Chapter Twenty-Three
Hayden
Like a Stone
Audioslave
Luc’s house smells like bourbon, turkey, nutmeg, and it’s absolute chaos.
Laughter carries through every room the second I step inside.
Warm light spills across hardwood floors while soft rock music hums in the background through speakers overhead.
The entire place feels lived in now in a way it never did before Lily and Larkin moved in.
I shrug out of my coat and hang it on the rack seconds before a small blonde blur barrels directly into my legs. “Hay-den!”
I look down just in time to catch Larkin as she wraps both arms around one of my knees, her curls bouncing wildly around flushed cheeks.
“Well.” I bend enough to scoop her up against my side. “You’re full of energy.”
“She had pie.” Luc strolls past carrying two beer bottles with zero concern for the tiny dictator attempting to steal my watch. “Sugar turned her into a domestic terrorist.”
“I’m not a tear-ist.” Her tiny voice blurts from my side.
“That’s exactly what a terrorist would say.” Her dad echoes on a laugh.
Larkin feigns a dramatic gasp. From the kitchen, Lily points a wooden spoon in Luc’s direction without turning around from the stove. “Leave my child alone.”
“ Our child just threatened Dean with a gravy spoon.”
“She had valid concerns.”
Dean emerges from the living room with impeccable timing and points at Lily. “Your daughter fights dirty.”
“She’s smart,” Lily fires back in defense.
The entire room dissolves into overlapping laughter while Larkin tries to steals a beer bottle out of Luc’s hand like she just won a grammy. And for the first time in a long time, I notice something strange settle low in my chest while I look around the room.
It’s not envy. It’s quieter than that, which makes it far more dangerous, because it’s a profound realization that I belong here.
Mikey and Quinn are tangled together on one end of the couch in the living room, Quinn’s sock-covered feet thrown over his lap while he rubs circles against her ankle during an argument with Dean about whether deep-frying turkey should be illegal.
“It is illegal,” Quinn states with confidence. “Maybe not technically, but on a spiritual level.”
Dean points at her like she’s just solved a murder. “THANK YOU.”
Mikey glances up from his drink. “You both need to expand your vision of what it means to cook the perfect turkey.”
“You almost blew up your apartment with ramen last month,” Luc calls from the kitchen.
“That was unrelated.”
“You forgot to take the fork out of the cup, and you think we’re going to let you play with oil and fire.” Luc admonishes with a loud chuff.
Another round of laughter. I should feel relaxed here.
This is as close to a family as I’ll ever get.
The closest thing I’ve ever really had to one since Emily.
And yet, all afternoon something sits wrong beneath my skin.
It’s subtle and persistent, like an itch that won’t go away even after you scratch it.
Like I forgot something important before leaving the apartment this morning.
Lily appears beside me long enough to steal Larkin back into her arms before handing me a whiskey without asking. “You seem distracted.”
“I’m fine.” I take a grateful sip of the drink.
The look she gives me says she doesn’t believe that for a second. I know she’s probably right, but I don’t want to discuss it. At least not out loud. And of course, my attention keeps drifting toward my phone sitting face down on the coffee table.
Not enough to qualify as an obsession, but enough that I know I’m flirting with it.
Not that anyone but me is counting or has even noticed.
Vanessa did text me earlier today. Nicole convinced her to go shopping downtown this afternoon because apparently Vanessa “needed human interaction beyond one emotionally constipated bass player.”
I stared at that message longer than I should have before realizing she meant me.
Then I bought her a scarf I noticed her looking at online the other night as an early Christmas present. Which somehow feels like proving her point. A small smile pulls at my mouth before disappearing again.
Luc notices of course and points a finger in my direction with a knowing look on his face. “Oh, no.”
I glance up. “What?”
“I know that look.” He takes a swig of his beer, a wide grin breaking across his face as he stares across the room at me.
“What look?”
“The one where you smile like a lunatic for five seconds, start to resemble a functioning human being, then stop before anyone notices.” His grin turns smug as he nods at me. “Only a girl does that to someone.”
Dean almost chokes on his beer laughing from the couch as he sits up straighter, nodding in agreement.
Mikey tips his glass in my direction. “We’ve all noticed, by the way.”
My shoulders tense before I can stop the reaction. “Noticed what?”
“That you disappear the second a session is called for the night,” Dean chirps in. “Like Cinderella, if Cinderella had a secret she didn’t want her evil step-sisters to know about.”
