Chapter 13
JESSIA
“Inever dreamed,” Devil blurted as I unfastened his jeans and reached inside, slowly stroking his cock as I pulled it out.
I stared greedily at the fat tip, at the vein that snaked down his length, gliding my hand over every ridge and groove until he tipped his head back with a groan. “Never dreamed I’d have this.”
I pressed my lips to his Adam’s apple, to the thrumming pulse in his neck. The fact he’d exposed his throat wasn’t lost on me. I rewarded the trust by scattering kisses everywhere, relishing both the taste of his skin and his choppy breathing.
“Now we can have this everyday,” I said, imprinting the words on his skin. “Every day, Fil.”
“Fuck knows what I did to deserve this, or to deserve an angel like you. But I’ll never let you go.”
I’ll never let you go. Pierce had said that so many times, but never with that soft adoration in his voice, never as a promise and not a threat.
“I know,” I replied, pulling up my dress. I’d gone with the slinky black one after all, because ChaCha was always right, and I found myself glad that it was so easy to slide up my hips. “It’s the same for me, Fil. You’re my mate, and I will never let you go.”
I meant it as a promise, the same way he did, but a little threat slipped into my voice. If I wasn’t mistaken, it was that that made him smile, that made him squeeze my hips as I lined up the head of his cock with my entrance and sank down slowly.
His groan was so loud that it started a bird from the tallest branches of the tree, and I laughed.
“Not so loud,” I said, threading my fingers in his hair and bringing his face to mine for a deep kiss, letting his noises shudder down my tongue, letting him taste the moans I couldn’t suppress as I took him inside me, inch by slow inch.
“Shit,” he gasped. “I should have asked if you’re healed, if this is even alright, if—”
“Fil,” I said against his mouth. “I’m fine. I healed weeks ago.” The damage to me had been tame, compared to what those monsters did to my friends. “And I want this.”
To emphasise how much I really did want him, I rolled my hips and took him deeper.
“Slowly,” he hissed, a vein pulling taut in his neck. “Be careful, Jessia. You might be healed, but you’re still going to be careful.”
I circled my hips, sensations blooming through me until my eyelids dropped to half-mast. “I am?”
“Yes.” His hands wandered up my back where my dress exposed bare skin. “You are. Because your mate says so.”
My skin sang wherever he touched me, and I arched into the warmth of his hands. The commanding edge to his voice made me throb around his cock. “And who put you in charge?”
“I did.” His head dipped and I was so ready for a kiss to my throat that I jolted at the careful rasp of teeth. My nipples ached, sensitive and pleading for touch. I throbbed so hard around him that he swore. “Any complaints, my angel?”
“No,” I replied breathlessly, butterflies racing through my stomach.
I wanted him to bite me, wanted to feel the slice of his teeth into my throat in a final, permanent claim.
My heart sank when he just kissed me there and drew back, his fingers going to my chest, circling my nipples through the dress like he’d sensed I needed them there.
“I’ll bite you when we’re both ready,” he said, one hand falling to my waist, encouraging me to ride him, gripping firmly enough to control my pace.
I loved that firm so much, I raced right for the edge, desperate to move faster but forced to take the measured pace he enforced.
My mate, my alpha. I was in his hands, at his command, for his pleasure, and entirely safe.
My hips jolted a single warning, and then I climaxed so hard it robbed all breath from my lungs.
“Fuck, angel,” Devil gasped, sliding an arm around my back to hold me closer as I shuddered through each crashing wave of pleasure. He rolled my nipple between his fingers, his breathing coming quicker, and the next rush made me arch over him, my breathing cut off.
And while my defences were down, a memory snuck in. It grabbed me with claws out, gouging my fragile psyche until I could smell the rancid, stinking mattress, acutely feel the cold of the basement, the hands pinning me to the mattress forcing pleasure upon me.
“Jessia,” Devil said urgently, his voice melding with the memory until he was there too. I was in two places—feeling my body violated against my will, and feeling Devil carefully pull me off his cock and stroke hair back from my face, his palm grazing my cheek. “Angel, can you hear me?”
“I can—I can hear,” I rasped, but I couldn’t see him, could only see the dark walls, the three mattresses, and my friends drugged and weak as they tried to stand.
“Can you look at me?” Devil asked so gently. “I’m right here, angel.”
I swallowed, and screwed my eyes shut like that would block out the vision of the basement, but it only grew stronger.
“I can’t,” I panicked, opening them again and glimpsing Devil for a second before the darkness closed in, my fingers going numb. I could feel the smooth fabric of his white shirt, but the reality was like sand—impossible to hold in my hand.
