Chapter 14
Lia
Bursts of exhausted sleep carried me to morning, but the creaking, shifting, and rustling prevented any rest. When the sun was high enough in the sky to chase the vermin back to their hiding spots, I got up for a walk and maybe some breakfast before Mom’s appointment.
I unplugged my phone and hit the power button. While it powered on, I checked my bag for any creepy-crawlies and packed my charger cord inside. After ensuring I had everything I came with, I smoothed the bedspread and made my way down the cluttered hallway. At the bottom of the stairs, I had to move more carefully to reach the front door; the front room was most heavily burdened with Mom’s habit. Bugs crawled on the wall to my right, and I whimpered.
How had I dealt with this? How did my mom deal with it? The situation felt scary and hopeless. I chose my footholds with care and held my arms out for balance as I moved toward the door. When I reached it, I realized Mom hadn’t even locked it before going to sleep in the same place she’d been when I got in. Her soft snores reached my ears from her spot on the dining room loveseat.
The crisp air outside hit my nostrils, and a breathed a sigh of relief. The air smelled fresh, pure, and green, despite Fall being in full swing.
I took a left and walked down my childhood street. From there, I’d take a right down the hill to the deli. They made a mean breakfast sandwich, and it had been years since I had one. My stomach rumbled in anticipation.
The neighborhood felt the same. I passed my brother’s friends’ houses on the way and wondered what they were up to these days. I noticed the same cracks in the sidewalks. The sleepy town was the same, as if time had moved slower. And my mother was the same as she’d always been, too. Stuck in the quicksand of time.
I reached the deli and ordered two sandwiches to go. While I waited, I got a lousy French vanilla cappuccino from the self-serve machine. Extra-large. When my food was ready, the cashier gave me a brown paper bag and sent me on my way.
Old Mr. Daniels stood at the counter drinking black coffee and working on a stack of scratch-off tickets. Everything looked exactly the same as it had when I was young. Faded and worn, but the same. The stasis was both a comfort and a worry, somehow.
When I got back to my mother’s, she was awake, and the TV was on.
“Where’d you run off to for so damn long?”
“I walked down to the deli. Brought you back a sandwich.”
I worked my way over to her and set the paper bag in her lap.
“Take whichever one you want. I got plain cheese, and the other one is bacon.”
“I prefer ham, but what can I expect,” Mom muttered as she unwrapped the cellophane from her chosen sandwich. “No coffee?”
“I wouldn’t have been able to carry it. Are you dressed and ready to go?”
“Do I look dressed? Honestly, Amelia.”
She wore the same clothes as yesterday, but I had no way of knowing how often she changed. Based on the tub, I was pretty sure she wasn’t showering.
After she finished eating and changing her clothes in the kitchen, I helped her out the front door and into the passenger seat of my rental.
“Hey, Mom, I was wondering, if you aren’t driving anymore, would it be okay with you if I took the car with me when I head back? It would save me a lot of time and money.”
Mom didn’t answer, she just stared out the window. I’d try again later. Now that I knew she wasn’t even using the car, I didn’t have to feel bad about taking it back. Even though it was mine…
She needed it when hers died for her errands. I agreed she needed it more than me since her disability money only went so far, but the arrangement had been temporary. More than a year had passed. Enough was enough.
We pulled in at the doctor’s office building, and I walked in with her to make sure she checked in. Before we found seats in the waiting area, the doctor came out.
“Amelia! It’s so good to see you. Your mother said you’d be in town.”
When we walked over, Dr. Owens clasped my hands in his chilly ones. He leaned in so Mom couldn’t hear him.
“If your mom asks you to leave, go, but I hoped to have an audience. If you understand.”
I nodded, smiled, and followed him and Mom back to the examination room.
“Mrs. Hall. What brings you in today?” He asked after the door closed.
I put a hand on Mom’s shoulder so she knew I was there, and she didn’t bat me away or tell me to leave. I was in the clear.
“My breathing hasn’t been so good, Doctor. And I’m having a hard time getting around.”
