Chapter 2
two
. . .
Crimson
When I entered her home, the whiff of smoked turkey hit my nostrils, reminding me I hadn't eaten today. And probably still wouldn’t knowing my aunt's stingy ass. The faint sound of Whitney Houston’s I Have Nothing hummed in the background.
And while the savory scent of food floated in the air, I could also smell a hint of Fabuloso.
She must’ve been in her zone today, cooking and cleaning.
Maybe she was in a good enough mood to give me a break , I hoped.
“Hey, Auntie. Where’s my baby girl at?” I asked, taking my shoes off. Auntie Ruby never allowed shoes in her house. She was also a germaphobe and kept Lysol on the table by the door and hand sanitizer.
“Hey there. You made it just in time. Scarlett is upstairs sleeping. I just put her down. Do you have my money? It's Friday, I know you got paid,” she announced.
Damn, she was annoying as hell. She counted my money more than I did. I never had a chance to see a full check because the payday loans would snatch my money at midnight, then here she came asking for her cut.
“I’m getting ready to Zelle it to you now. $400, right?”
“You mean $1400.”
“Auntie. Can you please cut me some slack? You’re charging me $400 to watch Scarlett, and all she does is sleep and pee. Then you’re charging me a stack to lay my head in your attic. I’ll never be able to save or catch up, for that matter, if I'm giving you my whole check.”
“You mean the attic that has been converted into a one-bed and one-bath apartment? You already getting a discount. I should be charging you more. Before you moved in, I was planning to rent it out for $1800.”
$1800 for a one-bedroom is insanity , I thought. “Yes, it's decent for sure. And I appreciate it, but-”
“I'll tell you what.” She added, cutting me off. “Why don’t you put Scarlett in daycare and pay them triple what you are paying me. You can also go somewhere and pay market rent since you are complaining about a measly thousand dollars! Whatever you decide, I need my money now; I’m on my way to play bingo. ”
“I can only spare $700 right now. I have to keep myself and Scarlett fed.”
“When you get the rest, add another $100 to that. Consider that your late fee. I’m just preparing you for the real world, Crimson, it ain't personal.”
“Sure as hell feels that way,” I mumbled.
“Are you eating dinner here tonight? I made turkey wings, wild rice, cornbread, and lima beans.”
My face was filled with shock when that lady offered me something to eat.
When I say that she was money hungry and charged for everything, it was an understatement.
The fact that she cooked this big meal and was offering me some was insane.
Hell, when we were growing up, she calculated what they gave her for stamps, and how much they gave her for me.
She bought me food with my portion only and I better not ask for shit else when I ran out.
“Yeah, auntie, I’mma make a plate. Thank you.”
“Okay, I’m gone. Lock up.”
T he past week seemed to have flown by. Auntie Ruby appeared to be in a better mood all week.
She was extremely helpful, which she always is.
But she was supportive without complaining, snide remarks, or draining my pockets in the process.
I knew something had to be up when she agreed to watch Scarlett while I went to the BBQ, and she let me use her car.
She probably won at the casino or playing bingo , I thought.
She had a glow about her, too, so she probably had a new man as well.
Either way, I wasn’t questioning it. I was riding the wave of her happiness, which decreased my stress for the time being.
My first time out since Scarlett was born, and I must admit I was self-conscious.
I was thicker, which wasn’t a problem; I welcomed the curves my little angel gave me.
It was this stubborn ass belly fat and these overly juicy titties that had me on edge.
I dressed my body the best way I knew how.
I wanted to be comfortable and sexy at the same time.
I threw on some cut-up jeans, a graphic tee, and some Air Maxs.
Being ‘broke’ made me grateful that I knew how to do my own hair.
After some mousse and rods, my curls were popping.
After applying my Fenty gloss, I stepped out of the car and was immediately greeted by the aroma of BBQ smoke and marijuana smoke.
It was indeed a backyard party. The music blasted on the speakers and immediately, I felt the energy.
A small crowd lingered out in front. I spoke, then made my way past them, ready to absorb the good vibes.
“BFF!” Venus shouted and waved from the grill. Her dad was hard at work while she danced with a plate in her hands. I waved back and headed over to her. “You made it. And looking the fuck goodT.”
“Hey, Mr. Barnes.” I greeted her dad and gave him a one-armed hug.
