Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Candy
I hold Sver’s hand, being careful with the IV.
It’s been hours since he was conscious.
Killian brought him back to Angel’s, the doctor, who everyone weirdly just calls Hank, arriving just after them.
Despite the fact that Sver was drenched in blood, he seemed hyperaware, whispering shit about where I could find money in his apartment and how I should have Killian cut off his thumb to access his apartment and his safe if he died.
It was dark.
But I’m a girl who can handle dark.
What struck me more than the darkness was how he handed me the keys to life just in case something happened to him.
Does that mean that he wasn’t going to leave me? That he might care?
I don’t want to hope. They’ve been dashed so many times. But Sver…he just feels different. Whatever he does out there in the world, when he’s with me, he feels like a shield. Can I tell him that I’d give him every piece of myself if he’d just let me stay in his shadow sometimes?
But I can’t ask him any of this now. Maybe I’ll never be able…
The doctor knocked him out to remove the bullet and he hasn’t woken up since. They’ve been pumping him full of medication and blood for what feels like forever, and every minute that passes that I don’t see his blue-gray eyes makes me feel like they might never open.
Like I might lose him for real.
I heard what he did to get himself shot. Saving Chloe just like he saved me. And I’m so glad that he did. But this tiny part of me hated it. Just a little.
I know it makes me a bad person but I kind of wanted to believe that he saved me because he had feelings for me.
But now I’m wondering if that’s just what he does. A way of making up for what happened in his past with Rebecca.
Killian sits on Sver’s other side, Chloe folded in his lap, asleep. Because I finally can’t stand another second, I ask the question that I keep coming back to. “Who was Rebecca?”
Killian clears his throat. “My brother Win’s fiancée.”
My brow furrows. That makes even less sense than before. “Why would Sver kill your brother’s fiancée?”
“My brother was trying to take a short cut. Made a deal with Ivan Ivanov, A Russian mob boss, to let him use our family property to smuggle drugs into England. When Win wanted to back out, Ivan made Sver kill Rebecca. Ivan knew that Sver was actually Katarina and Sasha’s father.
So he told Sver that if he didn’t act as his assassin, he’d kill the girls. ”
My hand comes to my mouth as that sinks in. Poor Rebecca.
Not that I like Sver less for understanding this about him. With my past, it somehow makes me feel weirdly better, the depths that Sver went to protect his daughters. I wish my family could have given me a tenth of that.
If only one person who was supposed to love me had actually protected me.
I rub my fingertips along the back of Sver’s hand. “I’m so sorry for your brother.”
Killian looks over at me from across Sver’s sleeping form. “Don’t be polite to me, Candy. I lied to you today in order to cause as much pain as possible. Sver was never going to leave you.”
I wince, pain surely showing on my face.
“I did it because I wanted him to suffer. Since Chloe, I’ve worried every day that I might find myself in the same position as Win.
And somehow, because Sver was the man who delivered that pain to Win, I saw him as a threat to Chloe.
Today, my worst fear nearly came true, but Sver wasn’t the man trying to hurt her, he’s the only reason she’s asleep in my lap at this very moment. ”
Maybe I should be angry at Killian. He pushed on my every fear today. Of not being loved, of every person I’ve ever cared about bailing on me.
But all I can feel is sympathy. And a deep longing for someone to love me like Killian does Chloe. “It must have been awful.”
He shakes his head, looking pissed that I’m being nice again. So I reach my free hand across Sver’s body, holding it out to Killian.
He stares at it for a second like it might bite him and then he reaches for my hand. “I don’t touch very many people.” But he slides his fingers into mine.
“Thank you for bringing Sver back to me…” I say, my voice cracking. The fear that’s been nipping at me all day making me shake. “I’m glad Chloe and the baby are safe.” Then I let his hand go. “Take Chloe home. She needs her rest.”
He gives me a small smile. “She’d kill me.” But he brushes a kiss over her forehead.
I look away, giving them their moment. Under my hand, Sver twitches. It makes my pulse jump, though it’s not the first time he’s moved like this. It’s an involuntary movement, but it still fills me with a jolt of hope.
“People don’t really understand me, but she always has. Most of the world treats me with either fear or loathing, but not her.”
I don’t know what to say. Killian mostly scares me.
But he keeps talking. “But you, Candy…you’re really easy to like.”
My head snaps up as I meet his gaze. “You don’t have to be nice now—"
“You’re kind, talented, pretty. I mean, a guy like Vinnie, he’s black right down to his core. It’s a dead end looking for something good in a person like that. And without any good inside, he’ll never be good to you.” His gaze flicks to Sver.
