Mateo
Chapter five
I'm pretty sure I've aged another thirty years. Everything hurts, and at this point, I don't know if it's from Mom and Dad's hard as nails bed or from overcompensating for my knee.
It's mid-afternoon, and I'm up from a nap. A fucking nap. I can't remember the last time I napped that wasn't on a plane.
"What are you watching?" I ask Addie, joining her in the living room. "American Love Abroad," she says. "These long distance—like across the pond—couples try living in each other's country for a month. It's a shit show, and it's fantastic."
With effort, I lower myself into the recliner.
Addie hands me the bag of Hot Tamales she's snacking on.
I pour myself a handful and give the bag back to her.
"Sounds stupid," I say.
"That's the point."
On the screen, an American woman is trying to drive a car in a European country.
"Do they not have automatics over there?" Addie asks.
I'm not sure if the question is rhetorical or if she's asking me, but I answer anyway. "I think they have them, but they aren't common. When I went to Ireland a few years ago, you had to pay extra to rent an automatic."
"Dude, I wouldn't survive. I can barely drive on the right side of the road here."
I laugh. "You said it, not me."
Addie doesn't work until tonight, so we binge the crap out of American Love Abroad. I see why people call reality TV a guilty pleasure. I can't look away, but if anyone ever asks me if I've seen this shit, I'm going to deny it.
In Germany, Lina is explaining to her boyfriend from Virginia how employers are required to give full-time employees a minimum of three weeks vacation time.
This information blows his mind, and it seems like he's finally leaning toward moving.
In the interview pod, Lina grins and pulls her pierced lower lip into her mouth.
Jade.
How is it possible that I'm only meeting her now? It's like my family adopted her and the kid, and they forgot to tell me.
"How long have you and Jade been friends?" I ask.
Addie raises a brow. "I dunno, she started working at the bar like eight months ago? Why?"
"You've barely mentioned her, that's all. Mom and Dad either."
She shrugs but doesn't explain.
"Mom and Dad seem to love her and Cooper," I say.
"She was a teen mom," Addie says. "And her family sucks ass. So, we're her support system now. Kind of like Abuelo and Abuela were for Mom. She belongs."
My heart drops, and I nod. Our grandparents were nothing short of amazing. Strangers to Mom when she showed up at their diner, seventeen and pregnant with me. I can see why Mom would gravitate toward Jade and Cooper. It makes sense.
But teen mom? The kid said he was what, eight? So, nineteen plus one is twenty. Plus seven. Twenty-seven…or younger. Fuck. That's, well, that math isn't worth it. It's a lot. Too much.
She belongs.
Which is another reason I need to stop thinking about her.
Except I can't.
And that's why hours later, while I lay in bed awake, I'm searching for a dating app. Why are there so many? I download the first three and hope for the best.
I don't expect to find love, but there's a chance having a new woman in my life will be enough to stop thinking about my sister's best friend. And her lips. And how badly…no. Nope. Stop.
Except she's unlike any woman I've been attracted to before. For starters, she's tall and has curves for fucking days. I've always chased petite women…I liked the size difference. But Jade feels like a challenge—like she could put me in my place—and something about that makes me curious.
I grit my teeth. I need to shift away from those thoughts and focus on the road ahead.
Which right now is a dating app called Kindling.
I sign up with a fake name and fill out the questionnaire. But then it asks for a photo, not a photo I upload…no, it wants a photo of me with my license for verification purposes.
I delete the app.
Imagine the messages I'd get.
Mateo Hayes, forty-one.
Retired professional baseball catcher looking for his next home run.
Four more apps later, and I'm fucking irritated. I can't be anonymous on any of them. It makes sense, for safety reasons and all that, but it doesn't suck any less.
What a shitshow I am. I can't fucking move, or drive, or sign up for a stupid fucking dating app to stop thinking about the one woman I can't have.
I wanted to get caught in the rain, but it seems as though I'm in a drought.