16. Rashad
rashad
. . .
I was a free man. Out the pen and off house arrest for months.
I was just soaking it all in, but I was also growing restless.
Venus was becoming more and more annoying.
It was probably because I knew I never really wanted to be with her.
I questioned what I actually saw in her besides the pussy.
It was one of those things where circumstances influenced decisions.
One minute we were messing around, the next I was in jail and she was holding me down.
I wanted Zahara back. But she was tough, and I knew I’d have to come correct every step of the way with her.
Which is why I started making moves behind the scenes.
Jahsir and I racked up a nice chunk of change over the years.
It was my emergency fund that I never wanted to touch.
That’s why I had Jahsir hit me with some bread a few times.
He knew I’d pay it back. He also knew I was sitting on a lump sum for a rainy day.
Well, it was raining. It was time for me to put some shit into play.
So that’s what I did. I hoped Zahara could see that and be willing to give a nigga another chance.
We rapped for a few minutes after the club that day and ended up more locked in than we were before.
“So, what’s up with you, Ms. Zahara?”
“Nothing, Mr. Rashad.”
I grinned, leaning back in my chair as a smirk covered my face. “Then why you cheesin’ so hard? You missed me?”
Zahara gave a sharp little laugh and scoffed. “Please. Whatever affection I had for you disappeared the second you chose Venus over me.”
“I guess we jumping right on in.”
“I guess so.”
“You broke up with me, Zahara.”
“Yeah, after I found out you slept with her.”
“We were on a break,” I added defensively. “What was I supposed to do?”
“When you take a lunch break at work, do you go look for another job?”
“Yeah, some people do.” We both laughed.
“For real, Z, what should I have done?”
“Nothing,” she snapped. “You were supposed to take the time, make the changes I asked you to make, and come back ready to be the man I needed. But instead, you ran the streets with my brother, got wrapped up with Venus, and then landed yourself in jail.” She paused, and her voice got lower.
“Stupid ass…. Rashad. Damn.” She shook her head.
“Damn. Why I gotta be all that?”
“Four fucking years, gone. I loved you.”
“Z.” I reached out, touching her hand.
“I had your back, and all I wanted in return was for you to grow up.”
“I’m not here to make excuses. I was young... and I was dumb, but I’m grown now.”
“Well, I’ve moved on.”
She took a long sip of her cocktail, attempting to avoid my gaze. Her fingers tapped restlessly against the table, soft but steady. Her body was telling me everything I needed to know.
“Have you?” I asked gently. She didn’t respond right away. Just set her drink down a little too carefully. “If you really had, Zahara, you wouldn’t be here right now.”
She exhaled slowly, keeping her face neutral. “I’m here having a drink. With a friend. Nothing more, nothing less.”
I leaned in a little, staring into her eyes. “Is that what we are now? Friends?” The breeze drifted between us. Her lips twitched like she was fighting a smile, but her eyes stayed guarded.
“Zahara, real talk. I’m sorry I hurt you,” I spoke truthfully. “I mean that. I’ve changed. And if you let me... I’ll show you.”
“You always did know how to talk. But can you follow through? I am a very grown woman. You can’t just tell me anything, and I jump on board. Are you done with the lifestyle that got you locked up in the first place?”
“More or less, yeah.”
“See Rashad, I can’t-”
“To answer your question, I don’t have any active gigs planned. And no, I don’t plan on taking anything on. But if Jahsir need my help wi-”
She sighed, either in frustration or disappointment. “Your loyalty has always been to my brother.”
“And vice versa. Z, we’re not going to go out here and do no dumb shit, especially with him trying to stay under the radar. But with the shit we’ve done, can we truly say we are out of the ‘lifestyle’? That’s why I answered the question that way.”
“Crimson was devastated when y’all left. I was, too. I imagine I would have taken it harder if you and I were still together. I want to grow and eventually have a family, too. I can’t do that with you if I am always waiting for something to go wrong.”
“Let me show you something.” I opened my phone and pulled up a few pictures from my gallery.
“What’s this, and where is this?”
“It’s mine. I just closed on it a week ago. I’m opening my own tattoo shop in Calhoun Heights.”
“You’re leaving Mulholland Falls?”
“I am.”
Zahara rested her elbows on the table and folded her hands under her chin. She looked off into the distance and sat silently. Her eyes watered, but instead of explaining her emotions, she put on a smile and said,
“Good for you, Rashad. Good for you.” She smiled. “What are you going to do next?”
“Beg you to come with me.”
“I mean, today.” She cleared her throat. “What are you doing for the rest of the evening?"
“Meeting up with Jahsir, but that can change if you want it to.”
“Rashad. I need time to process all of this. I’m not ready to jump fully back in with you, but I am also not ready to lose you…again.”
“Take all the time you need.”
She didn’t say anything. Just sat there, holding the smile that was keeping her from falling apart. I didn’t push. I just nodded, gave her hand a squeeze, and let the silence close the evening.
By the time I hit the parking lot, the breeze had picked up. I slid into the driver’s seat, shut the door, and just sat there for a second. My heart was still back at that table with Zahara.
She wasn’t ready, I could respect that, but she didn’t walk away, either.
To me, that meant something. She was still listening and looking at me like maybe there was a version of us worth saving.
That alone lit something in me I hadn’t felt in a minute.
Hope. Real hope. I started the car and pulled off, the city rolling by in a blur of streetlights, my past life, and future memories.
Zahara and I had history, pain, and time working against us.
But now, I had something I didn’t have before: clarity and purpose.
I wasn’t just trying to survive anymore; I was working on building something.