Dr. Owens looked at Mom’s knees and listened to her lungs. After referring her to a specialist for a knee replacement, he warned her about air quality and suggested she clean up a little and open the windows when she dusts.
I knew the look. He knew about how she lived. When my mother walked out into the reception area for checkout, Dr. Owens stopped me with a hand on my arm.
“Your mom’s been in a few times for her breathing, and her mobility is getting worse. I want you to get in touch with someone that can help her. I don’t want to call APS or the township to get it taken care of, but something has to happen. Here’s my office extension. Please call me and let me know how things go, okay?”
“I’ll do what I can, but we’ve been down this road. No promises.”
He nodded. “You’re a good kid, Lia.”
When I walked out into the lobby, Mom was already finished with the receptionist. She gave me an exasperated look, but said nothing as we made our way back to the car. I let a couple minutes tick by in tense silence while I drove.
“The doctor seems to think air quality is an issue. Do you think if we—”
“Don’t. Stop it,” she cut me off. “Don’t start in on me again. I’ll get it taken care of.”
“Don’t you think if someone helped, it might go a little easier?”
“No, I don’t think it would go easier. I don’t want some stranger in my house going through my things. Ain’t any of their goddamn business.”
I sighed, blinking back the tears that burned the edges of my eyes. Always rigid.
Just before we pulled into the driveway, Mom put her hand on my knee. “I’m just scared,” she said.
“I know it’s hard, but your life and health could improve. Just let me call someone to come talk to you.”
She took a deep breath, but coughed it back out. “Okay.”
“About the car?”
Mom cleared her throat and tried to catch her breath. “I lost the keys months back. That’s the truth. I’ll help you look. If you find ‘em, take the car.”
The trek inside was a lot tougher than it used to be, and I hoped Mom noticed enough to make a change. I knew she was as embarrassed as she was defensive. Hoarding was a mental disorder; a very physical one, but still a mental disorder. She needed help to get on a better path before it was too late.
When I got the door closed behind us, I looked around the main floor. The keys to my car were in the house somewhere, and if I found them, I found freedom. Getting that freedom would be like finding a needle in a haystack factory. I sighed and slung a hand onto my hip.
”Where did you usually have the car keys?”
”If they were where I usually put them, they wouldn”t be lost.” Mom snapped.
I sighed loudly as an answer. But then she coughed again, and guilt ate its way through my annoyance.
”I”m sorry for being so defensive, Lia. The keys are down here. I think in the kitchen or dining room.”
I navigated the thin, jagged walkway to the dining room with her and got her setup on the sofa before picking my way to the kitchen. Once there, I started moving stacks of pots, pans, mail, and other miscellaneous stuff. I listened hard for the keys with every item I touched, but nothing got my attention.
The weight of my other obligations pressed at my back. I couldn”t spend all afternoon here; I”d fall further behind with work. I hadn”t checked my email or phone at all today, and I had a feeling Derrick expected prompt correspondence, even on the weekend.
I rearranged and shifted clutter in the kitchen for another half an hour while Mom napped. The emotional outbursts took it out of her, so she couldn”t help me search. We were nowhere near close, and our friction-filled interactions were exhausting even for me.
I guess the car wasn”t to be.
I gave up the search. This was going nowhere. I had to tell Mom I needed to go. Leaning down, I squeezed her shoulder to wake her as gently as I could. Her eyes cracked open, and she met my soft stare.
”I”m gonna get this taken care of, Lia. I”m sorry.”
”I”m taking off, Mom. Work is piling up.”
”You find the keys?”
I shook my head, my lips a thin line. ”I”ll have to order replacements from the dealership.”
She nodded and settled back into the sofa. ”Okay. See you next time, then.”
”Love you.”
”Uh-huh,” she said, her eyes already closed.
I rolled my eyes as I worked my way out of the dining room toward the front door.
Before I left, I committed the room to memory with one last scan. If Mom cleaned up before I came back, I would notice. Out of the corner of my eye, something silver glinted in a sliver of sunlight slicing through the drawn curtains. I looked down, and there, near the front door, were my car keys. I blinked at them a few times, unsure what I was seeing.
