Desperately Yours (Nolcovian Chronicles #2)

1. Chapter 1

Fitz

F ury rose within my chest, the cry of ancestors gone before me who’d faced greater barriers than this. I steeled my voice and tried again.

“Move aside, by order of your prince.”

Dahlia stood her ground outside Michaela’s door, unphased by my show of royal power. “Apologies, Your Highness. She’s sleeping and the doctors insist that she—”

“And I do not wish to wake her,” I interrupted Michaela’s lady’s maid. “I only want to see her to know that she’s still healing.”

“It’s highly improper for a man to enter an unmarried woman’s chambers, Your Highness. I’m afraid I can’t permit it.”

She was the equivalent of a stone wall in human form. No matter the direction I tried, she shut me down and beat me back with excuses. I’d tried to see Michaela five other times, but each time I was met with her routine. Trying diplomacy, I allowed Dahlia to control the flow of traffic, but after a night of fitful dreams, I refused to let one more moment go by without seeing Coco.

“You do know who I am, yes?” I squinted at her, trying to ascertain if this was simply a miscommunication or a deliberate attempt to bar me from the room. “I hardly think I qualify as some rogue who might take advantage. If you are still concerned, stay in the room and chaperone.”

“Your Highness…” For the first time, she flinched, as if I had found the weakness in her armor. “I know who you are, and I understand your order, but…”

The truth became clear in an instant.

“My mother,” I finished for her. The queen’s orders outranked mine. “She asked you to keep me away.” Not a question. No place for speculation. My statement needed no confirmation, and yet she gave it with a slight nod of her head.

“It’s not meant to harm you or Michaela. She’s worried you might overtax her and set back her recovery.”

“Yes,” I barely kept my anger at bay, “I’m sure that’s what she’s worried about.” Without a word of goodbye, I turned away and headed for my room. It had only been a day since Michaela was found, but it felt like a week. The short moment I held her in my arms by the sinkhole wasn’t long enough. I might go mad waiting for my mother to release her hold on Michaela’s freedom.

I nodded at the night guards as I passed them on the way to my chambers. I played by the rules, but if Mother wanted to change the playbook, I would adjust mine as well. If I waited long enough, Dahlia would retire for the night and I could slip into Michaela’s room by way of the bookcase. I hadn’t taken the chance yet. No one but the royal family knew about the tunnel network, but Mother had put my back against the wall, and nothing would keep me away at this point.

I wasn’t lying. All I wanted was a moment with her. Confirmation that she was still breathing and there were no other complications to her struggle. I ached to be in her presence, and nothing would assuage the misery but to feel her near me.

“Your Highness?” Kabir fell in step beside me, matching my determined stride. After all our years together, he read me like a book. I had no doubt he sensed the rebellion in me. “Important business?”

“You don’t need to worry about it. Shouldn’t you be with Michaela?”

“I’m afraid her lady’s maid has barred me from the room. By the order of the queen.” He paused a moment as if thinking and then added, “I wager by your eager step that you had the same treatment?”

“That’s a safe bet, my friend.” I cast a glance his way, remembering at once his injury from the earthquake. “Should you even be here? I thought I gave you leave.”

We turned down the final hallway that led to my chambers. A window at the end of the hall put the city on display, a splattering of twinkling lights on an onyx background. More of the day had expired than I thought. Maybe I didn’t have to wait much longer to use the tunnel. Time had gotten away from me.

Kabir held his hurt arm up as if to show he had recovered. It would have been far more convincing if not for the black brace still latched to his forearm. “Ready to work, Your Highness.” My face must have betrayed my doubt because he frowned and tried again. “I rested while she was lost, but when she returned, I followed.”

A simple statement, but it summed up his loyalty completely.

“Thank you, Kabir.” I stopped outside my chamber doors, hesitating with my hand on the knob. “Stay as close to her as you can. I worry the danger has not passed.”

Kabir straightened to full attention. “Yes, Your Highness.”

“Tell me if you see anything concerning.”

He nodded slowly, understanding what I hadn’t said. “Lady Michaela has made enemies inside and outside of the palace walls, I fear.”

“My thoughts exactly.” I said no more and quickly entered my chambers, more determined than ever to see Coco. In the night hours, the only light inside my chambers came from the large windows where the full moon’s light streamed through. I had long ago memorized the layout and left the other lights off, enjoying the feeling of being under the cover of darkness. My stride lengthened as I crossed the living section of my chambers.

