Chapter 2 #3
Nothing could be further from the truth in Alice's mind, but she saw the pleading expression on her mother's face and could not contradict her.
Despite the whirlwind of fear, fury, and despair inside of her, she could never knowingly cause her mother pain. Holding her breath tightly and not trusting herself to speak, Alice looked at the old Duke, at her father, and nodded curtly.
"Thank you, my child," the Duke whispered, reaching his other hand for hers. Alice let him take it, feeling numb, noticing absently how cold and papery his skin felt. "Now, some people are coming to meet you both this evening. They will help you acclimate to your new positions in the coming days."
Alice nodded once more. She had no idea what was expected of her going forward, but she knew she would do her best for the sake of her mother. The new Duchess would require her daughter's assistance, and Alice promised herself that she would do whatever it took to help.
Alice was given accelerated lessons in deportment and etiquette over the next few weeks, and she was tasked with learning the names and titles of the peerage. It was a complicated process, but Alice immersed herself in her studies.
Her mother was allowed to skip such lessons because she had previously worked as a lady's maid and possessed the necessary knowledge.
She spent almost all of her time at the Duke's side, only leaving for fittings with the dressmaker, who came to the manor on a regular basis, or for the few callers she received as the new Duchess.
Alice was also forced to sit through countless fittings for her new wardrobe.
She could avoid awkward encounters with the curious nobility because she was not considered 'out' to society, which was a welcome relief.
However, she had to make time to visit the old Duke.
His health was failing rapidly, and her mother begged her to spend time with her father before it was too late.
Towards the end of his life, these visits mainly consisted of Alice sitting by his bedside and listening to his labored breaths while her mother sat beside her, quietly telling her stories of her relationship with the Duke.
Alice suspected that most of these tales had been romanticized in her mother's mind to make them more palatable.
Still, she held her tongue and listened dutifully.
One morning some eight weeks after Alice learned of her parentage, the Duke had lapsed into unconsciousness.
She and her mother had been summoned by the physician immediately.
They sat vigil by his side well into the evening.
A storm raged outside as Alice watched a ragged breath slowly exhale from her father's lips for the last time.
She watched as her mother cried out and fell onto the bed, pressing her face against the Duke's still chest, and sobbing piteously, begging him to stay with her.
She allowed her mother to grieve for a time before ringing for the butler.
She informed the man of the Duke's passing and asked him to summon the Duchess's lady’s maid, a former chamber maid recently elevated in status, and the physician.
After they settled her mother into her room and gave her a dose of laudanum to calm her, Alice returned to her father's chambers.
She stood over the man who had sired her in silence and felt a tear escape her eye.
For her entire life, he had wielded power over her and her mother, and in the end, he was nothing more than a wretched old man with more regrets than joys.
Alice felt sorrow for this as well as for herself.
Not because she had been denied the luxuries that should have come with being a Duke's daughter, but because she had never had the chance to get to know the Duke as a father.
So many opportunities had been taken away from her — it hurt her to imagine what kind of relationship she and the Duke could have had if he had been brave enough to claim it.
She allowed her tears to flow freely for all they had lost as individuals and as a family. When her tears were spent, she leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss against the Duke's cold, wrinkled cheek.
"You have my forgiveness, father. But I can never allow a child of mine to be anything like you," she murmured as she straightened.
Her father had been born into one of England's highest stations, but it had not provided him with the life he desired.
He had been forced to conform to society's expectations.
He'd married someone he didn't love and couldn't respect.
He had kept his love in the shadows rather than face his father's wrath and lose his fortune.
He'd abandoned his only child until it was almost too late, and for what?
In the end, what did being a duke gain him?
Nothing of real value, of that Alice, was sure.
She turned and walked to the door. Before departing, she looked at her father one last time and made a silent vow.
She would bear no child who would be forced to make the kind of choices the Duke and her mother had. The Fitzroy name would end with her.