”I can”t believe it,” I murmured, more to myself.
”What was that?”
”I found the keys, Mom.”
”Okay. Take the car, then.” You”ll have to figure out how to dump the rental, though. I”m not doing it.”
While I waited for a ride back to my car from the rental drop-off, I pulled my phone out of my bag for the first time. I had notifications from everyone important, including Raph.
Raph: How are the designs coming along?
He”d sent the message last night, just a few minutes after my phone died. I cringed as I replied nearly a day later.
Lia: Sorry for the late reply. I sent my first draft for the plans to my boss last night. As soon as I hear back, I”ll send them out.
With that taken care of, I pulled up my conversation with Shell.
Lia: I got the car back!!
I dumped my phone back in my bag when my ride arrived. For the first time, I left Mom”s with more than I came with. She let me in, gave me something, and promised to take step to fix the house. I was happy to let myself believe her, at least for a little while.
Apart from some fast food wrappers, the car was in good shape. My hopes hadn”t been high, but relief flooded my veins when the engine turned over.
I filled up the gas tank and ditched the garbage at the convenience store, picked up a fruity air freshener, and set off for home brimming with optimism.
On the drive, my mind drifted to Derrick and Raphael. I couldn”t afford to let them go so long without an answer. I hadn”t gotten to my email, and whatever messaged I had would be a day neglected by the time I got home. At least this was a onetime circumstance.
The last forty-eight hours had been a major trial; my head swam, trying to keep everything straight. Touring the building site with Raphael, dealing with Derrick throwing his gratuitous weight around, driving all the way to Mom”s, taking her to the doctor, then driving all the way back the next day.
I still wasn”t done, but my body begged for sleep.
I dropped my purse and keys on the counter when I finally made it back to my comfort zone, far away from my childhood home. The apartment was quiet, no sign of Shell. There was too much to do, and I was behind, so I had to get caught up before I quit for the day.
I wandered back to my bedroom, grabbed my comfiest lounge clothes, and threw all my dirty stuff into the hamper. After spending time at Mom”s, I desperately needed a shower. Non-negotiable. The car needs to be detailed as well. My head spun with the ever-growing pile of obligations.
I called the doctor”s office and left him a message about Mom so he could follow up as he saw fit, and hit the bathroom to scrub the first layer of skin from my body.
The heat of the spray had my eyelids drooping, but I couldn”t give in. There was still too much to do. Armed with my fuzzy pajamas, a glass of wine, and my laptop, I flopped onto the couch to finish catching up so I could start the week as strong as possible.
I pulled up my work email and scanned the list for Derrick”s name. All I had was his auto-response for being out of the office.
Again with the power plays.
I groaned and pulled up an email to Raphael. But what could I say? I stared at the blank message, tapping my chin. I didn”t want to leave him hanging, but I was supposed to wait for Derrick”s approval. My boss”s inaction threatened my project. Raph hadn”t responded to my earlier message, but I still wanted to follow up.
I clicked into my design and fiddled with it until the apartment door burst open. Shell stood in the doorway panting like she ran up the stairs. I smirked.
”I guess this one was better than Thursday Night Guy?”
”He was so cute! We went to this club up in the city, then I crashed at his place when we got back. We were so beat from dancing, we didn”t even hook up. Then, last night, we did another club. It was like seven in the morning when we got back, but I”m seeing him again next weekend. Maybe.”
I shook my head as she waltzed back to the bathroom. Nothing seemed to get to that girl. I had no idea where she found the motivation to live like that. Not that I was so old I had to be in bed by eight, but Shell acted like she was still twenty-one. Thirty was going to be knocking down our doors any minute.
It wasn”t that unreasonable for me to want my nights at home, was it? My overfull schedule left me exhilarated and exhausted. Mostly exhausted.
I double-checked my edits, then shut the laptop lid. That hour of work had felt like days. At least the project looked great. Raph would like it. Never in my design career had I poured so much effort into one project, but I”d never been so inspired. All it took was someone giving me a chance, and there it was; the most intricate and superlative work of my career. It was nearly perfect.