“Are you guys supposed to be the evil step-sisters?” I take a long draw of the whiskey in my hand.
“I’m not sure about evil, but they are definitely your sister’s!” Quinn giggles.
My brow furrows as I glance around the room, and wonder if I had in fact been that secretive about my relationship with Vanessa. And why? Why was I doing that? I wasn’t sure, and the dangerous thing is that they weren’t wrong.
I know exactly what they’re talking about.
Every night after the studio, my brain immediately shifts toward Vanessa now.
Meeting her after work. Going back to her apartment.
The way her smile and laugh make me feel lighter.
The smell of her shampoo on my pillow. The way she looks up when I walk through her door like she was waiting for me.
Jesus Christ . I’d gone and fallen back in love with her. That reality of it lands hard enough that I drain the rest of my whiskey in one swallow.
Luc watches me over the rim of his beer for a second longer than the others. He’s too perceptive, always has been. “Does she make you happy?”
The question cuts through the room sharper than it should. And in one quick motion, everyone is looking at me. Dean. Sadie. Mikey. Quinn. Even Lily pauses in the kitchen. I should deflect. Normally I would. Instead, my answer leaves me before I fully think about it.
“Yeah.”
Silence.
Not bad silence. It’s a surprised silence. Because I don’t do love. Or serious. Mikey recovers first, pointing a drumstick in my direction. “I knew it.”
Dean presses a hand against his chest. “He admitted an emotion. Someone write this date down.”
“Shut up.”
Sadie flashes a wide grin. “It’s about time. You were like an island out there all on your own.”
Quinn speaks next. “So, when do we get to meet her?”
Lily answers for me. “Leave him alone you guys. Hayden will let us know when he’s ready.”
I smile over at her with gratitude. “Thanks, Lily.”
“I might just follow you home one night.” Mikey warns, his eyes narrowing as he stares over at me. “I want to know who this mystery woman is.”
“You couldn’t keep up.” I shoot back, meaning every word.
Laughter breaks the tension afterward, but something heavy settles in my chest while the conversation shifts around me again.
Because the truth is, I am happy. Enough that I can’t ignore it.
And somehow that realization makes Vanessa’s absence, and the fact that I didn’t bring her, feel worse as the afternoon wears on.
By six o’clock, the house is louder than ever. There are more people, the music has been turned up, dessert has been served, and the drinks are flowing like water on a hot summer day. Larkin is somehow still awake despite running entirely on pie and chaos.
And all at once, I don’t want to be here anymore.
Not because I dislike it, but because I keep reaching for someone who isn’t here.
Every funny story, every ridiculous argument, every burst of laughter, I wonder what Vanessa would think.
Or knowing that Vanessa would destroy Dean in an argument.
Or that Vanessa would without a doubt steal Lily into a corner and help in the kitchen.
The realization unsettles me enough that I stand and grab my coat.
Luc notices. “You out?”
“Yeah.” I shrug into my jacket. “I’ve got somewhere else I need to be.”
Dean looks offended. “You’ve been here like three hours.”
“That’s almost a hostage situation for Hayden,” Mikey jokes.
“Fair point.” Dean concedes.
Lily appears from the kitchen carrying foil-wrapped leftovers before I can argue further. “Take food.”
“I don’t need?—”
“You’re taking food.” Arguing with Lily feels pointless, so I accept the containers as I drop a kiss to her cheek.
“Tell her I said hi.” She whispers so only I can hear. The words stop me cold. Not because of what Lily said. But because of how easy it was for her to say it. Like Vanessa already belongs here. With us. This family of mine. And they haven’t even met her yet. Something shifts in my chest again.
I nod once. “Yeah. I will.” And for the first time all day, I realize exactly where I want to be.
The drive from Luc’s house to Vanessa’s apartment feels longer than it actually is. Maybe because my head is louder now. Too many thoughts. Too many realizations I’ve spent the last several hours trying not to look at directly.
I love her.
The truth sits heavy and undeniable in my chest, impossible to shove back into whatever locked compartment I use to keep emotions inside. And somehow that changes everything.
The city glows gold and white outside the windshield while November wind rattles dead leaves across dark sidewalks.
Traffic crawls downtown, headlights streaking against wet pavement from the rain earlier this afternoon.
Normally I’d put music on. Tonight, I drive in silence because the noise in my head is loud enough.