Chapter Ten
After that first night with Jade, Shiloh finally relaxed.
She’d passed the test on whether or not she could have a normal relationship again, and she was pleased her strategy worked.
Her old life was done and buried, and Lawrence couldn’t hurt her now.
Days revolved around work and Jade. Most nights, she went home with him, but at least once a week she went back to Vette’s.
Her friend was officially dating Nick, so each understood the other’s need for time with their boyfriend.
Although calling Jade a boyfriend didn’t mesh very well with his bad-boy biker image. She was falling in love with him, and she knew that was a problem. One day, he was going to grow tired of her, and when that happened, she was going to lose her heart and her job all in one painful thrust.
The following Saturday night, rock music was playing, and she was singing along when the door opened. She lifted her head, intending to greet the new client, but the words died on her tongue when she saw who it was.
Him.
Everything froze. Her heart. Her breath.
Time. It all stopped as she stared at Lawrence, her step-father.
Her tormentor. Her nightmare. For a split second, she was back in the home she’d grown up in, trapped against the wall as he pressed into her body.
All she could do was close her eyes and project her mind somewhere else, far away from the pain and degradation he inflicted.
His fetid breath had washed over her face as he grunted with his thrusts.
The hand over her mouth prevented her from screaming.
“Stay away from me.” Jumping to her feet, she meant for the words to come out strong, calm, and decisive, but they almost faded in the warbly tone of her voice.
“I’m sorry?” he asked, cocking his head. Looking confused.
He took off his sunglasses, and she realized it wasn’t Lawrence at all.
Just some random guy who had a minor, passing-glance resemblance.
The damage, however, had already been done.
The dam holding back all those memories she’d tried to contain by plugging her fingers into the leaking holes was no longer sufficient.
It cracked apart in bright, brilliant fashion.
The fear. The hatred. The shame. It all tumbled forth, too strong to ever be put back into the void of nothingness.
The scream that burst out of her had been a long time coming.
She collapsed, just as strong arms caught her, lifting her up.
In some far corner of her mind, she recognized Jade’s scent and wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face against the warmth of his skin.
Tears fell as her carefully constructed world fell apart.
The genie was out of the bottle, without a wish to put it back where it came from.
****
Sometime later, although she had no idea how much later, Shiloh lifted her lashes. When the memory of what happened blazed in technicolor, shame engulfed her. Her body was drained of any energy as helplessness filled the gaping wounds left behind from her meltdown. Tears trickled down her cheeks.
“Shiloh?” a feminine voice asked.
Blinking, she turned her head far enough to see Kira sat next to her.
Relief swamped her because she wasn’t ready yet to face Jade and what was no doubt his disgust. In one fell swoop, she lost everything.
She rolled to her other side and saw that the other woman sat in a comfortable recliner next to a queen-sized bed.
In fact, she had no idea where she was because this wasn’t Vette’s house.
“Where am I?” she asked, scrambling to sit up. Her voice felt scratchy, probably from when she screamed her head off. Embarrassment swamped her on top of everything else.
“The clubhouse,” Kira replied. “Jade’s room. All the men have a room here to crash after drinking or partying.”
“Why am I in Jade’s room?”
“Because this is where he took you.”
Well, duh. Obviously. “I should leave so he doesn’t feel uncomfortable.”
She went to rise, but Kira quickly touched her shoulder, halting her.
“Stay. Please. We have some things to talk about.”
Shiloh didn’t like how that sounded at all. The last thing she wanted was to be berated, but it seemed like she couldn’t escape the lecture coming.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. She clasped her hands, fisting them tightly in an attempt to keep herself from shaking. Waiting for the shoe to drop. Shiloh didn’t think Kira would hit her, but words were just as deadly.
“For what?”
She glanced over. Kira’s head was tilted to the side as she stared in confusion.
“For the spectacle in The Inkpot,” Shiloh replied. “You can tell Jade I—I won’t bother him again.”
“I’m starting to think we’re communicating on two different wavelengths,” Kira said. “Do you honestly think Jade is mad at you?”
She asked sincerely, without any malice.
“I probably lost him that client.”
“Fuck the client.” Jade’s suddenly deep voice from out of nowhere had both women jumping.
“Jade,” Kira scolded.
“Sorry, Queen.”
Kira rolled her eyes and smiled. “I told you I wanted to talk to Shiloh alone. Please leave.”
