7. Chapter Seven
Chapter Seven
Mu Fanqing
The light of the sun briefly blinds me as I step outside. I hold my fan up, trying to blink so that I can clear my vision. It would not do to trip at a moment like this. I take several careful steps till I reach my family.
Father stands there, beaming proudly as he watches me stride up. Mother is trying to hide her tears behind her handkerchief, and Ehuang gives me an encouraging smile from behind them.
My family, the Mus. We may not be the most powerful, or influential family.
My father is a simple official in the Ministry of Justice, an eight-rank official in the emperor’s court.
He could have tried to move up by now, but he has no taste for the politics of it all.
He simply seeks to live a peaceful life, serving his majesty in the little ways and never tainting his conscience.
It does make me wonder where my own ambition came from, because it was certainly not from my father.
Still, I respect him, he is stronger than I am.
I was never content with our simple existence and our family’s low standing.
I wanted to move up in positions till I held the highest I possibly could.
And I suppose that my wish has been granted, in the worst way possible.
Today I go from an eighth rank official’s daughter to the lady of the Fourth Family.
If you look at it a certain way, it could even be considered an honor.
My marriage into the Xiao family will likely help my sister with future wedding prospects.
I glance up at the cloudless sky, trying to take that as a small comfort.
But if I served at the emperor’s side then I could have helped elevate my family’s position as well.
And I would have done it based on my own efforts instead of being elevated to such a position by a husband.
I could feel a sense of accomplishment rather than like a good sold at a market. Bought off at a cheap price and soon after discarded at home.
I keep the fan firmly over my face to hide my thoughts from my family. To them this is a good thing, it can only help them. I’m going up in rank whilst still not marrying into a family that is caught in faction wars. My father can continue to remain uninvolved in the courtly battles.
Ehuang was right, it truly could have been a worse match. If anything, I should be grateful to Xiao Shu for being so uninvolved in courtly intrigue, so that I do not have to carry a target on my back for the rest of my life.
I stop in front of my parents, bowing once to father and then to mother.
“Oh, Fanqing, you are beautiful,” mother gasps out.
“I never thought I would see this day come,” father says grasping my hands and helping me to straighten.
“You must write every month—no, every week!” Ehuang says, standing on her tiptoes so that she can be seen over father’s shoulders.
Father pats my hands. “Be safe. Xiao Shu seems to be an even-tempered man so that is good. Do not forget your years of cultivation while you are out in the wild. Spirits are tricky beasts, but I know that they are no match for your mind.”
“Thank you father, mother,” I say nodding to them. “Ehuang.”
My family smiles at me through their tears.
I draw in a deep fortifying breath before I turn away. I left my family to attend the academy alone in the mountains to refine my cultivation, but it feels different this time. Now I am leaving permanently without the intention of ever returning. I will call a different manor my home.
I will be the lady of that manor. My foot stalls as I realize that. After today I will no longer be Cultivator Mu, but Lady Xiao.
My stomach feels hollowed out as if some part of me that existed deep within has been ripped out and discarded.
I grit my teeth and raise my chin, vowing to myself that I won’t lose myself like that. I am Lady Xiao in name only. I will always be Cultivator Mu. That is the name I was born to, that is the title I worked toward.
I set my gaze resolutely forward as I begin walking down the red mat rolled out across our courtyard. Over the top of my fan, I spot Shu sitting on his horse next to the bridal sedan that is ready to take me to his house. Where I will then be his bride.
I draw in a shaky breath, forcing myself to keep my gaze locked on Shu.
He is dressed in similar robes to mine. Our clothes are a brilliant scarlet to signify good fortune, if such a thing can be found in a forced, loveless marriage.
The bright teal of his inner robes peaks out at his collar, matching my own hanfu.
His hair is swept up into a topknot today, looking drastically different than how he did when we signed our marriage contract.
It is held in place by a single golden band.
It’s simple and elegant, giving him a very clean-cut look that completely contradicts his poor reputation he holds as a rude and arrogant man who throws around his name and doesn’t actually care for the people he saves from the spirits.
They say that he kills the spirits out of hatred toward their kind. Not out of any sort of sense of loyalty to the emperor or a desire to protect the masses.
I can believe that as I stride toward him. His face is completely impassive as he takes in his bride striding toward him.
I keep my head straight to keep my headdress from swaying too much. I have a far more elaborate headdress than I am used to with pins in my hair with beaded jewels and pearls hanging down around my ears.
Shu’s eyes shift ever so slightly as I draw closer. His face remains completely impassive, but his eyes, those dark eyes swirling with countless hidden thoughts, those bore into me.
I hold his gaze for a single second before I raise my fan to block him off. I lower my gaze to the ground, watching the tips of my slippers as I walk to make certain that I don’t trip over the ends of my hanfu.