Shell returned to the living room in pajamas, with a freshly washed face, and her two-day-old going out hair wrangled into an extremely messy bun.
”What”s up for date night tonight?”
Shell grinned sheepishly and flopped down next to me on the sofa. ”I”m all yours, babe. I”m so tired from being out all night. It”ll be an early Saturday for me, for sure.”
Maybe twenty-eight was catching up to Shell a little bit after all.
We browsed Netflix until we settled on a nostalgic rom-com for girls” night in, just as we did every Saturday night as long as we lived together. Shell made some microwave popcorn and settled into her favorite spot on the couch.
”Want some?” She pushed the bowl into the middle of the empty seat toward me.
”Sure.” I pulled the bowl of buttery goodness my way.
My phone pinged. I rolled my eyes, expecting an email from Derrick, but a text lit up my phone screen.
”What was that?” Shell asked through a mouth full of popcorn.
Raph.
Raph: Hey, Lia. Busy?
I keyed a quick response, saying I was free, but guilt set in as soon as I tapped send.
He responded almost instantly, saying he wanted to get together, get a drink. This wasn”t what I had been anticipating for my night, and conflict danced through my mind. What to do?
Wasn”t he supposed to be out of town for a few days? If he wasn”t gone, what did he want from me this late? My mind immediately jumped to the dirtiest of places. My cheeks heated incriminatingly.
”Ooh, is it Mr. Mystery Guy? Texting this late, is he?” Shell gave me a sly smile. ”Go out. God knows I have no room to judge.” Shell always had a smile ready for me. What would I do without my girl?
”But it”s girls” night, and I have all the details from the last few days locked and loaded.”
I didn”t want to bail on my friendship tradition, but the very real want to go out made that hard. Exhaustion be damned, I wanted to go out.
Shell laughed and shook her head. ”Oh, babe, we started staying in for you, not for me. I use it as an excuse to get too drunk on Fridays. Go out. Have fun. He”s sohot. Don”t do anything I wouldn”t do. Or do.”
”I feel like I haven”t slept in ages. Maybe I should stay.”
”Babe. I know how stressful going home to see your mom must have been, but do you hear yourself right now?” Shell gripped my shoulders and gave me a little shake, her eyes shining with mischief. ”Sleep is for the weak! This is the man of your freakin” dreams asking you out for ”a drink,”” Shell made air quotes with her fingers. ”Something tells me if you get your cute butt out there and meet him, you aren”t going to want to sleep. At least, not the way you”re talking about now.”
I looked down at my lap, my heart fluttering and protesting its confines in my chest. Should I go out?
Shell reached her hand into my line of sight and waved. She grabbed my phone out of my lap and sent Raphael an affirmative answer.
”Go! Get ready!”
I hugged her and extricated myself from the comfortable couch cocoon.
I dashed clumsily into my room to throw on something decent. I swapped my fuzzy pants and ratty camisole for a long-sleeved shirt with some lace detailing on the lower part of the sleeves and pair of teal skinny jeans. A quick swipe of mascara and lip gloss and I was ready to go out. On a Saturday. For the first time in forever. Maybe ever?
I toed on a pair of ballet flats and did a final look in the mirror, taking a deep calming breath. Even though Raph had invited me for a drink, there were heavier implications when one went out after nine with no professional agenda. My stomach flip-flopped with excitement and a hint of arousal. The possibilities sent thrilling running down my body.
I kissed Shell”s cheek on my way out the door.
”Go get ”em, tiger! I”m so proud of you, babe.”
”Thanks. Are we still going up to New York sometime?”
”Oh yeah. Thanks for reminding me. I”ll let you know as soon as I can. Now get out of here! Be young, for God”s sakes!”
Raph was already waiting outside my building when I walked out. I slipped into the warm passenger seat of his sexy black car and gave him a megawatt smile. My nerves bubbled right below the surface, and our proximity sent awareness pinging through me. ”So, where are we headed?”