Jade slid his gaze to her, and suddenly Shiloh started crying. She would miss him. She would miss all of them. It was too much for her heart to handle.
“Hey, don’t cry,” Jade said as he rushed toward her. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her into his arms. “I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
Wait. Did I hear that correctly? Shiloh pulled back to study his face. Honesty and warmth made his emerald eyes shine, and it confused the hell out of her.
“Aren’t you mad at me?”
“What?” he asked, surprised. “Why would I be mad?”
“Because I caused a scene at the shop.”
“Shiloh, I was worried about you.”
Now that did surprise her. “Me?”
“Baby, you collapsed, screaming. Nero had to give you a sedative so he could examine you and make sure you weren’t hurt anywhere.”
She stiffened. “Examine me?”
“Don’t worry, I was there,” Kira supplied. “He didn’t do anything inappropriate.”
Was this what it was like to have people care about you? Shiloh had no reference to fall back on in an effort to understand what all this meant.
“I thought it was him,” she mumbled.
If you utter a demon’s name, doesn’t it rise up to steal your soul?
“Him?” Jade asked.
“My stepfather,” she whispered. “He, uh, isn’t a good man.”
Silence fell, wrapping around her with icy arms of fear and pain. She tried to rebuild the wall she once constructed around her memories, but the bricks were now impossible to lift.
“Jade,” Kira said softly. “Could you get me, Sinn?”
He frowned at her. “I don’t want to leave Shiloh.”
“I know, but we need to first talk to her privately-”
“It’s okay,” Shiloh interrupted. “He can stay.”
“Are you sure?”
She nodded. “He needs to know what’s wrong with me.”
Jade quickly texted Sinn to join them.
“Nothing is wrong that support and love can’t fix,” Kira replied, smiling gently. “You’re a special girl, Shiloh. I knew, as soon as you sat down in my diner, that you came into our lives for a reason.”
“You wouldn’t say that if you knew what happened to me,” she muttered.
Kira placed her hand on top of Shiloh’s shoulder. “Despite what happened to you. Victims aren’t to blame, but they carry that burden for the rest of their lives. So, it’s either deal with and overcome them, or let them drown you.”
Shiloh frowned, ready to say something, but the door opened, and Sinn walked in. He gave her and Jade a confused look, then turned his questioning gaze to Kira.
“You needed me?”
Kira rose and pointed to the recliner. “Sit. We need to talk to Kira. She has our trauma.”
The usual happy-go-lucky vibe that Sinn put out suddenly dimmed as he gave Kira a sobering look. Jade climbed on the bed so he could sit next to her while Sinn took the chair with Kira balancing on the armrest.
“Before I met Saint and Sinn,” Kira said softly, “I had a boyfriend who wanted desperately to join the Bone Breakers in Laramie. One night, at a club party, he made me roll a dice. It was a three, and he informed me that was the number of men I had to service in order for him to get into the club.”
Horror filled Shiloh. She reached out for Jade, and he took hold of her hand, threading their fingers together.
“I was raped by three men, and it defined me for years,” she finished calmly. “That moment of my life took a toll on my psyche, my heart, and my health. It wasn’t until I was surrounded by people who cared enough to piece me back together that I confronted what I thought would always haunt me.”
“It doesn’t bother you anymore?” she asked, her voice sounding hollow with doubt.
“It will always bother me,” Kira replied. “But it doesn’t have razor blades anymore.”
Sinn laid a hand on her knee, and Kira gave him a loving look. It was such a beautiful picture that it made Shiloh’s heart ache. She wanted that, but how could she move past what happened?
“Saint and I were seventeen-year-old kids in the system when we got sent to a farm,” Sinn spoke, taking over the conversation. “I was an inch or so shorter than Saint. Back then, a little less defined in muscle. Maybe that was why the foster bastard we were sent to targeted me.”
Did that mean ... was he...?
“It’s a snapshot in my life I don’t describe because that would give that asshole more power over me. I made peace with what happened, but it took a lot of time and self-help books, and of course, my brother helping me through the rough patches.”
Shiloh looked back and forth at them. They were courageous and brave, with a strength she didn’t think she’d ever have.
“You understand what happened to me.”
Kira smiled kindly. “It’s not the club we wanted to be in, but we’re members all the same.”
“You’re not alone,” Sinn said.
“Let us help you,” Kira murmured.
Shiloh glanced at Jade, and he gave her an encouraging nod.