CHAPTER 1
gemma
The minute I pull into the upscale, gated community of Silver Lake Forest Estates my muscles clench up.
I force air into my lungs and focus on the GPS directions from my mounted phone on the dash. The house party is at the far point of the private lake. I have zero interest in going, but here I am.
I can still taste the sour beer when I think of the last party I went to.
It’s funny how weird details like that linger when all you want to do is forget the whole thing.
Get in, get out. That’s my plan.
I’ll get through this as fast as possible.
My body hasn’t gotten the memo and my stomach flips in protest as I pass a sign for a pool and two tennis courts.
I have no choice, despite not wanting to be on this errand. Mom had to guilt trip me into venturing into the fray to bring Alec home. Damn her wily, motherly ways of applying pressure to all my weak points.
If I didn’t pick Alec up, I could kiss my use of our shared Honda CR-V goodbye and forfeit the keys to Alec’s control. I don’t give up control over anything anymore.
Just the thought of being at the mercy of someone else’s decisions, even my family’s, makes my fingers tighten on the wheel.
I can only guess what awaits me at Lucas Saint’s house. No one would shut up about it as I tried to navigate the halls of my new school. The local golden boy was throwing a big bash to kick off senior year.
A girl in my math class didn’t clock my leave me alone vibe and told me his huge birthday parties always marked the start of the school year.
Catch me running as fast as possible in the opposite direction.
At least, until I was voluntold to go pick up my twin brother.
Siblings are such a blessing.
I love being a taxi service, said no one ever.
The corner of my mouth lifts in a humorless half-smile.
Unlike me, Alec was thrilled to dive straight into the social scene. I guess it was his way of soothing the fits he pitched over moving away from our hometown. As soon as we started senior year at our new school, he tried out for the football team and made varsity for his agility.
He has no trouble fitting in with the crowd while I prefer to keep my head down and watch from afar.
The closer I drive to the party, the tighter my stomach twists into knots.
This neighborhood is way fancier than Ridgeview’s east valley, where my family moved to in July. I drive by a rock climbing gym, for fuck’s sake. What kind of rich people nonsense is this?
I roll my eyes as I turn onto the winding road that cuts back and forth along the incline. Silver Lake Forest Estates sits up on the mountain that divides the town of Ridgeview. Each house I pass is more extra than the last. The ones that boast lakefront property take the cake, with docks and boathouses large enough to count as a modest house.
This side of town is unfamiliar to me. I’ve only spent time getting my bearings and learning my way around my new house, where the middle and upper middle class families are apparently peasants compared to the people living it up here on the west ridge.
A private security truck with the logo of the gated community on the door comes around the bend and heads in the direction I came from.
“Your destination is ahead on the left,”
the automated voice of the GPS tells me.
My stomach feels like the crunch of gravel beneath the tires as I pull up to the party.
God, I hate parties.
They only bring up bad memories and bile in the back of my throat.
Taking a second to give my quivering insides time to settle, I rub my belly and take in the luxury lakeside house. It looms high into the trees with a huge deck jutting from one side and a wraparound front porch. Kids from school swarm the property like rabid ants, clutching red plastic cups that slosh over while they dance and shriek.
My stomach gives another unimpressed roil and I suck in a breath.
The last place I want to be right now is some spoiled rich brat’s party. This is not my scene at all. It hasn’t been for almost two years, not since I was sixteen.
“Let’s get this over with,”
I mumble to myself.
As soon as I climb out of the car, I sidestep to avoid two streaks of dark hair and bare, bouncing boobs that dart past me in the inky dusk falling over the mountains.
I don’t even bother snapping at them to watch it. Things are better for me if I don’t engage.
The streaking girls are followed by two grinning meatheads from the football team. The girls giggle as they strip out of their matching cutoff shorts halfway down the long dock and the guys peel off their practice jerseys.
A scoff escapes me beneath my breath as the four of them dive into the lake, the girls’ squeals echoing.
They aren’t the only people in the water. Several other classmates splash around and huddle close.
Today’s one of those cool early fall days in Colorado, not exactly ideal for skinny dipping.
A round of cheers from the group on the deck draws my attention. I suck my lips between my teeth and try to push down the memories sinking their claws into me. I don’t want to be here, but I need to pick up Alec.
Shoving my hands into the pockets of my jean jacket, I trudge up the stairs to the deck, keeping my eyes peeled for my brother. I weave through the people milling around the deck. It’s tough to look for someone and keep your head down at the same time.
Somebody tries to hand me a beer and I swerve away hard, balling my fists in my pockets while my nostrils flare.
I’m so busy getting the hell away from whoever tried to ply me with a drink that I plow right into the girl from my math class.
“Hey!”
Her soda—and whatever it’s mixed with—splashes over the rim of her cup. I blank on her name and strain to remember the roll call Mrs. Ellis took this morning. Alana?
“Oh, new girl! Hey,”
Maybe-Alana repeats, her voice changing to a friendlier tone. She licks the excess soda dripping from her finger and hooks her arm with mine before I have a chance to move on. “You made it after all. Come on, let’s go wish Lucas a happy birthday.”
I dig my heels in. “Uh, I’m actually just here to get my brother.”
“You have a brother?”
Maybe-Alana ignores my disinterest and waves enthusiastically to one of the cheerleaders. “I think I saw Lucas inside. Let’s check.”
“Elena! Where you going, girl?”
A bulky guy in a Silver Lake High School Coyotes football hoodie calls to us. “I thought you were my beer pong partner next?”
Elena. Shit. I’m glad I didn’t call her by the wrong name aloud.
