Chapter 16
Nova
I’m still sitting on the bed, phone in my hand, staring at the door Rane just stumbled through.
What the fuck was that?
I can still feel where his chest pressed against my shoulder. Still smell whatever soap he uses—something warm, a little spicy. Still hear the way his voice went rough when he said my name.
And I looked at his mouth. I looked at his lips like—
No. Stop. That was nothing. He was just close. People get close sometimes. It doesn’t mean anything.
Except my heart is still pounding and I can still smell him and I kind of want him to come back.
Fuck.
This isn’t just about being close.
It felt like… I don’t know, like I wanted to kiss him. Like I wanted to get closer.
I think.
I’m honestly not sure what that feels like.
I shove that thought down so hard it should leave a bruise.
The phone is still warm in my hand. I look at the screen, swipe up like Rane showed me. The contacts are right there. Five names. Five numbers. Five people who rearranged their schedules so I wouldn’t be alone on my first day. Who feed me without making it weird. Who are always just… there.
I don’t know what to do with that. I don’t know what to do with any of this.
A knock at the door.
I shove the phone under my pillow like I was doing something wrong, which is stupid because I wasn’t, and say, “Yeah?”
The door opens and Beckett’s standing there. He looks—different. There’s something in his expression I haven’t seen before. Almost like he’s trying not to smile.
“Someone’s here for you,” he says.
“What?”
“Downstairs.”
He doesn’t explain. Just steps back and waits for me to follow.
I get up, suddenly aware that I’m still in the same joggers I slept in, hair probably a disaster. But Beckett’s already heading down the hall, so I grab the phone and follow.
The living room is full and everyone’s acting like they have a secret.
Kyron’s on the couch with his phone but he keeps glancing up.
Vaelor’s in the kitchen doorway, arms crossed, trying to look relaxed.
Rane won’t look at me at all, which makes my face warm for reasons I’m not examining.
Locke’s standing by the window. Beckett drifts past me to the armchair like he wasn’t just playing escort.
And in the middle of all of them, grinning like she’s won the lottery, is Zoe.
“There she is!” She crosses the room and grabs my hands before I can react. “I’m stealing you.”
“Stealing me?”
“Shopping. Lunch. Girl time.” She tugs me toward the door. “You’ve been drowning in testosterone for almost two weeks. You need a break.”
I glance back. They’re all doing a very bad job of acting normal. Rane’s finally looking at me and the expression on his face makes my stomach flip.
“Have fun,” Locke says. Almost warm. For him.
Weird.
Zoe laughs and pulls me out the door before I can figure out what’s going on.
The shopping center is bright and loud and overwhelming in a completely different way than the Academy.
Places like this used to watch me through the window until I moved on.
Security would appear if I lingered too long near an entrance.
Shop owners would find reasons to step outside, arms crossed, waiting for me to take the hint.
Now Zoe pulls me through the doors like I belong here. Holds up clothes against me, asks my opinion, actually listens when I say what I like. No one asks us to leave. No one watches to make sure I don’t steal anything.
It’s disorienting. I keep waiting for someone to notice I’m not supposed to be here.
It’s… nice. Weird, but nice.
“Okay, this,” she says, shoving a soft forest green sweater into my arms. “This is perfect for you. Try it on.”
“I don’t need—”
“Try it on.”
I try it on. It fits. It’s the softest thing I’ve ever worn.
“We’re getting it,” Zoe says, and before I can argue she’s already taken it to the register.
“Zoe, I can’t—I don’t have any money.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“I’m not letting you pay for—”
“I’m not paying for it.” She pulls a card out of her wallet and hands it to the cashier. The name on it reads KYRON VALE.
I stare at it.
“What is that?”
Zoe winces. “Shit.”
“Zoe.”
“I wasn’t supposed to—look, it’s fine, they wanted—”
“Tell me.”
She sighs, handing the bag to me and steering me away from the register. “Come on. I know just the place for this conversation.”
She leads me to a beauty counter in the center of the floor. A woman in a sleek black uniform looks up as we approach.
“Can I help you ladies?”
“She needs everything,” Zoe says, depositing me onto the stool like I’m a package. “Full face. Make her glow.”
“Zoe—”
“You’ll love it. Trust me.” She hops onto the stool next to mine, getting comfortable. “And while she works, we talk.”
The woman—her nametag says MIRA—tilts my chin up, studying my face. “You have gorgeous bone structure. Those cheekbones.” She starts pulling out products. “Special occasion?”
“She just joined a cluster,” Zoe says.
Mira’s hands still for just a second. When she looks at me again, there’s something new in her expression. “Oh. Congratulations.”
“Thanks,” I manage, not sure what I’m being congratulated for.
“Five guys,” Zoe adds. “All absurdly good-looking. It’s disgusting, honestly.”
Mira laughs. “Five? God. I thought three was a lot.” She shakes her head, dabbing primer onto my skin. “You’re a lucky girl.”