Too much had been left unsaid. Michaela deserved to know how I felt. Forget the laws. My bedroom waited in total darkness, but I didn’t need help finding the painting that led to the passageway. Dahlia could watch me step out from behind the bookcase and maybe in her fright she might think I was a spirit there to haunt her and would flee in terror. At least then I would be alone with Michaela until she returned with a guard. With any luck, I could slip out before I was discovered and let her tales become another palace fable. My fingers wrapped around the edge of the frame, ready to release the latch that held it in place.

My corner lamp flicked on, bathing the room in an eerie glow.

“I knew it.” Mother’s voice jarred me from my thoughts, transforming me into a young boy caught while up to no good. “I haven’t used the tunnels in ages, but I knew you were getting around my guards somehow.”

I turned and found her sitting in the chair in the corner, dressed in black from head to toe, a gown ready for a funeral at a moment’s notice.

“You’ve been guarding me?” It shouldn’t have surprised me. Mother had been employing the guards as her personal spies for years, but never once had she used them against me. At least not to my knowledge. Not until now.

“Someone has to make sure the kingdom isn’t destroyed under your watch. Obviously, you can’t be trusted when it comes to that girl.”

“That woman ,” I corrected her, “has done more good for this country in the short time she’s been here than you have all of your years on the throne.” It was a stretch, but in my blistering anger, I didn’t care to fact check.

“Watch yourself, Leonidas. You might say something you regret.” Her eyes narrowed, like a snake preparing to strike. “After all, one word from the queen and the doctors will insist your Coco goes home to recover.”

She always knew the thread to pull when it came to unraveling my confidence. I was the Crown Prince, but she was still the queen in power.

Carefully, I chose my words before I spoke again. “You can’t keep her from me forever, Mother. There is still a competition at play. I gave her a charm. The people are clamoring to hear her side of the story. If we don’t allow it, the unrest will only grow.”

Her cheeks sucked in on either side as she considered the veiled threat. That was the word in the city. Everyone wanted to know what happened when Michaela fell. News stations were begging for the story and holding back wouldn’t bode well for the royal family. Not when too many were already searching for conspiracies to chase. Last I heard, some believed it was a hoax. Others believed but doubted the timeline. A few said the queen pushed her. At this point, if I didn’t know the truth, I might have believed that one over the others.

“We will do the interview, but,” her long finger came up, casting a shadow on the wall behind her like a spirit from beyond offering a warning alongside her, “it will be according to my rules. No talk of your time in America. No endearing stories from your shared youth.” She pointed her finger at me. “And you will not set foot in front of the camera. One look at you and they’ll think you’re a lovesick fool for this girl.”

I squared my shoulders and faced her directly. “And what if I am, Mother? What then?”

She shrugged. “You can’t be, Leonidas. You promised you wouldn’t fall in love with her on the condition of her coming here. And I know my son always keeps his promises.” The muscles in her face relaxed, almost forming a smile, but the slightest tension remained, letting me know it was a trap. “Just like I know you won’t use the passageway to get to her either.”

“And how do you know that?” My bravery waned, more afraid than I wanted to admit over what she might say.

“Because I have instructed Dahlia to stay with your Michaela around-the-clock. No one outside our family is to know about the passages. That has kept us safe for generations.” Her voice chilled. “And because if I do find out that you have been breaking your promises, you will never see your American friend again.”

I frowned. “You’ll send her back to America? You know I can charter a flight anywhere in the—”

“And that will be useful, if you were able to find her again, but, Son, if you push me, I swear she will cease to exist.”

Silence filled the space between us. Had she just threatened to kill Michaela? Could she do that? It was definitely within her power to deport her or destroy her reputation, but make her disappear?

I didn’t want to believe she had it in her. Likely sensing my defeat, she rose from the chair and walked to the doorway that separated my bedroom from the rest of the chambers. Hesitating, she turned back to face me. “I do hate being a stickler, but I need you to confirm that you understand what I’m telling you.” Her head inclined slightly toward me, as if she were looking down at a child. “You do understand, don’t you, Leonidas?”

Never once had I enjoyed the feeling of being trapped by an opponent. Not in chess. Not on the debate team when Oliver Sartoris caught me in a bluff. And definitely not with my controlling mother. And yet, I had no ground to stand on. No foreseeable way around the roadblock she threw up.

“I understand.” I hated every syllable of my response. It sounded too much like: You win, Mother.

“Thank you, darling.” She feigned a yawn. “My, it is late. I think I’ll retire. Goodnight, Leo. I love you.”

She waited, leaving the air uncomfortable and forced. I had a part to play and my skin crawled thinking about the way she could control me.

