Chapter 9 #2
“Yes, Alice, you certainly do,” Alice’s mother said.
She was sitting on Alice’s bed, wearing a lavender-colored gown detailed with tiny crystal beads along the bodice and hem.
Her mother had reluctantly agreed to join Alice for the opera that evening.
After three days of thinking about Marco, his kisses, and his deep voice, Alice felt she could not be more ready.
“Is that a new gown, my dear? It suits you.”
“Thank you, Mama,” Alice said, stroking down the front of her new dress.
It was made of rich eggplant silk that turned to a softer, shimmering amethyst in the light.
A black velvet braid snaked under her bust, and the neckline and puffed sleeves were edged in black lace.
A stunning cameo broach was affixed to the center of her bodice, drawing the eye to her ample décolletage.
Beth had pinned small silk violets in her upswept hair.
Alice thought she looked fine indeed, even if the gossiping matrons would scoff at her choice of colors.
"Do you think it will do for an answer to a proposal, whether it be acceptance or rejection?
“You are seriously considering rejecting Mr. Alegria?” her mother asked, staring at Alice's reflection in the vanity mirror with astonishment.
“Does that mean you wish me to accept him?” Alice returned.
“Of course I do!” her mother exclaimed. “Darling, he is unlike any gentleman we have met in the ton. He is kind, honest, and a hard worker. He would make you an excellent husband.”
“He is all of those things.”
“And quite handsome, too,” her mother added with a sly smile.
“Mama,” Alice rolled her eyes, trying to hide how her cheeks had begun blushing just thinking of Marco’s chiseled face. “Do not be insipid.”
“I am being no such thing. I am quite in earnest,” her mother protested. “Beth, is he not a divinely handsome man?”
“Oh, yes, Your Grace,” Beth said, but there was something in Beth’s tone that told Alice she was not enjoying the conversation.
“You look concerned, Beth,” she said softly. Beth caught her eye in the mirror, then dropped her eyes and reached for the black pearl earrings Alice would wear this evening.
“I would not presume...”
“Oh, hush. Do not grow missish on me. Speak as plainly as you always have,” Alice said impatiently. “What is your opinion of Mr. Alegria?”
“I admit he is very polite and handsome and that he even seems kind,” Beth said stiffly.
“But?”
“Well, everything is moving rather quickly, is it not?” Beth said reluctantly. “He introduces himself to you at a ball one night, and the next, he proposes marriage. The timing is a bit suspicious, is all.”
“You think he sought me out for my fortune,” Alice surmised, staring at her friend and lady’s maid in the mirror.
“I am only saying it is possible, my lady. After all, every other gentleman you have met has.” Beth caught Alice’s eye. “What makes him any different from the rest?”
Alice took a deep breath and decided it was probably best if she confessed the truth now rather than later.
She could not imagine her mother would be happy with Alice's decision. If she intended to accept Marco’s proposal that evening, her mother would need time to adjust to the idea of a future without grandchildren.
“I suppose he is different because he has agreed to my terms,” Alice said.
“What terms are those, dearest?” her mother asked, frowning.
“He has promised to forego producing an heir," Alice said simply, then focused on putting on her earrings. When she looked up again, her mother was staring at her, and Beth decidedly avoided her gaze.
“He has truly agreed to such a thing?” the Dowager questioned.
“He has,” Alice kept her voice even, hoping she did not betray any of the anticipation she felt.
She had spent nearly every waking moment since they parted thinking of Marco.
Reliving their kisses and imagining more.
The thought of seeing him again soon sent tingles down her arms. But she could not think of that now.
"I am only considering marrying him to be free of the gentlemen who have made it their mission to snare me and my dowry. "
“So you would marry him just so you do not have to marry anyone else?" her mother asked, perplexed.
“Well, when love is not an option, it seems as good a reason as any,” Alice said, her voice light and playful. Then she caught her mother’s gaze in the mirror. Her mother looked almost as sad as the night the Duke passed away.
“Why would you do this, Alice darling?” her mother whispered. “Why do you not want children?”
Alice caught Beth’s eye. She knew immediately that Beth understood her reasons, as would everyone else below stairs.
She had been miserable every day of her childhood with the sideways glances and outright disdain.
Alice was a bastard, and any child of hers would also carry that taint, even if they were conceived in wedlock.
The blot would follow them every day of their lives, and all of her former friends below stairs knew how much she hated that.
Alice's mother was another matter entirely.
She saw her romance as full of strife but ultimately that the strife had been worth it since she was with the man she loved.
And, in the end, she had emerged vindicated as the Dowager Duchess of Fitzroy.
Alice knew that vindication did not extend to her.
She would forever be tarnished by the circumstances of her birth more than her mother was for being the Duke's mistress.
“Mother, this is not something we need to discuss,” Alice said, knowing prolonging the conversation when she would not change her mind would only cause more pain.
“Is this because of your father?” her mother pressed.
“Beth, would you please leave us for a moment?” Alice asked politely, and Beth bobbed a curtsy and quickly left the room. Alice was grateful for her quiet understanding. Thankful that Beth wasn’t as deluded as her mother about what the future would hold for Alice.
“Mother?” Alice said quietly, but her mother only shook her head, tears formed in her eyes that sent a spike of anguish to Alice's heart. She did not wish to cause her pain.
“I cannot bear that I have ruined your chance of happiness through the choices I made for you."
“No, Mama. I will not allow you to assign blame to yourself," Alice said heavily as she sat down on the bed and put her arm around her mother. “I do not want you to regret your choices. You had your reasons as I have mine.”
“You know your father loved us both in his own way, Alice. And he tried to make amends in the end,” her mother said tearfully.
Alice took a deep breath. It was completely natural that her mother felt this way, and how could she fault her for those feelings?
She had been in love with the Duke for more than twenty years, and he had always treated her kindly in his own way.
Her mother just never realized how much her relationship with the Duke negatively impacted her as Alice ensured her mother never knew all she had to endure growing up.
“I understand, Mother, but that does not remove the stain of what I am because of him,” Alice said carefully.
“But you forgave him. You told me you did,” her mother said in a pleading voice.
“I did, but that does not change the way he treated me and does not change my reality.
All he did by settling this money and title on me was make me a pawn for the ton.
I am at the mercy of the marriage mart, prime goods to be bartered for, and nothing more," Alice said, distaste coloring her voice.
“You make it sound far worse than it is,” her mother protested.
“Do I?” Alice could feel her frustration breaking.
“For the last year, my name has been bandied around the gentleman's clubs.
They all scorn me for my birth and then vie for my favor because I am the Duke's heiress.
They do not even see me as a person; they see nothing but a title for their son and money for their pockets.
I would never bring a child into society knowing what they would face. "
“Then raise them in the country! You need not bring them to the city,” her mother said.
“I have no desire to raise a duke!” Alice exclaimed. “I do not want my child to have the title that has done nothing but hurt me. I will not do it.”
She had never said the words aloud before, but she knew they were true.
She swallowed heavily and tried to stay strong in the face of her mother's tears.
She would not make a child endure what she had, even if they did it in luxury.
The dukedom was nothing but a curse to her and so it would end with her.
“My darling, please think about this,” her mother whimpered.
“No, Mama, my decision has been made,” Alice said firmly, getting up and walking over to the full-length mirror in the corner to inspect her gown for wrinkles. As she did so, she was accosted by a memory from her past.