Chapter 26
Xavier
I pull up to the white colonial-style home and around the circular drive right up to the base of the steps. My father isn't home so I won’t have to hear him bitch about it. He despises when I pull right up in front of the house. He says it makes me look like I’m trying to be some sort of royalty. I don’t point out that if I were royalty, I would have a driver all the time.
Not that I can’t afford a driver. I have more money than would ever be needed in this lifetime or the next, I just prefer to drive myself around. Could be PTSD from the now two car accidents I have been in but who the fuck knows.
I skip the steps and the front door altogether and choose to walk around the side of the house. I know exactly where my mother is, where she always is on a beautiful day. I round the corner to see she’s down on her knees, gloves on, and looks to be pruning or picking something green in her garden.
“Xavier!” She exclaims, standing up and attempting to wipe her gloves on her pants before wrapping her arms around me in a tight embrace. “What a pleasant surprise. Why didn’t you tell me you were coming over?”
“I didn’t want you to fret and prepare some elaborate lunch. Anyway, can’t a guy just visit his mom and surprise her every once in a while?”
She huffs before sinking back down next to her garden. Clearly she’s still angry over me cancelling dinner again.
“If you're going to be here, I might as well put you to work,” she says and slaps some gloves against my chest as I crouch down next to her. I laugh and pick a small cherry tomato off before plopping it into my mouth. The sour taste explodes in my mouth, making me grimace.
“That's what you get for picking it before it is ready,” she laughs, looking over at me. “What are you really here for Xavier? Is everything okay?”
I sit down entirely in the grass, getting comfortable, and blow out a breath. My fingers twine around a blade of grass, and I pull it out and fiddle with it. She’s still staring at me, patient as ever.
“Why don’t I look like my father?” I blurt out. I didn’t plan on coming out and asking her so blatantly, but I knew there wouldn’t have been any better way to ask once the words left. Her eyes widen for just a fraction of a second before she schools her features.
She returns to her garden most casually and says, “Some kids get more genetics from one parent than the other. It’s not uncommon you know.”
If I hadn’t seen the slight flinch before, I might have believed her. But now, her answer seems robotic. It’s like she’s reading from a script.
Taking the picture Corrine gave me from my back pocket, I pull it out and slide it in front of my mother just on the edge of the planter box. She looks down at the picture before scrunching her eyes shut.
“Where did you get that?” she whispers.
“Does it matter?” I ask her.
“Yes, Xavier, because it's dangerous.”
I roll my eyes at her. “Are you kidding me? I come to you and show you a picture of a man in between you and Dad, who looks almost identical to me. And that is what you say to me.”
I huff out an annoyed breath before standing up and brushing off my jeans.
“This is fucking ridiculous,” I mutter before turning around to walk away.
“Stop right this instant Xavier and watch your mouth. I wasn’t finished talking.” She gets up and walks back towards the house, beckoning me to follow. When we get inside, she pulls the chair at our kitchen table out for me to sit. I sit down silently and watch her as she makes me a glass of tea. She takes her time stirring in the sugar as she brings it to me. The chair beside me slides out and she sits down but doesn’t look at me.
“When your father and I were very young, we had an unusual relationship,” she speaks while gazing out the window. “The type of relationship we had was frowned upon, especially in a small town like the one we grew up in. Everyone suspected but nobody knew the truth, not even our close circle of friends.”
“What, you were in love with two guys? That’s hardly a scandal mother. People have been cheating since the beginning of time. It’s nothing new.” The sarcasm drips from me.
She frowns as she looks at me, “I never cheated on your father Xavier. We were in love. We were all in love .”
I sputter, the iced tea I sipped flying from my mouth. “Dad is gay?”
She scoffs at me. “Really? That’s where you go with this? I thought your generation had evolved. It wasn’t like that with us. There was just love. Your father never loved any other man the way he loved Eric. It was just different. So no, your father is not gay.”
“But you were all together?” I question. The confusion on my face is evident.
“We were all together, yes. In public, your father and I became a couple. In private, the three of us…” She trails off, clearly reminiscing.
“This still isn’t making any sense,” I say to myself more than her.
