devil inside
Jordan & Lilith
I felt her inside me. The wholeness of her. We fit. I never sensed Lilith within before, not like this, never knew when she
was inside . . . but for just this blissful moment, I didn’t feel empty, didn’t feel alone, everything suddenly clicked, and
it all felt like home.
That’s when it hit me: My body is her home.
“Take me,” I said on the dance floor. When she asked where, her voice in my head, I answered—Home. Where we both belong.
Together.
It’s bound to be after midnight. The city slips off to sleep, streets quiet, but there’s adrenaline still coursing through
my veins. I can feel my heart racing, outpacing my pulse.
“Are you hurt?” Lilith asks. She’s inside Cara again, a familiar face, a familiar body. Lilith brought her along to the house
party, and now she’s holding me up, our bodies pressed against each other, running through the streets, racing through Richmond.
Already I feel the distance between us. The gulf between our bodies. It’s so cold without her here. I need to get her back.
“I felt you,” I say. “You were inside me. You were everywhere.”
“I’m here. I’m with you.”
We make it to my place. I couldn’t have gotten back to my own apartment without Lilith leading the way. My body feels broken, absolutely shattered from the dance floor.
All those people. My friends. Their demons. I lured them in. Let them loose upon that party.
I did that. That was all me. How is that even possible?
“I’ve been looking everywhere for you . . . I thought I’d lost you.”
“I’m right here.”
“I need you,” I say. Inside me.
We’re taking the stairs two, three at a time, the hollow clop of our shoes echoing through the empty stairwell. We’re panting,
both of us, rushing. We’re not talking anymore. Just running. There are no words. Only instinct. The need to be in each other’s
arms.
“I can’t lose you again,” I say. “I don’t ever want to let you go.”
I close the door to my apartment. Lilith takes off her shoes, tossing them. She’s not wasting any time. The anticipation—the
electricity—has been building, and now we need to finish.
“Are you sure this is what you want?” she asks.
“Yes.” God, yes. I’ve never wanted something more in my life. Or whatever came after. I’ve been so dead inside. The only time
I’ve felt alive in the last year is with her.
With Lilith. Inside me.
Her kiss goes deep along with the momentum from Cara’s body, forcing me back. Impact pushes me against the door. The chain
lock rattles at my ear. Her lips, soft and warm, pull back and I feel her teeth pressing against my mouth.
There is an obsidian glint to her eyes now. A shark’s nictating membrane sliding over its eyes as it shifts into attack mode,
completely frenzied, sensing blood in the water.
How far can we ease into each other? Her mouth only opens wider, ready to swallow me. She wants to devour everything in front
of her.
I push back, exerting enough force to press off the door, but Lilith is stronger, digging in her heels and pushing back even harder. I’m right back against the door.
She halts. Hesitates. The two of us take each other in, panting.
We each freeze. Lungs lock.
Neither of us breathe. Our chests hold onto the air between us, suspended in silence. We’re staring each other down, waiting
for one of us to make the first move.
Whoever inhales first, whoever relents, loses. It’s a game. A battle. A standoff.
I breathe before she does.
Something about that inhale, gasping for air first, sends Lilith charging. She chases after the oxygen, hoping to catch it,
closing in on me so fast, I can’t close my mouth.
Her kiss is frantic. Frenzied.
I pull her away. It takes all the strength I have, grabbing her by both arms and pushing back. Our lips separate, and it takes
a moment for clarity to come back to her eyes.
“Slow,” I say. “I want to savor this. All of this. All of you.”
This brings her back. Lilith looks—sees me—and protests. She pushes into me, ready for more—another bite—but I keep my grip
around her arms, tight, and hold her back. It takes everything, all my strength, just to keep her from collapsing upon me.
“Slow,” I say. The word sinks in. Her chest rises and falls, her lungs desperate for breath. The bloodlust sends her eyes
rolling up into the back of her head.
I draw her in. I maintain my grip, pushing back against her body, that exertion of pressure, of flesh and muscle, and slowly
ease back, letting her chest press against mine.
Her kiss is tentative. Searching. She’s exploring now. Tasting everything my skin has to offer. Each kiss sends her foraging
for another across my neck. My chest.
I want to give her everything. Share everything.
Let her in.
She’s about to sink, her knees bending, but I hold her up. Bring her back to my mouth. I want more. Need more.
Our lips never leave each other, consuming one another. There isn’t an inch of her skin that I don’t want to devour.
I leave her lips and bury my face in her neck. She runs her hands over my head, fingers weaving across the back of my scalp,
through my hair.
Then she seizes. Grips tight. She yanks my head back, hard, exposing the slope of my throat.
