Chapter Thirty-Seven
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Eugene woke up to find an arm draped across his chest. He couldn’t help but smile at the feel of Natalie’s warm body pressed against his.
He slid out of bed to use the bathroom, then came back and climbed into bed and pulled her against him, nuzzling his face in her neck.
Last night he’d told her he loved her. She hadn’t said anything in return, which was fine. He had no expectations other than letting her know how he felt.
She wriggled against him and he got hard. Of course he did. He wrapped his arm around her, snaking his fingers down her body and between her legs, massaging her clit with slow, gentle movements until she began to writhe against him and make soft moaning sounds that made his balls quiver.
She came with a whimpered cry and a shudder. He continued to stroke her easily, then waited until she relaxed. He reached over and grabbed a condom, put it on, then slid inside of her, her body still quaking with the aftereffects of her orgasm. He reached up to tease and stroke her nipples while he thrust inside of her, and when she came again, this time he went with her.
After, she got out of bed and went into the bathroom. He went into the guest bathroom, then came back and put on his shorts, let Grizelda outside, then made two cups of coffee, pouring cream into one of the cups for Natalie.
She came down the hall wearing one of his T-shirts—and apparently, nothing else.
He leaned against the counter, coffee cup in hand. “You trying to get me hard again?”
She smiled, then came over and picked up the other cup. “Thanks for making me coffee.” She took a sip, then sighed. “That’s good.”
“Feel like some breakfast?”
She paused as if she were about to say something else, then gave a quick nod. “Sure.”
He got out bacon and eggs and bread, along with fruit. Natalie came over and helped, and they fixed breakfast together. He could envision doing this on weekends, with the kids running around and Grizzie chasing them.
Kind of a perfect life, actually.
Once breakfast was finished, Natalie poured orange juice for them, and they sat at the island to eat.
“Party was good last night, wasn’t it?” he asked.
“Mm-hmm.”
“Have you talked to your mom yet today? See how the kids were doing?”
“No. I’m sure they’re fine.”
“Okay.” Grizelda wanted back in the house, so he let her in and poured out dog food for her that he’d bought to keep at his house. He poured fresh water into her bowl, then slid back into his chair to continue eating.
“I bought the same dog food you have at your place.”
“Oh. That’s nice. Thanks.”
Obviously Natalie wasn’t interested in having conversation this morning, so they finished their meal in silence. When they were done, he took everything to the sink and piled it up, then went to take a shower. When he got out and went to the bedroom, he saw that Natalie had gotten dressed. He slipped into boxer briefs and clean shorts, then pulled on a sleeveless shirt.
“I used some of your toothpaste to brush my teeth,” she said, using an elastic tie to put her hair in a ponytail. She went downstairs, so he followed her down there.
“Maybe you should start leaving a change of clothes here. And a toothbrush. Some favorite shampoo?”
“Yeah, about that. Can we sit and talk?”
“Sure.” He walked with her to the sofa. She sat and he took a spot next to her.
“I had a really good time last night with you, Eugene. These past few months have been amazing.”
Uh-oh. He knew what that meant. “Yeah, it’s been really great.”
“And when you told me you loved me last night—”
“It freaked you out, didn’t it?”
She shook her head. “No, it didn’t. Because I love you, too.”
He grinned. “You do?” He picked up her hand. “That’s a good thing, right?”
She inhaled, let it out. “Not for us, Eugene.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re almost five years younger than me. And I see you with my kids and my dog. You have this huge capacity for love and family. The thing is, I have a family. I have Camryn and Christopher. And they’re everything to me. My life is just the way I want it to be—family-wise. I’m done, Eugene. But you…you’re just getting started. You’re going to want to make your own family someday, have a child of your own. And I can’t do that for you.”
He sat there for a minute, absorbing everything she’d said before he responded. Emotions swirled around him from hurt to anger and back to hurt again. “You’ve decided this all on your own, huh? You know what’s best for me? For what I want in my future?”
“Eugene…”
She squeezed his hand, but he jerked it away and stood.
“I don’t get it, Natalie. You and me, we’ve been on this same trajectory almost since we first met. We clicked in ways I’ve never clicked with anyone before. You were so snarky and determined not to like me, until you just couldn’t help yourself. And I wanted to tease you into liking me, and it finally worked. I thought you and I could have some fun. That’s what we both agreed to. No big deal, no commitments, right? But then something happened, because with every passing day I fell harder and harder for you, until that turned into love.
“I had to tell you I loved you, realizing it was a risk, because while I thought you might love me, too, I wasn’t a hundred percent sure. And just now, when you told me you loved me?” He raked his fingers through his hair. “Man, it was the greatest. Because while you can’t see our future together, Natalie? I can. I see it perfectly. I see you and me and Cammie and Christopher and Grizelda and maybe another dog to keep Grizzie company. I see us getting married and living happily ever after in my house or your house or wherever you want to live. I don’t need some genetic marker to make kids my kids. I love your kids, Natalie. I love your kids as much as I love you. I want forever with you. I wish you could see that, could feel as confident about that as I am.”
She looked up at him. “You say that now, Eugene, because you’re in the throes of new love. But someday you’ll change your mind.”
“Oh, because you know how I feel? You know how I’ll feel in ten years? Twenty years? That’s pretty impressive.”
She stood. “I just…I don’t ever want to put you in the position of having regrets, Eugene. I love you too much to tie you down to me, to a family you might regret having someday. It would hurt everyone involved. And I have to look out for my kids. I can’t have them get hurt, either.”
He took a step forward, coming face-to-face with her. “Do you think that there’s any chance that I would do anything to hurt those kids? Because if you do, then you don’t know me as well as you think you do, Natalie. And that really hurts.”
He saw the tears filling her eyes, but he was so wrapped up in his own pain he couldn’t acknowledge them.
She went to the counter and grabbed her keys, calling Grizelda. “Give yourself some time to think about this, Eugene. You’ll realize I’m right.”
He went with her to the door. “And you give yourself the same amount of time, Natalie. You’ll realize how wrong you are.”
She walked out without a word, Grizelda following her out the door.
He closed the door and walked down the hall, that familiar emptiness surrounding him. Only this time it felt a lot more permanent.