“The year we were to graduate high school, I found out I was pregnant. My parents were furious. They heard the rumors that had already been circulating in the town for years. They knew exactly what kind of shame my being pregnant would bring upon our family. They gave an ultimatum but at the time there wouldn’t have been another choice anyway. Your father and I were to move from town, marry, and never speak to anyone from there again. They would set us up with a distant cousin where your father would work and eventually gain the position he has today. It was that or they would send me away to have you and put you up for adoption. I couldn’t bear the thought of giving you up Xavier.”
Suddenly she’s sobbing in her hands. I lean over and grab her, hugging her to me tightly. I know I should be consoling her but I still have questions and I want, no, I need these answers.
“Is that other man in the picture my real father?” I ask her as I pull away.
She wipes under her eyes and uses a napkin to dab her cheeks.
“We never did a DNA test, but if I had to make a guess based on looks alone, I would say yes.”
“So you guys just left and never told him?” I ask suddenly sad for this man I don’t even know.
“We couldn’t say anything to him. You don’t understand your grandparents. The secrets and lies that the town holds on everyone. Leaving was the only choice. We did it to save you and him. He found us though…”
“What? “ I yell causing her to flinch. “He knew about me and didn’t stay?”
“He showed up when you were about three. You probably don’t remember. He found us but we all knew he couldn’t stay. You see, his parents were setting up him and his brother to take over the huge and prestigious company. A child out of wedlock, being in love with two people, one of which is another man. There was no way they would ever accept that. The only hope would be that once he took over the company, he would be out from under their thumb. He could come back to all of us.”
She grabs my hand and cups it between hers. “He loved you so much, Xavier. You should have seen his face light up when he finally saw you. I wish he could see you now. How much you have grown up and where you are today. He was a good man.”
“What do you mean was ?” I ask, startled.
She sniffles before placing her hands over her face. “He would call us secretly every week. One day they just stopped out of nowhere. I think you were about sixteen. Do you remember that boating accident with the heir they couldn’t find? It was in the press. They searched for his body for weeks but he never turned up.”
I do remember that. My mind flashes back to my father and mother watching the news. My mother is crying. My father clenched both fists and one tear ran down his cheek. I never saw him show much emotion. At the time, I couldn’t understand what could be so upsetting about a random boating accident. I was also so self-involved in my teenage dreams that I couldn’t bring myself to care about what was happening. Now I understand. I’m angry and sad all at once.
“Is this why Dad was always so distant? Was he mad I wasn’t his?” I ask her as I stand up quickly.
She stands up just as fast and grabs my arms. “No Xavier, your father loves you. He would do anything for you. He’s just hurt and lost. He has always feared you would find out the truth and hate him someday. Hate him for not being good enough, for loving another man, for not keeping…him safe.”
“Eric,” I say with my jaw clenched. “Say his name mother. Eric Lockhart.”
Her eyes go wide. “How do you know his name, Xavier?”
“Do Allen and June ring a bell?”
“Let me, let me call your father. This isn’t good.” She stutters out while frantically searching for her phone.
“Corrine, the woman I was with during the crash, those are her parents.” I eye her, waiting for her reaction.
“Does she know about you? Have you met her parents? Have they seen you, Xavier?” She’s suddenly shaking me. I break out of her grip.
“Does it fucking matter?” I yell backing up. “My whole life has been a lie. How could you guys keep this from me?”
I'm suddenly running out the front door towards my car. I have to get out of here. I have to think. This is all too much.
“Wait,” my mom yells, but I don’t slow down. “I know you're angry, but you must be careful, Xavier. You have to stay away from Corrine and her family. It’s dangerous for anyone to find out who you are!”
I slam the door to my car, cutting her off and screeching out of the driveway. I’m pulling out the pills I keep in my center console within seconds and open the container, swallowing a few down. I don’t bother counting. I’m going to need more than a few to calm me down.
By the time I get back into the city, my head is spinning. My brain is foggy but I’m fucking calm. ‘Calm as a computer, I mean cucumber,’ I think to myself as I pull up to a familiar place.
I’m not sure how long it takes to get to the door, but when it swings open, I’m greeted with a scowl—not exactly the welcome I had hoped for before falling into her arms.
“Hello Flutterby,” I slur.