She flips off the football player and sends him a cheeky grin over her shoulder. “Later! We’re on a mission.”
Elena’s sleek black curls bounce as she leads me inside through a folding glass door. Except, it can’t really be called a door when it’s three panels wide and folds to open an entire wall of the kitchen.
“Damn,” I mutter.
“I know, right?”
Elena titters. “The first time I came here I thought it was Mount Olympus or some shit. But I was, like, ten. The Saints invited the whole fifth grade class for a swimming party for Lucas’ birthday.”
It’s just as packed inside, maybe more so. There’s a set of gold jumbo balloons in the number eighteen stuck to the wall. People dance in a writhing mass in the living room to music pouring out of a surround sound speaker system attached to exposed beams in the vaulted ceiling.
For a second I freeze up. My heart rockets into my throat and I’m sent to that night. A cold, clammy sweat breaks out on the back of my neck.
Elena doesn’t notice—or doesn’t care—as she babbles about knowing Lucas Saint since grade school.
The interior of the house is like a staged design out of an upscale magazine. I focus on that to claw my way out of my memories, back to the present. The kitchen has a massive island at the center with pendant lights that hang down over the white granite countertops.
Rows of hard liquor bottles line the island along with stacks of plastic cups, set up as a self-serve bar.
There’s a farmhouse table by the windows where a game of flip cup is in progress. The groups playing shout nonsense at each other and I spot my brother amongst them reveling in the fun.
Relief spills through me. I can get Alec and get the hell out of here.
“There’s my brother.”
I tug my arm from Elena’s grip and jerk my thumb in his direction. “I’m just going to grab him and go. Um, thanks for showing me around.”
“What? No!”
Elena reaches for me, but I shuffle back. “Stay and hang out!”
“Another time.”
I hold up my hands and back away. I don’t have to tell her I’m lying. She’s been nice enough, but I’m not looking to join in at Silver Lake High School.
Elena pouts, but is easily distracted by a group of girls that lure her on to the makeshift dance floor.
I hover behind Alec at the farm table and watch the game with a detached fascination, seeing an entirely different game with other players unfold before my eyes like an out-of-body experience.
“Come on, come on, come on!”
Alec howls as he jumps up and down for his petite teammate to flip her cup. “You’ve got this! Do it!”
He’s the last one in the lineup, just like that night when we were sixteen.
My eyes slam shut. I take a minute to inhale and exhale in measured breaths through my nose, counting backwards.
“Alec,”
I say in a tight voice.
He ignores me.
Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I jab him in the side with my fingers. “We’ve gotta go. Mom wants us back before she leaves for her shift at the hospital.”
Alec flicks a flat look over his shoulder. Aside from being identical in our dirty blond hair and green eyes, he stands five inches taller than me at five-foot ten. He shakes his head and runs his fingers through the longer hair on top of his head, ruffling it.
Across the table, the other flip cup team shouts unintelligible gibberish, encouraging their final player starting his attempt to flip the cup from the edge of the table. Alec tenses and bangs out a beat on the thick wood.
The petite girl beside Alec manages to flip her cup upright and Alec wastes no time downing his beer. He’s off like a shot flicking the plastic cup. It only takes him two tries before he lands it, sealing the win for his team while the opposite player is still flipping.
“Yeah!”
Alec pumps his fists in the air.
The group around the table erupts in an uproar.
My body tenses and I shove my hands back in my jacket pockets.
“Alec! Alec! Alec!”
They chant it and slap him on the back.
It looks like my brother is already well known. He laughs, wrapping his arms around the girl beside him and fist bumping a tall boy in a soccer captain’s zip up jacket.
“I thought they had us for sure,”
the soccer captain says, waggling his brows.
“Nah, man, not when I’m around.”
A laugh rolls out of Alec again when someone announces another match.
“Bishop! Get over here!”
The shout came from across the room and it draws the soccer captain’s attention. He disappears into the party.
I tug on the back of Alec’s shirt. When he turns to me, I raise my eyebrows.
“Ready?”
His expression closes off. “For another game, you mean?”
“No,”
I say slowly, trying to keep a lid on my annoyance. “To leave. You heard me earlier.”
Alec bumps into my shoulder as he brushes past me. I hold back a grunt of frustration.
He’s been tetchy with me since we moved. Alec was pissed when Dad broke the news a few weeks before we packed up and left Colorado Springs.
“Can you just come with me? Mom said—”
Alec whirls around. “You think I give a shit what Mom said? I’m not leaving. Fuck off, Gemma.”
I grit my teeth.
A few people nearby watch with interest. High school kids are vultures when it comes to drama. They scent it like blood in the water.
My family issues don’t need an audience.
I keep my voice level as I follow Alec. “It doesn’t seem like you’re unhappy here. You fit right in.”
The ice in Alec’s eyes when he glances at me twists my insides. I don’t want to fight with my brother. I’m sorry I was the reason we had to move.
I was ripped from my friends, too.
Forcing out a sigh, I change tactics.
“Mom doesn’t leave for her shift for another hour. If I text her to say we’re stopping for burgers on our way home, can we go soon?”
Alec’s expression shifts enough to tell me he’s considering it. He can’t resist food. We haven’t kept up with our old after school ritual, so maybe I’m getting through to him at last.
“Strawberry milkshakes?”
The corners of my mouth quirk up. “Strawberry milkshakes and fries.”
For a brief moment, we’re not at odds.
Then a pair of strong hands yank me away from my brother by my hips. I’m whipped around and tugged against a wall of hard muscle.
Before I can react, the stranger’s lips cover mine in a demanding kiss.
And just like that, there goes my first fucking kiss.
* * *
...TO BE CONTINUED