Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
Anna couldn’t sleep. She lay in the grand bed staring at the wooden engravings on the bedposts, wearing her new nightdress that her mother had purchased specifically for her wedding night embroidered with nightingales.
When Silas had left, Anna had called for Lena to come and help her get ready for bed.
Even though she knew Silas would not be coming back, she found her body tensing as Lena unbuttoned the pretty dress Beatrice had loaned her.
Her eyes continually flicked back to the door as Lena pulled out her hairpins.
“Don’t braid it,” Anna said, holding up a hand to stop Lena once her hair was a loose mass of golden curls around her head. “I shall wear it loose tonight.”
“Of course, Madame.”
It was the first time Anna had been called by the honorific title of a married woman.
It made her stomach turn with anxiety. She was someone’s wife now, she was Silas’ wife.
He was unlike any man she had met. She had interacted with many handsome men in society; she had danced intimate dances at balls and held whispered, flirtatious conversations on terraces, but she had never had any gentleman touch her the way Silas had.
“Silas - I mean, Mr Klane, he will stay all night in the study?”
She watched as Lena turned down the quilt and set the candle on the nightstand, removing the warming pan from between the sheets.
“It is likely, Madame.” Lena avoided her eyes as she held the quilt back for Anna to slide in. “That is his habit.”
“Thank you. Good night, Lena.”
“Good night, Madame.”
Lena left, smiling softly. Anna thought she detected a glimmer of pity in her eye.
After all, her new husband, perhaps the most handsome man she had ever met, was declining her company on their wedding night.
This was not what Anna had imagined married life would be like, but then she had never imagined being married to a man like Silas, who was essentially still a stranger. Yet, he didn’t kiss like a stranger.
Her face blushed against the soft pillowcase just to remember it.
She rolled over, pushing her face into the pillow and groaning in frustration.
She couldn’t understand him! He had barely said a word throughout dinner, had alternated between being rude, adversarial and oddly honest in their stilted conversation.
Still, when he looked at her, she saw such disturbing, thrilling hunger in his eyes.
She sighed, heavily, glancing at the carriage clock on the nightstand.
It was nearing midnight. She pulled herself out of bed and crossed to the window, opening it to let in a little night air.
She felt a little uneasy about sleeping in the dark in a new room, especially alone.
Fallenbrook was much more remote than the Adley estate and framed by dense forest. Anna tried not to think of what Giovanni had said about it being haunted.
Every sound in the strange house was amplified in the low light.
She heard the creak of Silas in the study.
She heard the whoosh of the wind in the trees outside.
Then, suddenly a shrieking sound of a flying owl from the garden outside.
Anna jumped and gasped. She inhaled quickly, trying to steady her breath.
“Anna?”
She let out a little scream and turned around, clutching her hand to her chest. Silas stood in the doorway, holding up a candle.
“Silas,” she gasped. “You startled me!”
“Why aren’t you abed?” Silas frowned. She saw with a jolt of her heart he was dressed only in his trousers and was shirtless.
“I was putting out the candles and then I heard an owl and and I was afraid.” She had said the words before she had even really thought of them. Silas raised his eyebrows.
“You are afraid?”
“Not of you or the house exactly,” Anna gabbled. “Just to be alone in a new room is, well, a bit frightening.”
Anna looked away, ashamed. She must have sounded like a silly child to him.
She waited for him to chastise her, to send her to bed like a nervous little girl, but he said nothing.
Then she heard him walk into the room. She looked up to see him crossing to the other side of the bed and setting the candle down.
“What are you doing?” she blurted out.
“I will stay here until you are asleep.” He sat down, stretching his long legs out over the top of the quilt, and reached for one of the books.
“You - you can’t.”
Anna thought desperately of how his kiss had made her feel. She couldn’t possibly sleep next to him!
“It is my house, I may do as I wish.”
Anna opened her mouth but closed it again to avoid looking foolish. He was absolutely right. Apart from it being his house, she was also his wife and this was his bed. He was supposed to be there.
Silas looked at her, eyebrows raised. “Well, come on. Get back in.”
Anna scurried to obey him, feeling absurdly awkward as she slipped under the quilt and laid her head on the pillow.
Anna felt very aware of the weight of his body in the mattress.
She had sometimes slept with her mother or with a maid when she was growing up, but having another person in her bed as an adult was completely foreign to her.
She tried not to move so as not to disturb him.
She tried not to breathe loudly. Oh goodness, what if she rolled into his body in her sleep?
What if she snored? What if she had one of her nightmares about Andrew and called out his name in her sleep?
She clenched her fists tight against the pillow. She would never get to sleep like this!
“Anna. Stop it.”
Her eyes flew open and she looked up at Silas, who was glaring down at her with dark eyes.
“Stop what?” Anna squeaked.
“Stop trying so hard. Breathe, for God’s sake.” Silas sighed and lifted his eyes to the ceiling. “Who knew having a wife would be so similar to having another sister?”
“What do you mean?” Anna frowned.
“For years, Beatrice could not sleep, either. I must have read the entire works of Heraclitus whilst waiting for her to drop off. Just act like I’m not here.”
“But you are here!”
Anna felt a surge of frustration that bypassed her awkwardness. He acted like it was the easiest thing in the world to let your guard down in front of a stranger, as if he would ever do such a thing.
“It may come as a surprise to someone like you, but I’m not familiar with sleeping in a bed with someone of the opposite sex!”
“Someone like me?” Silas snapped his book shut and raised his dark eyebrows. “My, my, aren’t we feeling judgmental tonight?”