I blink. “I am?”
“Most of us spend our whole lives hoping for a bond. Any bond. And clusters?” She whistles low. “That’s the dream. The real thing.”
I catch Zoe’s eye. She’s watching me carefully.
“Okay, so,” Zoe says. “The guys asked me to do this.”
“Do what, exactly?”
“Take you shopping. Get you things you need. Stuff you actually want, not just whatever was in that dresser.” She pulls out another card—this one reads LOCKE MERCER—and holds it up. “They gave me backups. Plural. And very specific instructions to make sure you didn’t argue about it.”
Mira pauses with a brush halfway to my face. “They gave her their cards?”
“Multiple.”
“And they’re not even bonded yet?”
“Nope.”
Mira stares at me like I’ve grown a second head. “Honey. Do you understand what that means?”
I don’t. I really don’t.
“It means they’re already gone for you,” Mira says, returning to my face with renewed focus. “Men don’t do that. Not unless they’re sure.”
“Sure of what?”
She and Zoe exchange a look I can’t read.
“Close your eyes,” Mira says. “I’m doing your lids.”
I close them. The brush moves soft across my eyelids.
“When I first met my guys,” Zoe says slowly, “I thought I was losing my mind. Everything felt too much. Too fast. I couldn’t be in a room with them without my skin feeling like it was on fire. I didn’t understand why I kept wanting to be near them even when it scared me.”
My chest tightens. That’s—that’s exactly—
“What does that mean?” I ask. My voice comes out smaller than I want it to.
“You’ll see,” Zoe says.
“That’s not an answer.”
“I know.”
Mira finishes my eyes and moves to my lips. “She’s right, though. It doesn’t make sense until it does. And then it’s the only thing that’s ever made sense.”
“You’re in a cluster too?” I ask.
“Bonded six years ago. Three men.” She smiles, soft and private. “Best thing that ever happened to me.”
She finishes and steps back, turning my stool toward the mirror.
I don’t recognize myself.
The face looking back at me has color, definition, life. Cheekbones I didn’t know I had. Eyes that look bigger, brighter. Lips that look soft and full.
I look like someone who matters.
“Oh,” Mira says quietly. “Oh, you’re going to destroy them.”
We leave with a bag full of products Mira insisted I needed—skincare, mascara, lip gloss, a little palette of eyeshadows she swore was foolproof.
A perfume she spritzed on my wrist, something soft and warm with a hint of vanilla.
Things I’ve watched other women use my whole life and never thought I’d own.
We hit two more stores. Pajamas that aren’t scratchy. Basics that actually fit.
And then Zoe stops dead in front of a window display.
“Oh,” she says. “Oh, no. We’re going in.”
“Zoe—”
She’s already pulling me through the door.
The store is all leather and lace and things I would never look at twice. Zoe moves through it like she has a target locked, and before I can protest she’s shoving something white into my hands.
“Try this on.”
I look down. White leather pants. A top that’s half corset, half sleeve—white lace over skin on one side, fitted white leather on the other. A silver chain choker.
“I can’t wear this.”
“Why not?”
“Because I—” I don’t have an answer. Because it’s too much. Because it’s not me. Because I’ve spent fifteen years wearing things that help me disappear and this is the opposite of disappearing.
“Just try it,” Zoe says. Softer now. “For fun. You don’t have to buy it.”
I go into the dressing room because it’s easier than arguing.
The leather slides on like it was made for me. The lace sits against my skin, delicate and strange. The chain settles at my throat, cool and light.
I look in the mirror.
I don’t recognize myself.
Not in a bad way. In a way that makes my breath catch. The white against my pale hair, my pale skin—I look like something out of a dream. Or a nightmare. I can’t decide which.
“Nova?” Zoe’s voice through the door. “You okay in there?”
I open it.
Zoe’s eyes go wide. “Holy shit.”
“It’s too much.”
“It’s perfect.” She grabs my shoulders and turns me toward the mirror outside the dressing room. “Look at yourself. Actually look.”
I look.
The girl in the mirror doesn’t look like someone who sleeps in alleys. She doesn’t look like someone who learned to be invisible. She looks like someone who could walk into a room and make people stop talking.
She looks like someone who belongs somewhere.
“We’re getting it,” Zoe says.
“I don’t need—”
“This isn’t about need.” She’s already pulling out Kyron’s card. “This is about want. When’s the last time you let yourself want something?”
I… I don’t know.
We’re halfway back to the house, bags in hand, when I finally ask.
“Zoe?”
“Yeah?”
“The thing you said. About your guys. About your skin feeling like it was on fire.”
She glances at me sideways. “Yeah?”
“Does it ever stop?”
She laughs—not mean, just surprised. “No. It just starts making sense.”
I don’t know what that means. But I’m still thinking about it when we get back—the fire under the skin, the wanting to be near them even when it’s terrifying.
That’s exactly how I feel.
And I have no idea what to do with it.