”I thought we could get a drink somewhere. Do you have anywhere you like? I don”t know the area”s hotspots.” He paused, as if unsure. ”The hotel I”m in has a nice bar.”
I met his eye. Where I expected uncertainty, I saw raw heat. I gulped in a shaky breath, then swallowed. ”That sounds perfect.”
My heart hammered in my chest. We were en route to the hotel where he was staying. I had assumed he was out of town, and that I wouldn”t see him until the presentation next week sometime. Until this moment, I thought our outburst of passion the other day was a one-off. But now I was in his car on a Saturday night and neither one of us had said anything whatsoever about the project.
We reached the grand hotel a couple of tense minutes later. Even the outside was meticulously elegant. The lobby was dusted with marks of opulence, too. The furniture was ornate, the floors gleamed, everything was spotless. Raph had his hand at the small of my back, guiding me through the lobby to the bar entrance on the lefthand side. I stopped.
”What”s the matter?” He looked concerned, his brows furrowed.
”Well, we”re here kind of late,” I said, trying to get my courage front and center. ”We could just have a drink upstairs.”
He withdrew his hand. His face was blank, unreadable. Had I pushed when I was meant to be pliant? Maybe he had wanted to meet up to discuss something for Experience after all, and I was just overly presumptuous. But then, after several agonizing seconds of self-doubt, his fingertips curled tightly around my wrist. I swallowed and peered up at him through my lashes, seeing heat in his wild eyes.
He was such a schooled man, but there was a roaring fire inside him. It was passion, and I worried it would consume me like an inferno, but I couldn”t stay away. I wouldn”t dream of it.
Raph pulled me to a hallway on the other side of the lobby where we waited for the elevator.
We rode the car in overwrought silence. I could barely draw breath, the air was so thick with our unspoken desire. At last, the doors slid apart, revealing a small generic foyer exit from the elevator, then a door for which Raph entered a passcode. The keypad beeped, and the numbers glowed white. He closed the door behind us and pressed my back against it, our bodies melting together. He captured my mouth in a kiss that erased all doubt — and thought — from my mind. Even through all the layers of clothing, I could feel the bulge of his arousal pressing into my stomach as his hips pinned me. Bliss. Hot, aching bliss.
Raph took a step back and shucked his coat and scarf, never breaking eye contact. I missed the warmth of him as soon as he stepped away. There was a look of desperation in his eyes I hadn”t seen before, and it did tantalizing things. I wanted to make it happen more.
”I thought you were out of town,” I said just above a whisper, my voice husky.
All the surrounding glamor in this hotel suite paled to the man staring me down with the promise of scorching hot sex.
”In the morning. For a few days.”
He lowered his mouth to my neck, gently kissing and licking my skin, driving me insane. Why did I want to talk again? The only things left on earth were me, Raph, and the heat flickering between us.
He pulled down the zipper of my jacket, a subtle fit and flare anorak with an oversized hood, and threw it aside. His hot mouth landed on my neck again, taking advantage of the new uninhibited access. This man knew how to drive me wild. I closed my eyes, moaning as he nipped my earlobe.
He took his time. He kept kissing, slowly walking me over to his bed. When the backs of my knees hit the mattress, he moved in and let us fall.
We landed on the luxurious, plush, king-sized bed, and his ever-so-slightly chilled fingers finally found the skin of my belly. He brushed against me, sending shivers up and down my spine and causing goose bumps to spring up.
”Take off your shirt,” he murmured against my ear, eyes on fire.
I obliged. We broke eye contact only when I slid the shirt up over my head. Raph looked like he was losing his mind.
His carnal reaction made my breath hitch. He kissed the tops of my breasts, moving the material of my plum bralette to reveal the dusky rose peaks of my nipples. I panted, my breaths coming quick and shaky as heat pooled low in my belly.
He drew one of the taut buds into his mouth and sucked hard while his skilled fingers pinched and plucked the other. The sensation sent a line of fire straight to my core. I tugged his shirt up and over his head, rolling over on top of him, pinning his arms above his head, my breathing labored by lust.
I didn”t know an hour ago, but I needed this. I needed him.