“Well, it can hardly be your first time.” Anna pushed a piece of hair out of her eyes, annoyed. “It’s not judgmental if it’s true.”
“You assume that I’m some sort of libertine?” Silas’ face was stormy. “That I have a string of scorned women behind me? You know nothing about me.”
“Oh please, I know enough.” Anna thought of the disreputable things she had heard about him. She thought of the way he had kissed her. “Besides, no man can kiss as well as that with no practice.” She huffed, rolling away from him and pulling the quilt tight over her shoulders.
“Oh, is that what you think?” Silas chuckled softly behind her. “Well, my dear, I couldn’t help but notice that you kissed me back. It seems I am not the only one who has had practice.”
“How dare you!” Anna gasped, sitting bolt upright and glaring at him.
“Here are the facts.” Silas folded his hands, looking infuriatingly amused by her response. “You’ve been out in society for nearly ten years. Were there no stolen kisses at balls, no blushing young men chasing you around the town? No ill-advised fumbles at the summer garden party?”
“No!” Anna pushed his shoulder angrily, instinctively responding to his teasing in the same way she had used to respond to her brother when he did the same thing. “Never!”
“I don’t believe you,” Silas smirked. “We’re married now, you don’t have to lie about being completely untouched. I couldn’t take you back if I wanted to.”
“I am untouched!”
Anna knew she was becoming shrill, but she was so enraged by his suggestion.
Silas was right, she had been out since her sixteenth birthday.
It was a long time to remain eligible, and an unmarried lady of her age had to suffer rumors and pity as well as fight to maintain an impeccable reputation.
She had done it with gritted teeth and a pretty smile, and the idea that he would even think she might be sullied was insulting.
He seemed to find her agitation very amusing and settled comfortably back against the headboard.
“Well, evidently not completely or how else did you know to kiss me back?”
“I kissed you back because I wanted to!” Anna exclaimed. “It was my first kiss! I wanted it to last!” Anna hadn’t realized what she had said until she saw that Silas had stopped smiling.
“Is that so?” he spoke softly, his eyes never leaving her face.
“Yes!”
Anna swallowed hard, trying not to be distracted by the blush she could feel creeping up her face. She had started to say it now, she might as well keep going. Taking a deep breath, she plunged ahead. “I am your wife, this is our wedding night. I had… expectations.”
“Expectations?”
Silas’ face was unreadable, but Anna kept going. She needed him to take her seriously, as a woman and a wife. “You said that you wouldn’t demand my body, and I respect you for that but… you don’t need to demand it.” Anna found that she was breathing hard. “I’m your wife. I’m ready.”
Silas looked at her for a long, agonizing moment. She felt his gaze linger over her face and body like the pass of a hot flame close to her skin. Finally, he shook his head.
“You are not ready.”
“As you’ve already so kindly implied, I’m hardly a young girl anymore. I know my own mind.” Anna lifted her chin and glared at him. How dare he patronize her?
“Not on this matter.” Silas set the book back on the nightstand. “Believe me, I know.”
“How could you possibly know?” Anna demanded.
“Like this.”
Silas leaned forward and grabbed Anna’s neck, pulling her towards him, so their lips met in a rush of softness and warm breath.
Anna inhaled quickly through her nose as she felt the flicker of Silas’ tongue against her lips, tempting her mouth to open and to taste the warm heat of Silas’ tongue, teasing and dancing against hers.
Silas’ hands were in her hair, tugging gently, tangling and pulling in a way that sent an unexpected quiver down her spine.
She was filled with a desire that was both raw and frightening, and her stomach lurched with panic.
She pulled away, gasping, her trembling fingers reaching up to press against her swollen lips.
Silas looked into her face, his lips curling in a wry smile.
“That is how I know,” he whispered. “You’re not ready.”
Anna stared at him, unable to move or speak.
He was right. She wasn’t ready to give her body to a man she hardly knew, even if that man was her husband.
A rebellious part of her wished she could have proven him wrong, but she had to be true to herself.
She may not be a debutante but she was still a virgin and wanted to share such a thing with a man she loved, who loved her, too.
She nodded slowly. Silas nodded and flopped back on the bed.
Anna tried to slow her racing heart back down as the couple lay side by side, staring at the canopy of the bed, and the carriage clock on the nightstand sweetly chimed for midnight.
“It was truly your first kiss?” His voice was no longer mocking in tone, just gently curious. “A beautiful woman like yourself, I imagine many gentlemen of society would have happily been your first.”
Anna snorted. “Them? Silly boys and cads kissing their way through debutantes? No, thank you.”
“Oh, you made many refusals?”
“Let’s just say a firm tap on the nose with a fan works as well for a beagle and a man.”
Silas laughed. It was the same joyful, spirited laugh she had heard him use with Beatrice rather than the sardonic, worldly laugh he had previously used with her. Anna smiled despite herself.
“You must teach Beatrice that one!” He chortled. “She can use it to ward off unsuitable suitors.”
“I’d be happy to.” Anna yawned despite herself, trying to stifle it behind her hand. Silas smirked at her.
“You should try to sleep now, Anna.” His voice was soft. “I’ll be here.”
“All right.”
Anna snuggled down into the quilt. She felt him pull the blanket a little higher around her shoulders and settle a little lower into the bed so that her face was closer to his chest and she could smell his warm, spicy scent.
It was strangely comforting. She didn’t want him to leave.
So far, her wedding night had met exactly none of her expectations.
She remembered her mother’s words. She must give love a chance.
She must give Silas a chance. As she fell asleep, she resolved to keep trying.