24. Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Four
Mu Fanqing
Ifold my hands together, trying to mimic the hand motions that Chenghou is describing.
According to him, this specific positioning for my hand allows the magic flow through me more easily, but my tendons definitely protest bending my little finger that far back.
I have to admit; my heart is not quite in it which makes focusing difficult.
Shu left earlier this evening, and I have little doubt as to his whereabouts right now.
He is off at that Ghost Market, working to establish his trade.
It worries me to no end thinking about him out on those streets by himself.
Anything could happen while working with the criminal underworld, he could get killed over a deal going the wrong way. He could be spotted and recognized.
I’m sure those are dangers that Shu is accustomed to and that he has taken precautions against them, and yet Yanzhou has its own unique set of dangers.
There’s a shapeshifting monster hunting prey in the streets.
Not to mention my own sister and Ren Shang are out there trying to catch him.
He has no idea how intelligent Ehuang is.
Many people underestimate her because of how she acts, but she is really just as cunning as I am.
And Ren Shang has always been smart and capable.
Working together and they might just catch him.
And even if he is accustomed to the ordinary lowlifes, he doesn’t know how things operate here in Yanzhou. From the sound of his conversation with Quanyu, this is his first time being here. What if they operate differently here? How do I know that he is safe?
In the past he has had Quanyu at his side, but now Quanyu is outside my room guarding me.
So, who is going to guard Shu?
I grit my teeth with frustration, wondering why I feel it’s my place to worry about Shu. And yet, I cannot deny that I hate sitting here waiting for Shu to come home, wondering if tonight is perhaps the night that he won’t.
He isn’t even anything to me—little more than a glorified roommate—and yet I cannot shake the gnawing worry I feel eating me from the inside out.
I have the evening to myself; I have my dragon master in the room with me finally teaching me how to cast magic like a spirit and yet… I can’t get my mind off Shu.
I never had a hard time focusing on my cultivation in the past. I could spend hours in isolation, simply channeling magic through me and making my inner core stronger so that I could seamlessly control the flow of it without harming myself.
And yet here I sit, with centuries of forbidden knowledge at my fingertips, and I waste it worrying about a lowly smuggler.
It’s simply because I worry what will happen if he gets caught.
It has nothing to do with how caring and gentle he was with me earlier.
How he insisted on caring about me and fretted over my wound as though it was a dereliction on his part that I got hurt.
And he personally tended and bound up a simple scrape, making certain that I didn’t experience any discomfort.
I feel my cheeks stain warm and scoot away from the brazier that is apparently burning too hot.
It is just my misfortune to have married someone like Shu.
Who treats me so well that it fills my mind with forbidden thoughts.
I ought to be free to hate him properly instead of feeling conflicted and worrying about his safety.
“Are you even listening to me, girl?” Chenghou demands, looking up from where he is stretched across half the room. He got into that position, claiming that pretending to be a bracelet is too tiring and he wants to be big again.
Although large is relative given that he still has to be able to fit in this room. He’s still much smaller than he was in that mountain valley where he first offered to be my teacher.
I blink and glance down, realizing that my hands have stilled while thinking about Shu. I give my head a quick shake and turn back to him. “Go on.”
Chenghou’s tongue slithers out of his mouth and flicks in distaste as he studies me before he blinks once slowly and then returns to his lecture.
“As I was saying, all items in this world are subject to changing and capable of existing in many different forms. All you do when you wield magic is help them to realize that potential for change. And then force your will upon them instigating that change. It may be simplest to begin with fire since it is a catalyst for that change. It can make what is cold turn hot. Under its tempered flames wood becomes naught but ash. Through it air becomes smoke. It can even take a simple item and turn it into a beacon and a source of light. It is easy to light and so the change is relatively easy to accomplish.”
I nod once as Chenghou flicks his tail to the brazier, I can feel the air moving with his movement and suddenly the still embers burst forth into leaping flames.
“Even fire itself is in a constant state of change.”
Chenghou says that like that is a good thing, but isn’t that the problem with this world? Everything is in a constant state of change. We have immortality but never peace.