I shrug, pulling in a shaky breath of air. “Maybe I only attract bad because I’m bad.”
“Nah. You’re all right. I mean, you’re probably not going to attract some investment banker.”
I bristle a little. “Because I’m trash?”
“No, because they’re weak assholes. You need a man who can be really strong.” And then he looks at Sver. “Might be that you’ve figured that out already though.”
His phone rings and he slides it from his pocket. “Yeah?”
I don’t listen as I turn back to Sver, sweeping my palm over his cheek.
“Sver,” I whisper. “Please wake up. Please. I just…” I swallow down a lump.
“I haven’t even gotten the chance to tell you that I love you.
Like, really love you. You don’t have to say it back.
You don’t even have to feel it. I just want the chance to show you how much you mean to me. ”
His hand twitches in mine again and then…his eyes flutter open, the blue-gray of his meeting mine. “Baby girl,” he croaks. “My little Candy cane.” His fingers move in my hand.
“You’re awake!”
“I’m awake,” he answers back, using his other hand to swipe at his forehead. “How could I not wake up to words like those?”
“Oh,” I gasp, pulling back a bit. “You heard me.” A brick settles in my stomach as I tense.
“I did.”
“You can pretend you didn’t.” I stumble over the words, bracing for the rejection I’m so afraid will come.
“Every man dreams of a beautiful woman crying over him as she begs him not to leave her.”
I snort, but it’s completely for show. I’m so relieved that I lean forward, kissing his face several times. “I meant what I said.”
“That’s good, because I meant what I said too.” He swipes his other hand down his face in a slow, careful movement.
“What did you say?” But now I’m breathless for a completely different reason.
“I told you to cut off my thumb to access my safe. In my world, that’s love.”
I stare at him, my eyes wide. “Love?”
“I love you. And you and me, we’re a thing.” His eyes close, pain pulling at them.
As much as this moment means, concern replaces all my warm fuzzies. “You all right? Can I do anything?” I ask, standing as I squeeze his hand tighter.
“I feel like death. I hate bullet wounds.”
I scoff as I stare at him. I’ve seen the scars. “This is a regular occurrence?”
His grimace tells me all I need to know. “Somewhat.”
“If we’re a thing, do I get to request that you don’t put yourself in danger quite so often?”
Sver opens his mouth to answer but Killian hangs up the phone and clears his throat. “Win sends his regards.”
“That’s a joke?”
“No. Sincere.” Killian looks toward the far wall, a muscle jumping in his cheek. “He’s still not likely to invite you for Christmas. His words, not mine.”
Sver shakes his head. “I don’t deserve his regards.” He squeezes my hand. “And we don’t need to be friends, Killian. But I’ve got a beautiful woman who needs a real life, as she was just pointing out to me.”
My breath catches in my chest. “Sver. You don’t have to do this for me.”
He snorts. “She’s like that, Killian. Never thinks of herself.”
“I’d already noticed.” Killian nods as Chloe shifts in his arms. “She’s a good egg. I’m sorry for what I threatened the other day. It was wrong.”
I’m not sure I want to know what he’s talking about. And I can’t believe I’m listening to these two men talk about me like this. “I’ve never been referred to as a good egg.”
“It’s not true,” Angel says from the doorway. “Everyone here loves you.”
My lips press together because I can’t believe this is a conversation that’s happening.
Sver gestures for Angel to come in. “I know I didn’t keep my promise with Vinnie.”
“It was Rock who killed him.” Angel waves his hand.
“So that’s not actually true. You did keep your promise, allowing my family to choose the time and place.
” Angel scrubs the back of his neck. “His father, Vincent, has already been apprised of all the facts. It wasn’t pleasant but it’s done.
And Vincent and I are in negotiations as to how this is all resolved. ”
“I like your style, Angel.” Sver nods. “If Killian doesn’t object, I’d like to discuss making my role in your operation…”
“More permanent?” Angel asks, looking at Killian.
My breath catches as I wait for Killian’s answer. Because I know what’s Sver’s doing. He’s trying to stay in New York. Trying to create a life that has more stability for me. Did I say I loved him before? My eyes well with tears.
He sees them, and he squeezes my hand, bringing the back of it to his lips where he places a quick kiss.
Killian lets out a breath through his nostrils. “I could use the help. With a child on the way, my abilities will be hampered. Sver and I could split duty and risk.”
“It’s settled then,” Angel says, patting Sver’s shoulder. “Sver will be joining our operation once he’s back on his feet.”
“Good,” Sver grunts as he looks between Killian and Angel. “Now get the fuck out so that I can talk to my woman.”
My mouth drops open as I stare at Sver. Did he really just call me his woman?