Mateo
Chapter twenty-seven
Iflex my hand and picture the way it looked around Jade's neck.
How beautiful she was, and how easily we seem to fit into the role the other needs.
But we're so far apart in life. I'm fucking retired and trying to settle down, she still has so much life to live.
Is it fair for me to ask for more? Would I be asking her to give up years of her life to be with me?
"What's next for you?" Mom asks, handing me a mug of coffee and saving me from myself. "Any thoughts on work? Or if you'll go back to Baltimore?"
I stop the porch swing from swaying, and she sits, pulling some of my blanket over her legs. This spot has quickly become one of my favorites. It's quiet, usually, and the November air revives me when I start to spiral down to a dark place.
I sip from my mug, buying time.
"Kiddo, we never really—"
"Mom, please. Kiddo?"
She smiles and holds her mug with both hands. "Graying beard or not, you're still my baby."
"Please stop."
"But seriously, Mateo. Is this what's next for you? If it is, that's okay." She sips her coffee. "You've worked hard. You deserve a respite. I only want to make sure…honey, is it going to be enough for you?"
I try to imagine this as my life. Could I be happy doing nothing?
No. Absolutely not. I'm fucking losing it.
But I'm not ready to tell her about the Zoom meeting I had with SportsMedia yesterday.
The truth is, I'd already decided I wasn't going back.
Then Earl Pryor sent me a vague email, and the next thing I knew, he was offering me a commentator position.
I sigh but can't seem to form words to give Mom the peace she's clearly seeking.
"You're allowed to carve your own path." Mom pats my good knee over the blanket.
"That's exactly what I told Addie a few weeks ago," I say with a shake of my head.
"Oh, that girl. She certainly gives us a run for our money, doesn't she?"
"She'll be okay," I tell Mom, hoping I sound reassuring. "She's just a little lost among—"
"The rest of us," she finishes for me.
"Exactly."
"You'd tell me if I needed to step in, right?"
I turn to her, raising an eyebrow.
"Right, sibling secrets." She breathes in, her shoulders rising, and then lets out the breath, a puff of white in the air. "I forgot how nice it is out here. I haven't had more than a few minutes to myself lately."
"You aren't by yourself right now," I say.
She chuckles.
"Yeah, but this is nice too. No television, no phone, no cameras. Only nature's music and the morning sky reminding us there's always a new day."
We sit in silence, sipping our coffee and listening to the world around us.
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be hearing, but my thoughts drown everything else out.
What is next for me? If I take the commentator position, it means going back and settling back into my Baltimore life for at least the next five years.
It's not a bad spot to be in. It would keep me busy.
And let's be real, it'd be fun. I love talking about baseball. It's what I know best.
But Wilmont is finally feeling like home again. Addie and I are starting to fall back into rhythm, and it's been nice spending time with Mom and Dad without a time limit or end date.
"Want to help me make pies for tomorrow?" Mom asks.
"Pies, plural?"
She stands from the swing and turns, pinning me with a look.
Hand on her hip, she says, "Yes, plural. It's Thanksgiving."
I hold up my still half-full mug.
"Give me a minute to finish this."
Mom smiles and seconds later, the front door closes behind her.
Thanksgiving. Jade and Cooper will be here.
It'll be our first time around the rest of the family since Baltimore, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about it.
Something shifted between us, and I know she felt it too.
Am I foolish to add Jade, and Cooper for that matter, to my list of reasons I want to stay in Wilmont?
I am. I know I am.
It's what really matters if I'm being real with myself.
But I also know that regardless of what happens, I made a promise. To Jade and ultimately to myself. I won't leave Cooper. The punk has slithered his way into my heart, carving out a permanent spot just for him.
My phone vibrates on my lap.
TheBabs has tagged you in a photo.
When I tap on the notification, it brings me to a series of photos from Friendsgiving at Kyler's.
I swipe through them. There's a handful of group shots of the few of us that were there from the team and one of me holding the baby with a heart covering her face.
All the kids' faces seem to be covered, and that's when it registers it was posted on Kyler's public account.
The caption reads: 'Family time with the team. '
I swipe through more photos, freezing when I come across one of me and Jade. It's a candid shot. My hand is on the small of her back, and we're both laughing.
Something shifted.
Even before she said the words I hear over and over every time I close my eyes.
I trust you.
Notifications flood my phone.
Kacey2312 tagged you in a comment.
MiaMack tagged you in a comment.
They keep coming. I can't keep up.
They flood the top of my screen.
I tap on one.
@TheMittMateo who is she?
Is @TheMittMateo seeing someone?
Does @TheMittMateo finally have a girlfriend?
Time for damage control.
I don't give Kyler the chance to say hello.
"Delete it."
"Delete what?" he asks.
"The picture, Ky. The one of me and Jade."
"Dude."
"Fucking do it, now," I say, my tone tight.
"Okay, okay, geez," he says.
"Text it to me, though."
"Leila was right, you've got it fucking bad."
"Is it done?"
"Yeah, man. Are you guys…" He lets the question hang in the air.
I sigh and then hear a muffled laugh from Kyler's end.
"I told you, babe," Leila says. "Get cookin', good lookin'"
"Damn it, man," Kyler says. "Now I have to cook dinner bare ass for Leila."
