Chapter Twelve
“I know the scars are repulsive.”
They lay in his bed as the morning sun slowly approached. She rested on his chest, with his arms wrapped around her, cradling her. The beat of his heart beneath her ear soothed her.
He kissed her shoulder. “Your scars don’t repulse me. I only care about how and why you got them. Not about what they look like. Each ridge of scar tissue only makes me angrier at what that man did to you.”
With a quick glance to search his face, he seemed to be telling the truth.
“And I know we didn’t use protection,” he continued. “Whatever happens, we’ll tackle it together.”
The breath in her lungs temporarily froze as she weighed the pros and cons of her next move, all within a blink of her eyes.
“I can’t have babies,” she said softly.
He frowned. “What?”
She knew she had to tell him the rest of the story. Explain in a calm and matter-of-fact manner. He was either going to find her disgusting, or he was going to pity her, and she didn’t want to see which one would win.
“Once I graduated, I ran away from my mom and Lawrence.” She took a deep breath.
“Did a bunch of shitty things for a while. Stole. Drugs. Drank. Sex. Ended up with this guy and got knocked up. That was a wake-up call. My baby became my only focus, and I knew I had to change the way I was living my life.”
This was the part that gave her nightmares. In order to tell it, she had to relive it, so she retreated into her mind and kept to the facts.
“My boyfriend didn’t want the baby or me anymore, so he contacted Lawrence.
I was ambushed and beaten until I was black and blue.
I lost the baby. Unfortunately, Lawrence didn’t take me to the hospital, and I developed a bad infection.
I was told it was life and death, and sometimes I wished they had let me go the death route.
Instead, I lived, but I lost my uterus. So, no babies for me. ”
Warm hands cupped her face and tilted her head up so she looked him in the eyes.
“That doesn’t bother me,” he told her softly.
“What if it does later on?”
“It won’t,” he assured. “If my life had revolved around starting a family, I would’ve done it long before now. But that was never my intention in this life. Not then, not now. I just want you.”
Tears welled up in her eyes. There wasn’t condemnation or disgust on his face.
Instead, there was a fierce possessiveness reflecting back at her that she didn’t know how to interpret.
Then, she realized it was vengeance, but not aimed at her.
No, he was furious at those who hurt her. He was declaring he was on her side.
“When Lawrence found out I couldn’t become pregnant, he took full advantage of that fact.”
“That’s why he raped you,” he concluded. “No proof, so he would never face consequences.”
She didn’t respond. She didn’t have to.
“I’m definitely going to kill him.”
It took a moment for her to swallow down the emotions tearing through her to regain her ability to speak.
“He said it was my body that drove him to sin.” She thumped her chest. “Called me a whore. A succubus. That’s when I figured out the real reason he wanted me to go through the Penance. Not to cleanse my soul, but his.”
“The Devil isn’t in you,” he whispered. “It’s in him.”
Jade pulled her into his arms and held her. Tears rolled down her face as she let go of all the emotion that she had bottled up. The anger. The pain. Grief from her loss, as well as what could have been.
“Tighter,” she whispered brokenly. “Hold me tighter.”
So, he did, and for the first time, she knew she wouldn’t shatter into a thousand pieces.
Jade didn’t give her platitudes that everything was going to be okay.
That time would take away the bone-deep agony that had been her constant companion for far too long.
Nothing would ever take her back to the girl she used to be, and he didn’t promise her rose-colored glasses.
Then something amazing happened. The band around her heart, the last wall she had built, crumbled. Jade slipped through. She trusted him, completely.