My tattoo shop in Calhoun Heights was mine and the blueprint to my clean slate.
Not just because it was legit, but because it felt like me .
Someone I’d been trying to become for years.
I hoped she’d believe I was serious and that I wasn’t just talking. I was showing up differently now, and I was more than ready to put her first. My phone buzzed, killing my thoughts of Zahara the minute I answered it.
[Me]: Yo.
[Jahsir]: You close?
[Me]: Pulling up.
I turned onto Reaping Dr. and spotted him standing outside his ride in the parking lot. Jahsir stood with his arms crossed, always looking like he was halfway between ready for war and ready for peace. That was my brother. I parked, hopped out, and dapped him up.
“Bout time,” he said with a smirk.
“Had to handle something first,” I replied, locking the car behind me. I got into his, and he lit his blunt. He raised an eyebrow but didn’t press. He never did.
“Bro, I gotta holla at you about something,” he said, passing the blunt after he’d just taken two pulls.
“What’s on your mind?”
“Venus.”
I laughed, taking a slow pull. “What else is new? You never really fucked with her anyway.”
“True. Only tolerated her ‘cause of you and Red. But she been moving funny for a minute now.”
“You know I don’t get involved in Crim’s life. If I did, y’all wouldn’t have even happened.”
He shrugged. “That was a loss you had to take. I was never letting Crimson go.”
“Shit, I feel you. Hope you feel the same about me and Zahara.”
“I don’t get in Zahara’s business. But before you go there, close that door…which brings this full circle. Venus is foul.”
“You lettin’ Crimson get in your head,”
“Crimson doesn’t even know half of what her homegirl did to her.”
“What she do, man?” I asked, my curiosity completely piqued.
He turned to me, eyes focused even in the dim light. “You remember when I told you to send Red that 15K?”
“Yeah. Venus and my moms set that up. Said it was handled.”
He shook his head slowly. “Nah, bro. It wasn’t. Crimson never saw a dime. I talked to Ruby-”
I straightened up. “Hold up. You spoke to my moms? For what, nigga? Why didn’t you come to me first?”
“Because these hoes got you blind. And the way you let Venus move around you? I have never seen anything like it. I couldn’t risk her feeding you lies and you just rolling with it.”
“What did my moms say?”
“She claimed she knew nothing about 15K. Said she had bills and you needed money on your books.”
“What?!”
“Word. So here’s what I think: Venus gave her a little cut and kept the rest for herself. That’s between y’all to figure out. But for me? It’s not even about the money anymore. It’s the principle. She played her friend, lied to you, and she’s still out here smiling like nothing happened.”
I stared at the lake, the water catching pieces of moonlight like it was trying to eavesdrop.
“That's it?” I asked.
He paused. “She set Crimson and Que up.”
I turned to him fast. “Man, fuck outta here. Venus ain’t do no shit like that.”
“On my father’s grave,” he said, steady. “She did. When Red finally told me Que was her baby daddy, she said Venus introduced them, practically pushed her into his arms.”
“Knowing we had beef with Que? You sure?”
“Positive. And all that pressure she put on you to keep Crim off your visitation list?”
“She didn’t pressure me-”
“Nigga, yes, she did. You had a lapse in judgment. But I’m here now, telling you to clear your head and wake up. Venus is a snake.”
“What you want me to do? Cuz my impulsivity is what got me locked up. I lost 4 years of my life. I’m not doing that shit again. If I find out Venus on some bullshit…shit, the only way to kill a snake-”
“Is to cut the head off. I feel you. But that's where you can decide to move differently. Bro, I know niggas grow, so I'm not asking you to be that nigga you once were, reckless with no questions asked. But I am telling you, if a portion of the old you don’t make an appearance, shit gon get even more out of control. And I won’t be here to clean it up.”
“Where are you going?”
“Back to Monaco. I gotta get Crimson and Scarlett out of here. I can feel she’s ready to thrive. We can’t do that here if I can’t trust the people around her.”
“That’s what's up.”
I sat there, silent, the blunt burning slowly between my fingers.
“Bro,” I said finally. “You had no right going to my mama. I ain’t feeling that.”
Jahsir nodded. “Maybe I overstepped. But I’ll tell you this: feel how you feel. I’ll respect it. Just respect this, too. Crimson is my woman, and right now, it looks like I’m the only one protecting her. If that means doing shit you don’t like? So be it.”
The blunt was out now, and neither of us moved to relight it. The lake lapped against the rocks outside, calm as ever, but inside that car, the air was thick with my anger.
“So where do we go from here?”
“We don’t do anything. You keep your head clear and focused on your tattoo shop.
By the way, I never fully told you congratulations.
That shit is dope, boi!” We collided knuckles in the car.
“But I’m getting ready to ride down on Que.
He had something to do with the bank robbery. I’m not letting shit else slide.”
“Nah, we riding down on Que.” I reiterated.
“No doubt.” Jahsir nodded as he pulled off. “I know exactly where he is.”
I stared out at the water as my mind raced.
Nothing was adding up. The money, the visits, Que, everything Venus intervened in hurt Crimson.
I’ll admit, I’d brushed off so much over the years just because I was overwhelmed.
I let Venus take over. I told myself Venus had my back and that she was solid.
I let her tie up loose strings, move my money around, and even communicate for me.
That’s what stung most. I put her in the position to play me like a fool. But not anymore.
I didn’t say a word, but something inside me changed.
I was already not feeling her as much, and this little piece of information nailed the coffin shut.
The version of me that let shit slide died with this conversation.
Venus was in for it; I was on her ass now. Shit was about to change, all of it.