“Goodnight, Mother.” I clenched my jaw then released it. “I love you too.”

Looking away, I didn’t see her pleasure at my distress and defeat, but I heard it in her voice.

“Good boy, Leonidas.”

I remained still until she left the room. The painting called to me, begging me to take the chance and try the passage, but the risk was too great. Instead, I repeated my answer in my head.

You can’t keep her from me forever, Mother.

Michaela

I couldn’t stop seeing the fall.

Over and over again, it played in my mind. The sinkhole as it opened, the feeling of nothing to stand on, little Leila’s cry of fright and her arms as they clenched around my neck.

And his eyes.

The desperation and fear crackled between us as he realized there was no way he could get to me in time.

I thought I would die.

We crashed into rock sooner than I thought and pain was all I knew. An outcropping of stone prevented Leila and me from falling into the depths of the cavern. Without thinking, I covered her body with mine to shield her from the falling debris and dirt. Time made no sense there. Every moment stretched into eons and yet, without light or interaction, I had no way to judge. All I knew was when the dirt finally settled, we had a small cavern of air packed in by dirt and rock on every side.

I shook my head and blinked my eyes, wishing I could stop thinking about it.

“M’lady?” It didn’t matter how many times I asked Dahlia to call me Mick, she insisted on the title. “I have your soup.”

Using my palms, I pushed myself up to a sitting position, surprised again by how much I had healed in such a short amount of time. It had been only a day since Fitz had pulled me out, but every hour I felt stronger. That had to be, at least in part, due to the miracle soup.

Dahlia shifted the tray across my lap and went about readying the meal. Silver spoon, a mug of something dark and brothy, and then the bowl that had been filled to the limit with the soup I’d been eating every two to three hours around-the-clock. The broth had a green tint to it, off-putting at first, but I recognized at least thirty-five percent of the vegetables that bobbed in the slightly creamy depths. Ginger, orange, and other scents I didn’t know before Nolcovia curled into my nostrils, welcoming me back like a friend I’d come to appreciate. I always started with a carrot. At least I knew what that was.

“Lady Sadira is at the door,” Dahlia spoke slowly and pronounced every word as if I wouldn’t understand. “Do you have energy to talk with her?”

“Yes, of course.” I set the spoon aside and picked up the slice of bread instead. Dahlia left me and returned quickly with Sadie behind her. Though I was still weak, I smiled at my benefactor as she came into view. “I know I didn’t believe you when you offered, but this soup has been nothing short of a miracle.”

Sadie blushed under the praise and gave a short curtsy. “I’m pleased your strength is returning, m’lady.”

I avoided her strict adherence to cultural propriety and went back to the subject at hand. “I’ve never been one for alternative medicine, but this has made all the difference.”

The mattress depressed as Sadie took a seat on the edge of my bed. “It’s been a powerful tool in my village against injuries and illness.”

Apothecary. It wasn’t a term I knew very well a day ago. But when doctors wanted to check me into the hospital, Sadie offered her services privately. She worked as a healer of sorts in her small village and she knew a soup that could restore my strength.

It wasn’t exactly something I was planning to sell to Campbell’s, but once I got past the odd flavors, the benefits couldn’t be beat. I braced myself and ate a small spoonful. Sadie laughed softly as I winced.

“The flavors are…” I couldn’t think of a word that wouldn’t be offensive.

“Horrendous,” she offered. “And if I told you what was in it—”

“Please don’t,” I stopped her early. “In fact, you can keep that secret to yourself, okay?”

Her head bowed forward. “As you wish.” When her chin came up again, she wore an uncharacteristically large smile. “I can’t tell you how positively chuffed I am to see you brightening again. The prince will be pleased you’re healing.”

I focused on my soup, unsure of what to say. We were interested in the same guy. Anything I said would sound either petty or prideful. Thankfully, Dahlia wasn’t one for silence.

“He was just here again,” Dahlia announced, “but fret not, I sent him away once more so you could rest, just like the other five times.”

“Five?” Sadie and I asked in unison. Our eyes met a second later, the awkwardness heavy in the air. Our tones and words mirrored each other, but I knew our motivations were vastly dissimilar.

“Yes, but I am under strict orders by the queen herself not to let him disturb you so that you can rest.” Dahlia crossed her arms over her chest like a bodyguard, positively pleased with her attention to the rules. “And look how you’ve recovered.”

“Yes.” I hid my disappointment. Between my own weakness, and Dahlia’s vigilant protection, I hadn’t found any time to see Fitz. To be honest, I was worried he was mad at me since he hadn’t come to visit, but knowing he’d come five times… I couldn’t help the way my thoughts ran away with the possible implications of what that meant.

