,” she says sweetly, taking a sip of tea.
I snort. “Fine. You win.”
Her face gets a little bigger on my screen as she leans closer to the camera. “Tessa. You came into this world complete. There’s not one thing inside of you that’s missing. You are enough just as you are. And you always were.”
I go still for a moment and close my eyes. I focus on memorizing her words, knowing that I’ll whisper them to myself on a hard day. When I open my eyes, her lips have curved into a knowing smile. I give a small nod.
“Love you, Mom.”
“Wuvv you doo.” She forks another chunk of cinnamon roll into her mouth. “But Tessie?”
“Yeah?”
She swallows, setting down her fork. “You should tell your brother.”
My pulse quickens. “I know. I’m, um, actually meeting him at the diner later tonight. I’ll tell him then.”
Mom nods. “I’m here if you need me.”
* * *
As soon as I walk into our favorite little diner, I see Daniel at the back corner booth.
When I get closer to him, weaving my way through the freestanding tables that crowd the floor, I spot his charity’s logo on the breast pocket of his dress shirt.
He must’ve had a business meeting at his foundation’s New York location today.
After years of catching up here post-game, it’s strange to see him in anything but athleisure.
Before I can even sit down, Daniel opens his mouth to speak, and guilt is written all over his face.
“So, the last time I was here, Ben spent two hours talking to me about plants. Hadn’t seen the guy since high school, but he was the exact same. Gracie and him still act like siblings. Anyway, he got this Oreo milkshake, and it looked so fucking good.”
He blushes. This explains the guilt.
“I know I said I’d wait for you, but I already ordered it.
And it came, and I drank the whole thing.
Sorry. I’m still buying you one, though.
Gracie says it’s mandatory for both parties in any type of relationship to eat ice cream together, so I’ll order another shake for me.
Except I don’t think I can drink it. But it’ll sit right here in front of me, so you won’t feel awkward. Is that okay, because—”
“I talk to Dad sometimes.”
Daniel goes completely still and stares into my eyes.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen my brother look at anyone with this much intensity who isn’t his wife.
He’s constantly full of energy, buzzing around.
But Daniel’s jaw is tight, and his lips are pressed into a thin line.
His shoulders are so tense, it looks like he’s bracing for impact.
We sit in silence, and I feel a sense of shame come over me.
Maybe I shouldn’t have told him. I know how he feels about Dad.
And I know that he believes we both went no-contact.
Daniel’s been the most loving big brother, and I’ve been so ungrateful, searching for love and attention in all the wrong places.
We speak at the same time.
“Sorry, Dan—”
“I’m sorry.”
A confused pause, then we both start talking again.
“Wait, why are you—”
“Why are you sorry?”
While his eyes stay focused on me, his hands stay busy picking at his nails.
“I thought I kept that door closed for both of us, Tessie.”
My words come out low and soft. “I realize now that it was the wrong choice, to stay connected with him. It just took me a long time to get there.”
“How long?” he whispers.
I bite the inside of my cheek. “Hm?”
“When did you start talking to him again?”
I swallow, averting my eyes. “I, um, never stopped.”
“Fuck.” His voice is so hoarse, so unlike him, that I tilt my chin up to meet his gaze.
My heart stumbles as I watch his eyes mist over.
“Daniel, I’m so sorry. I promise I never told him anything specific about you or gave him any of your new contact details, no matter how much he asked.
” It’s still hard to keep the bitter, hurt note out of my voice when I admit Dad’s calls always revolved around Daniel.
“I know you probably feel betrayed by me speaking with him behind your back, and I’m asking for your forgiveness. ”
He shakes his head. “Me, betrayed by you? What the fuck, Tessie? I’m devastated. I’m devastated you felt you couldn’t come to me about this. I’m devastated that I haven’t been enough for you. I should’ve done more. I should’ve been at home more with you, for longer…”
My stomach drops, tears gathering in my lashline. “Whoa. No. You were more than enough for me. I don’t know how I would’ve even become who I am today without you. You and Mom… You made me feel special. Loved.”
“Then why did you reach out to him?”
I sniffle. “It’s just… You got years with him, Daniel. He taught you football, and that became your whole life. He played with you. He tucked you in at night, he—”
Tears slide down his cheeks. “I tucked you in at night. I tucked you in, Tessie. I didn’t want you to ever feel—”
“And I didn’t. I had everything I needed. I…” I trail off, not sure how to express what I feel, so I start back at the beginning. “He taught you football. And he taught me how easy I am to abandon.”
He sucks in a sharp breath and lifts his shoulder to catch a tear dripping off his chin.
I reach for his hand across the table. “It was never a matter of what I was missing. Because I wasn’t missing anything.
You and Mom filled every space you could with care.
” I take a deep breath. “It was the why. Why could he walk away from me that easily? Why—” My voice cracks as a few tears slip free before I can stop them.
Daniel wipes a hand down his face in agony.
When he meets my gaze again, his words come out ragged and raw with emotion.
“Don’t you dare carry his failure on your back.
He left because that’s who he is. Not because of who you are.
I wish I could reach into your head and pull the lies you’ve been telling yourself right out of it.
You don’t get to take any of his blame. Not my fucking sister. ”
“I know. I know,” I whisper, feeling especially fragile. “I just didn’t know how to be strong enough to accept it as truth. And… I want you to know I blocked him this morning. I didn’t even send a text—I’m done.”
“I’m proud of you. That took a lot of courage.
” He squeezes my hand on the table. “I know you’re my little sister, but I really look up to you.
I always have. You, Mom, Gracie, Mae.” His voice cracks.
“I’ve been surrounded by strong women my entire life.
You’ve made me who I am. And all I want to do is continually return the favor. ”
I’m a mess. Reaching for a tissue in my purse, I dab at my cheeks, desperately trying to regain some sense of control over my emotions.
Daniel grabs a napkin and wipes at his eyes. “And if you ever feel like you need something, you can lean on the people you love for support, because we’ll always be there for you. Mom, Gracie, me…” He pauses, raising an eyebrow. “Anyone else on that list now?”
I cough, fearing that the subject has moved into another risky territory. “Um, yeah.”
Daniel grins. “I knew it.”
“Oh, fuck all the way off.”
“No one talks about someone else that much without being secretly into them. I would know. When Gracie and I were apart for The Decade That Shall Not Be Named, I used to talk about her all the time. Mostly in my head. But… same thing.”
I snort. “You are one shade away from creepy about her on any given day. You know that, right?”
He rolls his eyes. “Please. For how much you complained about Giovanni over the years, he should really have a restraining order against you.”
My shoulders shake with silent laughter. “Maybe we’re more similar than we think sometimes.”
Daniel gives my hand another squeeze. “Thank you for the compliment, Tessie.”