Chapter 25
Lia
Icollected my things and drove home, not bothering to tell Shell about the abysmal state of my life. She would probably try to console me and rationalize the bright side, but I didn”t want the bright side. I just wanted to go home with my tail between my legs. Pajamas, a whole box of cosmic brownies, and lots of sulking.
This was the sort of day I used to soothe by visiting Mystery Guy in my mind, but those thoughts were no longer a sanctuary. It turned out the man behind the mystery was an a-hole.
He tricked me into thinking he was something special, that we had something special. None of it mattered. All he cared about was his new club, more than even hearing me out about what happened with Derrick.
I was alone with nowhere left to hide. The pain of losing my job was nothing compared to the loss of my sanctuary. I felt cold, naked, and out of sorts. And all I wanted to do was run back to him.
Tears slipped down my cheeks, and I let them fall. What else could I do? It hurt like a bitch.
Shell flipped on the light, and I recoiled, squeezing my grainy eyes closed. Was it after five already? Shell threw her purse on the counter and plopped down on the sofa next to me, brushing some snack wrappers onto the floor.
”Something tells me this isn”t a celebration for one.”
I moaned and rolled into the sofa cushion, hiding my tear-stained face. ”What a disaster,” I mumbled into the pillow.
”Wanna talk about it?”
I shook her head and burrowed deeper into the couch.
”Could you tell me, anyway? I need to know who I”m putting a hit out on.”
”Derrick changed my design and forwarded it. Raph didn”t like it, and I got fired.”
Shell laid down on top of me. I thought it was for comfort until Shell started digging under the blanket I had tangled around me.
”Aha! Thanks. I”ll be taking this. I”m not giving you the chance to make a mistake.”
Shell walked off into her room with my phone, and I didn”t chase after her. Shell had a reason for everything she did, and I didn”t have the energy to question it.
After an episode or two of Friends played, Shell came back and sat down with me.
”C”mon, babe. Sit up.”
”Why? Let me have this. Just today. It was the worst day of my life. Let me imagine I”m sinking into this couch and never coming back out.” I whined as I pulled myself into a half-sitting position, hugging my knees.
That was all Shell was going to get, crashing my pity party for one. I wasn”t looking for company or pep talks. I wanted to wake up discovering the day never happened. Or disappear.
”Even if it seems like the world is ending, it isn”t. You aren”t going to take this bullshit lying down. Derrick had it in for you, but you aren”t going to let him have that power, to hold you under his thumb. My girl is way stronger than she thinks, and also way, way good at design. Do you still have your original plans saved?”
”Uh, yeah, they should be on my work computer. Ugh. I have to take that in. I was hoping I wouldn”t have to go back.”
I slid back down until I was curled up on the sofa again. Shell sighed and rubbed my side. Her effort was nice, but not having an effect.
”Meet me at lunchtime at the cafe we love. We”ll have some food, then I”ll go with to take the computer back, okay?”
”If I have to.”
”That”s all you have to do, then you can sulk the rest of the week.”
”I love you, Shell.”
”I love you, too, Lia. Everything is going to be okay. You”ll see.”
Shell smiled like she really meant it. I knew she was wrong, but I still loved her spunk. This ache in my chest would never cease. My heart and future were smashed to pieces.
Inever got up to go to bed, and I could feel it all over. Every part of my body ached. Crying myself to sleep left my eyes puffy and red, and my hair was a matted disaster. I felt hungover, unable to focus.
I dragged myself to my bedroom to get ready to meet Shell. She was going to get Giant Sweater Lia, and she”d better like it. A shower wasn”t in the cards, and there would be no fixing the disaster of my hair, so I steered into the skid and tied it into a super messy braid over the shoulder. If I squinted at my reflection, I could almost pretend it was intentional.
I picked out my coziest knit hat, tugged on the comfy boots I should have gotten rid of a couple years back, and headed out with my purse and laptop bag. This would be the last time I needed to make this drive. The last time I”d have to see or talk to Derrick.
In through the nose, out through the mouth.
I”d get past this and get a new job somewhere I would be appreciated, and this would just be a little bump in the road. All that was fine, but getting past the other part of this shit storm was going to be a lot harder.