I focus for the rest of the walk across my courtyard until I reach the waiting bridal sedan. Never once do I allow my mind to focus on more than simply putting one foot in front of the other.
One of the servants in the procession comes around to help me mount the steps into the sedan, once I am inside it, I slump into the seat grateful for the gauze curtains blocking me from view of outside onlookers.
I’ve always held the belief that I must only show my best self to the people around me, image is power and I mustn’t ever allow any cracks to show in the perfect mirror version of myself that I have built up to reflect what I want the world to see.
But here in the privacy of this sedan as it starts to move forward, bringing me closer and closer to Shu’s home where we will become husband and wife, I allow a few cracks to show.
I feel strangely like crying, but that would smudge my eye makeup and then everyone would know about my moment of weakness within this sedan. So, instead I sit up, grip my fan, and try not to dwell on the fact that my life is changing forever today.
The sedan comes to a stop, and I draw in an unsteady breath, suddenly wishing I’d taken advantage of my chance to cry.
But the wedding isn’t even halfway over yet; now isn’t the time to fall apart.
I lean forward, parting the gauze curtain and step onto the platform outside the sedan.
There is Shu standing there. His face is grim as if attending a funeral.
I wonder if my expression matches his. The truth is that my face has gone a bit numb from the effort to keep it expressionless.
He shakes his arm, adjusting his sleeve and then holds his hand up. I stare at it for a second and try not to think about the way my life is in his hands. If you think about it, his life is just as much in my hands.
If he ruins my life I have more than enough opportunity to return the favor.
I slide my hand into his and allow him to support me as I exit the sedan, keeping the fan up to hide my face from everyone except for the man beside me.
“Now at the auspicious hour, the bride has arrived!” the announcer cries out.
Someone brings us a red ribbon. The center is tied into several knots almost resembling a bouquet.
Shu grasps one end of the rope and I grab the other, the knotted center trailing behind us as we begin walking down the aisle while people toss nuts in front of us.
I have no idea who these people are. To be honest, their faces are all blurred out with only Shu’s existing in focus.
There is a saddle laid out in front of us, so that we can step over it. Completing the ritual signifying that I am leaving my family to join the Xiaos and blessing us with a peaceful and prosperous life together.
I raise my foot, stepping over the saddle in sync with Shu. As I do so I pray that we can truly have peace and prosperity. Whatever sort of couple we are, at least we can have that. Nothing about peace or prosperity requires a prerequisite of love.
And as Shu’s wife, I want him to lead as peaceful and prosperous life as possible. Preferably far away from me while I live my own peaceful and prosperous life.
On the other side of the saddle are sets of mats, Shu and I step onto them, we walk slowly so that servants have time to grab the mats that we just walked on and put them in front of us.
Around us, well-wishers sprinkle us with flower petals and nuts.
I don’t know why we are putting forward such a ceremony, when this marriage is nothing more than the emperor’s imposed will.
With my fan obscuring so much of my vision, I’m thankful for our slowed pace so that I don’t have to worry about tripping.
I just have to focus on one step at a time.
My eyes are focused on Shu’s feet making sure that I am stepping in sync with him, so focused that I don’t notice that one of the servant girls moving the mat on my side is a little behind the other and hadn’t completely laid down the mat.
My foot catches in my skirt as I try to withdraw it and I wind up losing my balance. I pitch to the side and almost knock into the servant girl but then suddenly there is a firm grip on my elbow, holding me in place.
I straighten, breathing a small sigh of relief. Thank goodness that I didn’t just humiliate myself in front of all these people. I glance at Shu out of the corner of my eye. He is looking at me but doesn’t say anything He does keep his hand on my elbow, guiding me as we continue to cross the mats.
Once we are safely to the other side, we have made it to the Xiao family shrine.
Now that we are reaching this part of the ceremony, I’m suddenly reminded of the Xiao family massacre that I heard of many years ago.
There are no parents waiting for us in the ancestor hall, save for two memorial plaques that have Shu’s parents’ names etched across them.
The Xiao family was almost wiped out in that massacre, only Shu and one cousin managed to survive since they had been out on a spirit hunting expedition. And suddenly Shu was thrust into the role of the head of the family.
“The couple bows to heaven and earth!” the announcer calls. Shu and I both bow. We then turn as the announcer cries out. “The couple bows to the ancestors.”
I bow toward the Xiao family memorial plates before finally turning one last time. This time I am facing Shu. I study him over the top of my fan, trying to puzzle out this man who is to be my husband.
“The couple bows to each other!” the announcer cries out. Shu and I both slowly lower into a bow, our eyes remaining locked on each other until the last possible second.
And just like that we are a married couple.