I chuckle. "What?"
He sighs. "We made a bet. She said you guys were fucking, and I said you weren't, and you just handed her the fucking win."
"It's complicated."
"Uncomplicate it, Mateo," Leila says loud enough for me to hear. "We liked her. You like her. You're not an empty shell around her."
I'm still thinking about Leila's words as I gather the courage to call Jade. I have to tell her, right? Her wrath will be worse if I don't.
At that moment, she pulls into the driveway.
What is she doing here? It's not quite eight a.m., and only Mom and I are awake.
Coop is out of the car first, running toward the house. He stops in his tracks when he sees me.
"Morning, Gramps."
"What's up, punk?" I hold out my fist, and he bumps it. "What are you guys doing here? Addie's still asleep."
He rolls his eyes as if I should know the answer.
"Charlie asked Mom if she wanted to help with pies today."
Of course she did.
"Are you helping too?" I ask.
He waves me away.
"Liam is taking me to the golf simulator."
Sneaky, Mom. Fucking sneaky.
Jade offers a small wave and reaches for the front door.
"Hey, can we talk for a second?" I ask.
She stiffens but releases her grip on the handle.
Coop slips by her, letting himself inside and leaving us alone.
"Sit, please," I say, patting the swing beside me.
She huffs but sits.
I don't know how to approach it delicately, so I drop it like the bomb it is.
"Kyler posted pictures from Friendsgiving on his public InASnap."
Her grip on the Red Bull can tightens, but all she says is, "Coop?"
"He covered all the kids' faces."
"And me?"
I swallow and lift my gaze so I can read her face.
"As soon as I saw it, I called him, and he removed it."
She nods and clenches her jaw, but remains calm, considering.
"Show me," she says.
"I, uh—"
"Don't play stupid, Mateo. It's not a good look on you."
Jade shifts in the swing, turning her body so it's angled toward mine.
"How bad is it?" she asks.
I take a deep breath, watching as the cloud dissipates between us, and hold my phone out to her.
I don't miss the slight lift in her lips as she studies the photo, but it's quickly replaced with a scowl.
"There were some comments on it before it got removed, and I can't guarantee there aren't screenshots floating around. I'm sorry, Jade."
"I told you it was a bad idea for me and Coop to go. What if Addie saw that?"
"Two friends hanging out."
She gives me a pointed look and takes a swig from her Red Bull. When she pulls it away from her lips, it's with a scowl, and she crushes the can in her fist.
Why is that so hot?
God, Mateo. Pull it together.
Jade stands abruptly, and I follow suit, albeit at a much slower pace.
"Finally," Mom says when we walk into the kitchen. "Grab an apron and let's get to work."
"Ugh, with the cheeriness," Addie groans from a stool at the island. Her eyes are closed, and she's using a bag of flour as a pillow. What time did she get home last night? I don't remember hearing her come in.
I refill my coffee mug and place one on the counter in front of Addie. I grab another Red Bull out of the fridge for Jade, opening it before I hand it to her. She hands me an apron, and my hand brushes hers. The touch is innocent, but the way we linger isn't.
Mom clears her throat, and Jade pulls away. I sneak a glance at Addie, who has one open eye trained on me. Not knowing what else to do, I stick my tongue out at her. Yes, I'm a fucking child, okay?
Thanksgiving at the Hayes' house means pie. Four to be exact because we all like different flavors. Lucky for us, Cooper shares a favorite pie with Dad, and Jade's favorite is the same as Addie's. Which is fantastic for me because it means I don't have to share my apple pie.
The apron Jade gave me is a floral print with ruffles, and I tie that shit on with pride. She puts a hand over her mouth, stifling a laugh. I do a spin, and Addie throws a measuring spoon at me.
"Stop flirting, it's gross," she says, making a face.
If I had any doubt why I got roped into this instead of going with Dad and Cooper, it's gone now.
Mom and Addie start on the pie crusts, while Jade and I try to read Abuelo's messy scrawl on the recipe cards laid out in front of us.
Pumpkin for Addie and Jade, pecan for Mom, French silk for Dad and Coop, and apple for me.
We work in sync, moving fluidly around each other, no words needed, only a mutual awareness of what the other is doing.
Is this what love is like?
I shake off the thought, but it clings, hovering over me, like…like a fucking storm cloud.
We share a smile, and the cloud darkens over me, but it's the sun I see in her eyes. My sun.
I want to take her in my arms, Addie be damned. We're already close; one pull on her waist and her body would be against mine, my lips on hers.
"Earth to Mateo," Addie says.
I peel my eyes from Jade's to look at her. The expression on her face is stone, and I hold my breath waiting for what comes next.
She clenches her jaw and slides a prepared pie crust toward me.
"This is ready for the filling, if you're done eye-fucking my best friend," she says.
Jade and I spend the rest of my time in the kitchen as strangers, both of us so frazzled that whatever natural chemistry we had earlier fizzled and we ended up bumping into each other and spilling shit everywhere.
When I accidentally knocked the entire bowl of sliced apples off the counter, Mom exiled me to the kitchen table with a peeler and a bag of potatoes.
Thanksgiving is going to be a shit show.