Chapter 26 Cade #2
That can wait until later. Right now, I need to find him and make sure he’s safe. “Okay, call me when the information arrives and let me know what it says.”
“Stop.” Wylder halts me in alarm. “Where are you going?”
I stare at him like he’s stupid. He must be if he’s asking me this. “To find Ansel, obviously. I never should’ve left him alone in the first place. I shouldn’t have listened to him.”
“Cade, we’ve got no idea what you’re walking into.”
My temper snaps. The wind is knocked from Wylder as I shove him into the wall. “You think I give a fuck about that? I don’t. Ansel is out there, and he’s in danger. I’m not going to sit here with a thumb up my ass when I could be searching for him.”
The door bangs open again. This time, it’s Dotty, looking slightly frantic. She comes right up to me, her hair quivering. “Is it true? Is Ansel in danger?”
We all stare at her, and she just clucks her tongue. “You boys are louder than a stampede. There are no secrets in this house. Find him, Cade. Now.” She shoves a bag at me. “Someone just arrived with this. I didn’t trust anyone else to bring it up, so I brought it myself.”
My throat bobs as I take it from her, oddly touched. “Thank you, Dotty.”
She gives a tremulous nod. “I mean it, find him. If you don’t, I’ll make all your lives a living hell.”
Dalton leans over to Harley. “I’m confused—doesn’t she do that already?”
I ignore him as Dotty leaves. Putting the bag on the table, I carefully pull out the contents. It’s in the same order that we saw Ansel leave it in. A thick packet on the bottom, an envelope, and a small note.
That’s what I pick up first. My throat thickens as I realize what it is.
A request.
Make them pay.
My butterfly doesn’t need to worry about that. I won’t rest until the streets of St. Dismas are bathed in the blood of those who threatened him.
The note is carefully placed on the table. That’s when I see the name scrawled on the envelope.
Titan.
An odd, strangled noise echoes in my ears. What the fuck is that?
Oh.
It’s coming from me.
Wylder squeezes the back of my neck hard. “Focus. You can break down later. Right now, you need to hold it together for Ansel.”
I nod, inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly. I do that a few more times until I have myself under control.
Before opening the letter, I flick through the packet. It’s information. Reams and reams of it, all about one organization.
The Umbra Syndicate.
I frown. I’ve heard of them; of course I have. But as far as we were aware, they’re a low-level gang from Eastgate. What the fuck are they doing interfering in St. Dismas?
And, more importantly, what do they want with Ansel?
I shove the packet into the middle of the table. My brothers seize it without me needing to ask, divvying it up between them.
Leaving me to read the note Ansel left.
I go to the corner of the room and turn to face the wall. It’s all the privacy I’m going to get right now, and I’ll take it.
Behind me, I can hear Wylder barking out orders. Matthias is on the phone with someone, ordering them here immediately. Wyatt and Jackson, I assume. Dalton barks that he’ll go pick them up, leaving the room before Matthias has a chance to argue.
I put all of them out of my mind as I open the letter. No one matters right now other than Ansel.
His scrawl appears, and my chest tightens.
Titan,
I told you three lies and omitted one truth.
The first lie was that I’m not in danger.
I am. And so are you. That’s why I’ve done all of this.
Everything was to keep you safe. You and your family.
Those you love. I didn’t want to hurt you, I really didn’t.
The truth is, I had little time to come up with a plan, and this was the only thing I could think of.
The only way to keep you at a distance was to break your heart.
I wish it wasn’t.
The second lie was that I don’t want you around. I do, Cade. If I had my way, we wouldn’t spend a second apart. I’d live in your embrace and never complain about a second of it. You’re everything I didn’t realize I wanted, I needed.
I’m going to miss you more than you’ll ever know.
The third lie is the worst. I told you you’re just like your father. I never knew the man, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. You’re kind. Protective. Caring. Funny. I doubt your father was any of these things. But you are.
I will never be able to apologize enough for saying this. It was a moment born of desperation to keep you safe. It doesn’t excuse what I did, but I hope it explains it.
Finally, the truth I omitted. I love you.
I’m sorry that this is the way I’m telling you. I wanted to whisper it while we were in bed together, our sweat drying on our skin. Or maybe over a candlelit dinner, somewhere where I could see the joy light up your face.
Because there would be joy. I know that. I know you love me as desperately as I love you.
It’s why I did this. I’m so fucking sorry, Cade. If this ends the way I think it will, the only regret I’ll leave this world with is breaking your heart.
Good things never last for me, and that’s okay. I’m grateful that I got to bask a little in your love.
I haven’t given up hope entirely. I’m planning on going on the run. Fleeing St. Dismas and starting a new life far away.
If, by some miracle, I manage to do this, I won’t contact you. I won’t disrupt your life again. I don’t want you to waste time waiting for me. I want you to live. To be happy. To find love again.
Please be happy. You deserve it more than anyone. You’re one of a kind. I think maybe I was meant to be yours.
That doesn’t mean you were meant to be mine, though. Find love again, for me.
Your butterfly
If I thought reading Neo’s letter was tough, it had nothing on this.
So many different emotions are coursing through me that I don’t know which to start with.
But then I find one I’m familiar with. I grab onto it with both hands, knowing it’ll get me through.
Anger.
I mean, seriously, what the fuck?
From what I can work out, Ansel is sacrificing himself to protect me and my family. Those I love.
What about the fact that I love him?
That I cannot live without him?
Then, he has the audacity to tell me that he loves me before instructing me to basically forget his existence and move on?
Absolutely fucking not.
But most of all, I’m furious he didn’t talk to me about this. I could’ve stopped all of this from happening with one simple conversation. We have panic rooms and guards, for fuck’s sake. Not that we need them. Any one of us is more dangerous than ten of our guards combined.
Me? I’m probably worth twenty.
How would Ansel know that?
Fuck. Looks like not being fully honest and open with him is coming back to bite me in the ass. But he had to know I’d keep him safe.
Why didn’t he confide in me?