Our lives cannot be spent doing what we desire.
There are far too many responsibilities holding us back. To our society, to our family, to the emperor.
I was happy cultivating and even that could not last forever. Now I am trying to create a makeshift peace here as the Lady Xiao and I cannot help but fear that will also all come crashing down.
I realize now why I have been so enraged by learning that Shu is a smuggler, and it has little to do with the lying. After all, I have my own carefully concealed truths. Did we not sign a contract stating that we could have our secrets in this marriage?
It’s clear that smuggling is something he was doing long before I came along, I cannot fault him for beginning this venture while we were still strangers. If I think about it, it has almost nothing to do with me.
No, I am angry because of the risk it poses to Shu himself.
It is because Shu has become like a wall to me, a bastion protecting me in this turbulent storm of ever-changing life. He has made himself irreplaceable, and so I worry that someday I will have to replace him.
He has ensured that I am comfortable and not too disturbed in my daily activities. He has given me peace and space, never overstepping his bounds but always ready to step in when I am in trouble.
I hate his smuggling because it endangers him. It threatens the small harbor I have found where I am able to feel safe and have the freedom to pursue my own dreams.
Discovering that he is smuggling is like finding a crack in the wall I have been protecting myself with and knowing that it could all blow over in a windstorm leaving me once again alone and unprotected.
If he is caught then I will very likely be destroyed alongside him, especially if the dragon is discovered.
There will no longer be a Fourth Family; there will be no Lady Xiao, no money and manors.
All the comfort I have will be gone, ripped away in a second and there will be nothing I can do to stop it because none of it is truly mine.
All this comfort and security is actually Shu’s, which he then gives to me.
Without him, I would have nothing. And he is gambling it all away—he is gambling with his very safety—with his actions.
“You aren’t paying attention again!” Chenghou snaps.
I leap to my feet, shaking out my skirts to rid them of any ash that might have gotten on them from the brazier.
“Where are you going?” the dragon demands.
“I might not be able to ensure my own safety, but if I can protect Shu then it’s the same as protecting myself,” I state, throwing back my shoulders.
I don’t even know what I could possibly do to protect him; I just know that I can no longer stay here waiting and hoping he comes back home safely.
If the only way I can protect myself is to protect Shu, then I will not sit idly by and do nothing.
I don’t care if it interferes in his smuggling business and he gets mad. I’m going to go collect my husband and bring him home. Where he ought to be this late at night.
Chenghou tilts his head, disgust filtering across his features. “Him again? Why does everything go back to him? You know, I haven’t forgiven you for nearly squeezing the life out of me earlier. I am a great dragon not a common piece of jewelry—”
“Are you coming or not?” I ask, folding my arms.
Chenghou grumbles some indistinguishable phrases which I suspect may be some ancient form of cursing before he gets up and lumbers over to me. Each step he takes he shrinks a bit until he reaches my side and leaps into the air, flying up to me and encircling my wrist.
I pull my sleeve down to cover him, ignoring his golden glare before I stride across the room and slide open the door.
Quanyu is sitting on the stone floor outside, cross-legged playing some sort of game with himself with wooden cards.
A tall brazier behind him provides light to this part of the courtyard.
He looks up startled when I step out and frowns. “Were you talking to someone in there?”
“Come on,” I say as I stride past him.
He leaps to his feet, grabbing a handful of pieces and stuffing them into the front pocket of his hanfu. “Where are we going?” he asks as he hurries after me.
“To find Shu.”
Quanyu passes me, turning around to still speak to me while he walks backward. “Boss is investigating. It isn’t safe for you to go wandering around.”
I slow a step and arch my brow at him. “Which is why I am bringing you. Unless you doubt your ability to protect me.”
Quanyu puffs out his chest. “I’m the best swordsman in all of Da Xian. There is no one I can’t protect.”
“Perfect, I don’t have to worry about losing my liver then.” I start walking again.
Quanyu hesitates. “Shu works really well alone—”