“Talk me through what you’re seeing,” he breathed, the feeling of him lightly stroking my back clashing with what I could see.
“I—I’m in that place again.”
“You’re in the garden of the compound. We’re sat at the table under my shitty lights, remember?”
“I remember,” I rasped. “But I can’t—” His fingers glanced over bare skin where my dress had been pushed up, and the memory glitched. I frantically reached for Devil’s hand when it moved, returning it to my skin. “Touch me here. It—I can see you. It helps.”
My breath hitched when he came into view, rumpled and afraid in his button-up shirt and jeans, his hair sticking up like he’d dragged his hands through it. “There’s my angel,” he sighed with relief, the emotion filling my chest, filling the bond.
“Don’t stop touching me,” I whispered, keeping my eyes on him, on my mate.
I had a mate, and he came to save me from that basement.
I wasn’t back there. That mattress and every horror that had happened upon it was in the past, where it would live forever.
I knew I could never remove it from my mind, knew it would never leave, but I wouldn’t let it take away my present or my future.
“What happened?” he asked, his throat bobbing.
“I—” I shook my head, shame heating my belly like a brand. “I can’t tell you.”
“I would never judge you,” he murmured, feeling the guilt and humiliation I couldn’t hide. “Never.”
I swallowed, chewed my lip as I kept my eyes on him, refusing to go back to that memory. “When I—when they—the first few times—”
“Take a breath, angel.” I did as he said. There was nothing but tenderness and worry on his face as he watched me. I held onto that, onto the feeling of it radiating warmth inside me, the bond both sunlight and cold, icy rage. “There’s no rush, take as long as you need.”
I hated how this moment between us had been marred, when it deserved to be perfect. “I couldn’t help it,” I choked out.
I felt the moment he understood, the knowledge a ripple through his soul into mine.
“Oh, angel,” he breathed, pulling me into a hug, stroking up and down my back, grounding me with the touch. “You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
“But they made me come. No, they didn’t make me. They didn’t care if it happened or didn’t. It was me that did it. They violated me, and I found pleasure in it—”
“Jessia,” he cut me off in a hard voice. “Enough.”
I swallowed, dared a glance at his face and found it alive with wrath. Pure murder darkened his expression, but it softened when our gazes met.
“I don’t want you to ever feel shame for what you had no control over. I don’t want you to be ashamed, or blame yourself, for a single damn thing that happened when you were taken. That was all them, not you.”
“But it was me,” I said in a small voice. “It was my body.”
“Your body under their control,” he said, so gently. “It wasn’t your choice, angel. None of it was your choice, so you can’t shoulder any of the blame.” He kissed the bridge of my nose. “I won’t let you.”
I had to swallow twice, a lump filling my throat. “I’m sorry I remembered them when I should have been focused on you, on us. I wish I could erase it from my memory. I wish I could burn it out.”
His hand splayed over the small of my back, another kiss finding my brow this time, then my forehead. “I wish I could go back in time and make sure none of it ever happened. Let’s go inside, angel.”
“No,” I breathed, pulling back to lock eyes with him. “No. I’m not ready to go inside. I don’t want this to end. Even with my memories, I want to stay here with you.” He was about to argue, so I leaned close and kissed him. “I want to try again.”
“Angel…”
His cock had softened and now laid between us, but I wrapped my hand around it and stroked slowly. “It’s very mean of you to try and deprive me of this cock. My mate’s cock.”
He groaned, his head thrown back. “Fuck, call me that again.”
I kissed his jaw, shaking off the cobwebs of that memory and grounding myself right here. “My mate. My perfect mate.”
“Oh, perfect am I?” His eyes lightened, a little glitter returning to them. “Not vain, arrogant, and a piss poor decorator?”
“Those are just features.” I ran my thumb over the slit of his cock and greedily watched him tense, his mouth parted on quick breaths. “Everyone needs features.”
His laugh was like another ray of sunlight on my soul, and I sank into its warmth, my body once again liquid, my core pulsating. “Slowly,” he said with a thread of steely command as I lined up his cock with my entrance again, careful as I took him inside.
“Keep your hands on me,” I begged.
“Nothing could make me let go,” he replied, a little raggedly as I began to move, rolling my hips in slow, tentative circles.
“I want us to come together,” I said, returning to his mouth for more kisses, drowning my senses in the taste of him. “I need you to come with me this time.”
He nodded, frantic as I worked him deeper than before, so far inside me that I felt him scour out the memory of everyone who’d been before, at least for today.
Those memories stayed in the past where they belonged, and I lost my breath, pleasure filling my whole body with heat and clenching need.
He never once took his hands off me, and we crashed over the edge together, his soul wrapped tight around mine.