Chapter 28 #2
His voice is still breezy and flirtatious, just warm and friendly and light, not at all as if he’s asking if I’ve put my fingers inside myself lately. I’m abruptly aware of our hands still circling my belly, of the circles that have gradually moved lower and lower.
“Um. I tried. On Thursday while you were at work.”
“And?”
“And I don’t think it’s for me. I did it for a little while and nothing happened, and I didn’t feel… It’s not the same way you make me feel.”
He doesn’t look smug about that last part, which is a little surprising with what I know about him.
Instead, he seems thoughtful, a line between his brows, a quirk to one side of his mouth, and I’ve seen this expression before.
When he’s in his glassed-in office tapping the end of his Apple Pencil against his lips, when he was a student at Evelyn and he was considering a thing he’d never drawn before, an insulin pump or a bowl of darting goldfish.
He looks like he’s trying to solve a problem.
“Show me,” he says after a minute. “I want to see.”
“I—right now?”
“I checked your schedule, and it looks like you’re free. I want to help, but I can’t until I see what you’ve been trying.”
I swallow. “I don’t know. That seems…”
“Personal?” An eyebrow lifts. “Birdie.”
Right. It’s not any more personal than playing with me while I’m asleep or watching me in the studio, as he’s done the past two afternoons when he comes home from work.
“Okay,” I say. “Okay. Let me—just—” I spread my thighs apart, and he gallantly releases the hand he’s been using to touch my stomach so I can use both.
I close my eyes and try to remember what’s felt good with him this week, what I’ve liked.
I push two fingers into myself, grateful that he had sex with me earlier because I’m much wetter than I was on Thursday when I tried this.
Unfortunately, it feels much the same as it did on Thursday—only wisps of sensation and nothing like what Bell can build in my body within mere moments. Even worse, the embarrassment I felt while alone is magnified sevenfold with Bell watching me.
The only sounds in the room are the wet noises I’m making between my thighs, which carry the double sin of being lewd and somehow timid in their irregularity, in the lack of anything else, the lack of heavy exhales or stifled moans or even the sound of my feet rubbing against the sheets.
I open my eyes to see Bell watching my hand between my legs. He still looks like he’s puzzling over a problem.
“This is embarrassing,” I whisper, stopping. I feel pathetic.
His eyes alight on mine and he gives me a reassuring smile as he finds my left hand and guides it to his lap. A renewed erection is pushing against the thin fabric of his drawstring pants.
“You have nothing to be embarrassed about,” he says.
“I could watch you play with your cunt all day. It looks fucking hot right now, all wet and pretty and pinker than cotton candy. I can’t wait until I’m able to leave my cum inside it because I want to finish and then watch you fuck yourself while I’m dripping out of you. ”
His words do what my fingers couldn’t, and I feel heat kick back down to my clitoris. A ripe ache hangs like fruit just behind it, deep in the pit of my belly.
He moves then, crawling over me and planting his knees on either side of my hips.
He takes the fingers of my right hand and puts them in his mouth.
The feeling of his tongue against my fingertips is shocking, and the catch in my breath is drowned out by his moan as he tastes my pussy on my fingers.
His eyelashes drop against his cheeks as he sucks my fingers clean, and I’m squirming when he’s done.
“I’m going to show you two ways tonight, and we’ll break out the toys on another,” he says, and maybe he should have been the teacher, because he sounds so casual and confident right now, like of course I’ll be able to learn this.
It’s just a matter of foundational knowledge, only a matter of praxis.
It’ll be an attendance-based grade, just try your hardest.
“Okay,” I whisper.
He presses the fingers that are now wet from his mouth between my legs, shaping his fingers over mine.
“Don’t be embarrassed.” His expression is kind.
A short exhale. “You must know it’s not that easy.”
He leans forward, one hand by my head to support himself, his other slowly moving mine for me. The movements are centered around my clitoris, and even though the pressure is gentle and the pace relaxed, it feels good enough that I immediately want more.
“Okay,” he says agreeably. “Don’t only be embarrassed then.”
His hand is warm and strong, and the effect of him straddling me and bending over me—hair dripping with sunlight, those curving and tensing muscles ridiculously on display—it’s enough to add something else alongside the embarrassment.
When I look down to see how it looks, his forearm flexing and our joined hands working between my thighs, I’m nearly overcome.
“There you go,” he murmurs, watching my face as I watch our hands. “Feels good, doesn’t it?”
I nod, my head moving against the pillow, still looking down.
“I know it’s easier because I’m making you do it right now, and you like being forced—hey, hey, it’s okay, Birdie.
Don’t be ashamed of that either, because I like forcing you, so who deserves the most shame between the two of us?
But that’s an easy enough mental hurdle to jump through later, dreaming up little scenarios for yourself where you don’t have a choice.
Right now, I just want you to know what makes your body light up so you can work in tandem with whatever pervy fantasies you dream of while I’m gone.
” He shifts his hand so his pointer and middle finger are directly above my own, focusing the pressure more precisely on my clitoris.
“Obviously, penetration is enjoyable, but this is what most people need. Direct stimulation.”
He moves my fingers from side to side. And then with my clit between my two fingers, up and down. And then circles again, but this time tighter and smaller and harder.
“Vary things at first, when you’re warming up, but when you want to build momentum, pick one thing and find a rhythm. The point is to learn how it feels to get close and then what it takes to push you over the edge. Once you know that, it gets easier to experiment.”
My lips are parted and I’m breathing hard underneath him, nodding and staring at his face now.