Chapter 30 Braze
brAZE
She hates me now—or if not, she’s lost all respect for me.
Not that I fucking blame her, Braze thought, as he settled gingerly into the pilot’s chair of their long-range shuttle.
He’d changed back into his uniform—black leather trousers and a long-sleeved red shirt, but he didn’t feel normal again—not by a long shot.
Though the non-con manacles had been removed and he looked like himself again, he was forever changed.
He tried to concentrate on the physical instead of the emotional pain he felt. His ass was sore—there was no denying it. He was going to have to go home and take a bath in healing solution to ease the ache from where he’d been fucked.
But nothing hurt as much as Kaitlyn’s words, which he could still hear ringing in his head.
“I hurt him…shamed him. Our relationship will never be the same.”
Of course it would never be the same—she’d clearly lost respect for him now.
And Braze had lost respect for himself. He’d always been secretly ashamed of his desire to submit in the bedroom, but he’d never dreamed that his most private proclivities would come out in public.
He hadn’t minded playing Kaitlyn’s “husband” and submitting to her in private, but he shouldn’t have taken such obvious pleasure in letting her fuck him in front of the Court.
Shouldn’t have let myself come, he thought, feeling a fresh wave of self-loathing. If only the Empress hadn’t ordered Kaitlyn to take the cage off his cock! If only the Love Vine hadn’t given him such an overwhelming need to get penetrated and fucked!
Well, what’s done is done, he thought to himself.
When we get back to the Mother Ship, I’ll ask for a transfer.
It was time to end his time as a Protector and go back to being an Elite Assassin.
That way he could work in the shadows and never have to deal with public scenes like the one he’d just gone through again.
The problem was, the idea of leaving Kaitlyn—of letting some other male become her Protector—sent a wave of possessive fury through him. Part of him still claimed that she was his and no other male had better lay a finger on her!
Have to stop feeling that way—have to get over it, Braze told himself sternly. She can never be yours again—not after what happened. You have to let her go—let her find a male she can respect. End this now—break it off. You’ll both be better off.
It made his heart sore just to think of it, but Braze knew it was the only viable option. As soon as they got back to the Mother Ship, he was going to request a meeting with Commander Sylvan and ask to be transferred.
That way he could put this humiliation behind him—the same way he’d put his time on Yonnie Six as a bodyslave behind him—and he and Kaitlyn would never have to see each other again.
As painful as it was, it appeared to be the only way forward he could see.