I see her. Not her host, not Cara, but her. Lilith. Her eyes just below the surface of her host’s stare. A second set of eyes,
superimposed on the other.
“It’s you,” I say.
“Me.”
Lilith licks the length of my Adam’s apple, still gripping the back of my head. She works her way down to the base of my neck,
that nest of bone, licking the clavicles.
I grab her by the waist and lift. Her feet are off the ground. I pivot away from the door, spin two steps, before slamming
her back against the hallway wall.
Lilith lets out a gasp of surprise. She finds my eyes, grinning a drunken grin, delirious and blissful, channeling the faintest
pant from deep within her chest—these abrupt huffs of air, animalistic, aggressive, rising and falling so fast—before she
kisses me again.
There are no boundaries. No limits to our skin. Our limbs go on for miles. Our bodies blur and blend, becoming the horizon.
We are racing after one another, intertwining.
I won’t let go of her arms. Her hands push back, but I won’t release her, not yet. She senses that she’s pinned, unwilling
to relinquish control. She stares at me, her lips inches away from mine. Her teeth snap, once, then twice. She wants to bite,
but I won’t let her.
“Not yet,” I say.
“When?” I can hear the plea in her breath, the word weighed down.
“Soon.”
I release her. Her hands immediately work their way down my chest, stopping at my waist and pulling up on my shirt until the
skin along my stomach is exposed.
She’s unfastening my belt. Then my pants. Her hand plunges down the front of my boxers, reaching in deep. Her fingernails
scrape skin before finding my cock. She has ahold of me, tightening her grip, face to face, full of desire, that delirious
need inside her eyes, the grin she gives, the exultation.
I grab her hand by the wrist and pull. A flare of anger, that thwarted desire, spreads across her face. I hear her hiss, just
the faintest exhale, sizzling in spit.
I’m not going to make it easy. I’m not going to let go and lose myself just yet. “Slow.”
“No.” Lilith bucks against the wall. Her pelvis pushes off, followed by the rest of her body, shoving me back. She takes hold
of my pants and yanks them down, dropping to her knees.
I drop along with her, the two of us now on the hallway floor, kneeling before one another in supplication. Praying at the
altar of each other’s flesh. Eat, for this is my body.
“When?” she beseeches.
“Now.”
He follows us to the floor. Jordan peels back our jacket, like skinning a rabbit, exposing the soft sinew underneath. Our
skin is still wet with sweat from the dance floor. We are warm. Our muscles taut. We want to tighten and release, expand and
contract.
We force him down, onto his back, splaying him across the floor. Jordan’s limbs reach for us, but we hold him back. Pin him
to the floor by his wrists. He cannot crawl away. Can’t escape.
We find our way on top of him, still holding him in place, our position reminiscent of a wolf about to howl at the full moon.
Look at him, crucified on the floor before us. So defenseless. So vulnerable. He looks up at us and marvels. We are something to be worshipped. Honored.
“What do you see?” we ask.
“You.”
His eyes pierce us. There is no hiding from him, no retreat. He’s drawing me out. Pulling me away from this skin. Unmooring
me.
We collapse upon him. Consume. We want everything. To kiss everything. Devour it all. Leave no trace of his life behind. We
begin with his chest, making most of the flesh exposed to us. Kissing it. Licking at every wound. Every scar guides us to
the next.
There are fresh hemispheres of flesh for us to lavish.
This is our pilgrimage. Our sojourn along his body.
Jordan grips our shoulders. He kisses our left, then bites. The sudden sting elicits a gasp of surprise from us. We push him
down. Pin him in place.
Try that again, we think, hoping he will.
Jordan pulls free from our grip. He’s crawling down the hall, then up to his feet. He takes our hand and guides us toward
the bedroom.
Together we shed the rest of our clothes. They drop to the floor, one article after another. Shirts. Pants. Underwear. We’re
racing for his room now, desperate to reach it.
We’re chasing after him. Ready to pounce. To devour what’s left.
Jordan makes his way through the door and we follow after, leaping those last few steps and finding ourselves upon him, taking
hold of his back.
Jordan pivots on his heel. He takes hold of us, gathering us in his arms.
Gravity is gone. We’re falling.
Down . . .
Down . . .
All the way down.
We’ll never stop falling. Never reach the bottom. Our bodies suspend themselves in the air, spinning, spiraling, as they descend,
an endless plummet. An eternal descent.
An abyss inside ourselves.
We collapse onto the bed together. Lilith is quick to climb on top of me. She crawls along my legs, my waist, before lifting
herself up, arching her back, until she is hovering above.