“He’s going to pick you,” Sadie assured me before she looked away. “For a moment, I thought maybe he would choose me,” she shook her head and cut her words short, “but watching him search for you… and then when he pulled you free of the…” She couldn’t finish. Straightening her shoulders, she focused her stare on the window where the sun had long since set. “Of course it wouldn’t be me. Such a vain hope.”

“I—I’m not—” I wasn’t sure how to proceed. Her feelings for him were real and my guilt became palpable. “He was going to send me home at the next choosing ceremony before the earthquake happened.” Her head whipped around to stare at me, confused but curious, so I explained more. “The prince told me his plans during the festival so I could prepare. The trip home takes a little more work for me, after all. If I hadn’t fallen—”

Her lips parted with hope, but she didn’t say a word about it. Instead, she rubbed her hands together in her lap. “The last choosing ceremony never happened.”

I frowned. “So, he might still send me home once the next—”

“No,” she interrupted me, tired at even the thought of it. “Prince Leonidas was so distraught, he made all of his decisions in the moment. Some felt it was… unfair, considering his emotional state. After all, he sent home four last time. There are only three of us left.”

It wasn’t hard math. Sadie, me, and… someone. Blair? He had such a strong connection with her. Maybe she stayed. Chantal had stuck it out despite everything stacked against her, and then there was Gwen who’d served as his backup plan since the beginning.

“Who did he…” It didn’t feel right to ask. As if they were lingering in the hall and might overhear the gossip. But, again, Dahlia had no such reservations.

“The prince sent home anyone who didn’t aid in the rescue efforts.” Dahlia ticked them off on her fingers one by one. “Chantal, Dagny, Gwendolyn, and Blair were all asked to leave.”

My lips parted in surprise. “Gwen and Blair?” I added up the rest and my eyes widened. “He kept Esmerey?”

“Yes,” Sadie whispered, her tone tilted toward loathing. “She’s still here and she’s more hands-on than ever.”

“But why would he keep her?” Last I’d talked to him, she was one of the top names on the chopping block.

“Because, m’lady,” Dahlia spoke as if I were stupid, “she saved so many children. She selflessly rescued them one by one, putting her own life at risk and—”

“We all made sacrifices that day, Dahlia,” Sadie snapped. As if she knew it was too harsh, she pinned her lips together and exhaled through her nose. “I’m only suggesting that perhaps one day isn’t enough to judge a person’s entire character, that’s all.”

My heart went out to her. I’d felt so much of what she was feeling after I saw her with Fitz. Jealousy wasn’t a good color on anyone, but we all wore it eventually. Was it horrible of me to want to tell her tough luck, I saw him first? It wasn’t wrong, but it also wasn’t my choice. I couldn’t force Fitz to pick between me or his country. Sadie was still an option that would give him both love and his kingdom.

But Esmerey?

He couldn’t be serious.

Maybe he hit his head during the earthquake.

“What’s next? A competition? A party? Some confessional where we have to spill our guts on live television?” That was all I knew about reality TV. They needed drama, or they’d make it themselves.

“We’ve been waiting on you,” Sadie confessed. “Leo won’t continue or even hear of making a choice until you’re healed. There was supposed to be a banquet dinner last night, but since you aren’t well yet…”

Like a match flicking to life, her real motivations became clear. Here, I thought sweet Sadie went out of her way to feed me her secret soup because she cared about me. She did, I was sure of it, but I was also just as sure that at least a part of her purpose was helping me recover faster so she could get me out of the way.

I forced a smile. “You can report back that your medicines have worked. I’m ready to start again.”

Any negativity fled her expression. “Splendid. Dahlia, will you take the news to her majesty’s lady’s maid?”

“Right away, Sadie.” Dahlia didn’t bother to curtsy, just turned and made her exit quickly.

Sadie rested her hand on my blankets, warming my leg through the covers. “It’s going to be magical from here on out. I’m so excited you get to be with me through it all.”

“Of course. We can even get ready together. I’m sure I have a dress for you too.”

Her excitement spilled over as she gushed over my skills as a designer. She stood and hurried to my armoire, eager to point out the dress she hoped to wear. I nodded, more than willing to play along. Sadie thought everything would be the same as before. In her mind, I would help her shine while I stood in the shadows. But something had changed in me. Survival had left me with a knowledge of what I stood to lose.

Bishop was right.

It was time I started to actually play this game.

I had a prince’s heart to win.