I spent years upon years making sure Mystery Guy was the best guy. He was unforgettable, un-get-over-able. We spent mere days together, but my heart was in thousands of pieces. Broken shards I couldn”t reassemble into anything that wouldn”t hurt me and everyone else. It was too late to backtrack.
I snagged a parking space around the corner from the cafe and walked the rest of the way to the door, the cold wind biting into my cheeks and ripping through my sweater and coat. I pulled it close. Me and the weather had a lot in common.
Shell was already sitting inside when I opened the door. She raised a hand wave when she saw me. That wouldn”t be our booth anymore. I was unemployed.
”You made it.”
”I made it.” I slumped into the booth and picked up a menu card.
The waitress came over, took our orders, and collected the menus. Then Shell revealed what a terrible traitor she was.
”Shell. What did you do?” I hissed.
Raph stood next to our booth, and Shell was leaving me.
”I”m just going to take my food back to my desk. You, my love, are going to give your design presentation. Good luck. I know he”s going to love it,” Shell used her guilty voice, then laid a quick peck on my cheek as she walked away.
Traitor.
I was in no way close to dressed for this occasion. I looked like hell. I didn”t even know how much charge my computer had. Shit shit shit.
”Can I sit down?”
I nodded and slid further into the booth, giving him room. Raph”s closeness made me ill. He didn”t want me, he wanted the plans. He wouldn”t have been so cold if he were interested in anything else.
I can get through this. I will get through this.
”Let me just get my computer set up, and I”ll show you what I have. How did she get you here?”
”Shell left me a voicemail last evening from your phone telling me what had happened. She assured me it would be worth my time to see what you had.”
”You didn”t think that yesterday,” I shot back.
Raph winced. Good. He should know how hurt I was.
”I”m here now.”
I flattened my lips into a frown. I felt strange, didn”t know what I was supposed to think or feel. Or what to show. Shell had done me a favor I wasn”t prepared to accept, but I, too, was here now.
The waitress brought my cocoa to the table with a lemon water for Raph. She hurried away when she saw we were busy with work.
Here goes nothing.
I pulled up the original design and turned my computer screen toward Raph.
I showed him my floor plan models, the paint colors, fabrics, concepts for furniture, then sat back and let him read everything over. Fine details mattered, and Derrick had left them out of his at-bat.
After a couple of minutes, I stole a glance at Raph”s face. He didn”t look upset, but he didn”t look like he”d had any trouble sleeping last night. He also didn”t look disappointed in what he saw.
I took a tentative sip of my frothy drink. The velvety smooth sweetness did little to calm my frazzled nerves, but it was something. I held my breath.
”This is what I was expecting from you. I should have known better when this wasn”t what I got.”
”Yeah, you should have. We walked that raw building together and talked about your vision and my plans. You took a damn tour through my life, Raph. You know me better than many people do, but you didn”t trust me. You thought I wouldn”t come through.”
”Would it help if I apologized?”
”Try it and see where it gets you.”
Raph angled himself toward me. He was so tall, his jaw so sharp. He looked imposing; he was so put together and I was a total freaking mess.
”I”m sorry I didn”t listen to you when you called me. I should have heard you out.”
”Is that all you”re sorry for?”
”What else is there?”
I stared hard, then broke and looked away.
”I thought I knew you, but I don”t. When you”re dealing with your baby, your project, it”s like you”re not the man I thought I”d come to know.”
”Business is different, Lia. Geoff gave me everything I have. He mentored me. I”m doing everything I can to maintain his legacy. To live up to his standards and put everything he taught me into practice.”
I took another sip of my hot chocolate and stared out the window. A misty rain blocked out the details. I met Raph”s eyes and saw something there; a flash of pain? It was gone as soon as I noticed it.
”Maybe if you ran a business like you instead of like someone else, you wouldn”t have these problems.”
”I”m doing what I have to.”
I held his gaze this time. I would not back down. His steely facade cracked, and I saw pain seeping through again. He wasn”t getting out of this unscathed after all. No one dances that close to fire and doesn”t leave with a singed heart.
He reached toward me, but I pulled back. He let his hand drop to the table.
”I really have somewhere I need to be,” he said finally, standing and excusing himself from our meeting.
”Fine. But send me an updated contract. I got fired yesterday morning.”