“You look good too, girl. I wasn’t expecting so many people to be here.
” I added. The crowd was larger than normal, folks were louder, and even the music seemed to blare over the speakers with an intense thud.
My anxiety was going into overdrive because everything screamed at me to run.
I assessed the scene. Clearly, I was the only one tripping. Everybody else was having a good time.
“See, this is what happens when you isolate yourself from the world. Baby, you look scared as hell, okayyy! You need a drink. Follow me, but leave all that anxious shit behind.”
Venus was right. I had started to sweat, playing all of the worst-case scenarios in my head.
Any second now, the grill was gonna blow, just like at the end of Final Destination 2.
Or maybe a fight would break out, somebody would start shooting, and I'd get popped. I'd bleed out right here, and Scarlett, oh my God, she’d grow up without a mother. And without a father too since Que wasn’t shit.
She’d be left with my aunt, just like I was, wondering if her family even loved her.
She’d feel like a burden, and then- Crimson, stop!
I screamed in my head. Anxiety had me in a chokehold as always.
I literally had to talk out loud to myself in order for it to release its claws from my neck.
Ever since Scarlett was born, my mind had become my worst enemy.
Not today. Not today. I reminded myself again as we headed toward the bar area Venus had set up.
“What do you want, girl?”
“Lemme get Bacardi and pineapple juice,” I replied, leaning on the makeshift bar. Her cousin filled the red cup and handed me my drink. Immediately, I took a sip. “Venus, it's too lit out here. It feels like a block club party, girl.”
Venus laughed, and I couldn’t quite figure out why. She had some sort of agenda, and I was not in on it. Her eyes were very telling, and she had a mischievous sparkle in them.
“Brace yourself boo.” She smiled as she took my drink from me. “Look over there, at the banner.”
“The banner?” My eyes circled the yard until I zoomed in on the banner hanging above the patio door. “Welcome home?”
Venus grinned and went into full-blown laughter at my confusion. But then, a familiar voice, clear and smooth, called my name. I’d know that voice over any speaker or crowd chatter. My head snapped around and zoomed in on my cousin, who sifted through the sea of people with ease and command.
“Rashad?.....Shad?!” I gasped. My cousin, whom I had not seen in 4 years, was standing before me and looking amazing.
He was leaner, rocking a fresh cut, shorts, a white tee, and some colorful weed socks.
He maneuvered through the crowd at snail speed.
I stood frozen, taking it in and making sure this wasn’t some lucid dream.
I was hit with joy, confusion, relief, and pity all at once.
My cousin had his freedom snatched from him, and while I was happy he was home, I couldn’t help but wonder what he endured.
“Crimmm, what's good lil cuz?”
“It's really you!” I cried as tears slipped out of my eyes. Embracing him, I collapsed onto his chest. “You look good, cousin.”
“How can you tell, you won’t let him go, girl?” Venus added with a chuckle.
“It's been a minute, huh?” Shad smiled, giving me a once-over. “You are beautiful as always.”
“Thank You!! Oh My God, I literally cannot believe you are home! Does Auntie Ruby know?”
“Yeah, she knows! You thought she agreed to hold on to the baby for free for nothing?”
“Clearly not.” We both laughed. Only Shad knew how money hungry his mama was. People automatically assumed she’d give me leeway because I was family, but she was tight on money with him, too.
We posted up in the backyard under a canopy of string lights.They flickered against the evening haze adding to the ambiance.
Then, the street lights started to come on.
A flood of memories washed over me. The air was heavy with the smell of Thai Charcoal and the echo of old Prince songs filled the atmosphere.
Venus’ dad was still manning the grill which made the choice of music apparent.
Happiness and the sound of clinking ice drifted through the warm night.
I wanted to be present and enjoy the scene, but was too busy thinking about Rashad.
My eyes were locked on him. Rashad sat leaned back in a white lawn chair, relaxed like he’d never left.
With one ankle resting on his knee he sipped from his red cup clearly enjoying himself.
Damn I didn’t want to be the one to dredge up memories of prison, especially since he had just got out. But I had to know.
“Was it bad Shad? Prison life?”
“Naw. I already had clout, Crim. That shit was a cakewalk,” he said, cracking open a can of Sprite. “I didn’t let it go to my head, though. I earned my respect with the old heads, and just stayed solid the whole time.”