Chapter 17 #2
I sat down, undid my shoes, and slumped against the flower-studded rail, the metal sharp against my back but not sharp enough to make me move.
“Miss Charles, are you all right?”
I looked up at him and shook my head. “I’ve fallen.”
He gave me a quizzical look as he toed the shoes I’d kicked off. “I distinctly saw you sit.”
“Not on the stairs. Through the rabbit hole.”
He raised a brow while his eyes sparkled and his lip curled in a devious smirk. “Ah. Wonderland has finally gone to your head. I was worried it might. And now you’re going to start growing and shrinking at random. One thing, while you’re in the Wonderland state of mind: never follow any rabbits.”
“Particularly ones with pocket watches?” I snagged one of his watches out of a pocket and opened it, frowning at the hands as they went around the pale, cracked face. The watch was old, but it still kept perfect time.
He unclasped the hook from his vest and let me have it then crouched on the bottom step beneath me, leaning on the rail all indolent and lazy. “That is the watch that stops time. You have to will it so, but since you can open my doors, you can probably operate my watches.”
I cocked my head as I studied him. “Why would I want to stop time? It sounds like a terrible waste of magic.”
“It could be helpful to you sometime.”
I raised a brow and leaned over him. “For instance, when I want to stop the dawn from coming?”
He gazed up at me, eyes sparking gloriously alive. “Why would you want to do that? Dawns are notoriously well-liked.”
“Not by the people who want to dance forever.”
“Ah. In the fairy court, they do that sort of thing. In fairyland, not in Europe where the fairy descendants are mingled with such interesting things as demons and sirens. There are positively dreadful creatures with fairy blood who rule there with a great deal of delight.”
“You’re talking about the daffodil prince’s uncle?”
“It seems strange.”
“Suspicious. But let’s not talk about that.” I tried to tuck his watch back into his pocket, but he pressed my fingers around it and pushed it back.
“Keep it.”
I frowned at him. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m not talking about anything, particularly the prince puzzle. I’m giving you a birthday present.”
I stared at the beautiful old watch with magical power that was rare, expensive, and absolutely not something you gave to someone you didn’t care about. Particularly for their birthday.
“You mean, you want to make a deal?” I asked, slowly looking up at him.
He looked away, bored. “I said it’s a gift.”
“But you can’t give someone a gift without getting something in return.”
He smiled and met my eyes, his filled with an aching hunger that made me want to gnaw on some caramels. “Of course I can. I can do anything I like. And right now, I want to give you a happy birthday present.”
“Not like a shopping spree, or dinner, or a magical ball with the prettiest dresses in the world? What am I supposed to get you for your birthday? When is your birthday?”
He smiled with teeth. “Whatever you like. Or nothing at all. Birthdays are free-for-alls. No deals required.”
I opened my mouth while my throat clogged with feelings, and aching, and anger that melted into helpless adoration. Why was he so incredibly sweet?
“In that case, I have something to say.” Did I? Was I going to ask if we could date for real? But what if he said no? What if he laughed at me? What if he offered me a deal? Would I take it?
He raised a brow, intrigued as he leaned toward me, looking up at me in my place above him on the stairs. “Yes?”
“It’s things. I suppose it would be a good time. Unless there is no time, and all passages are arbitrarily lying upon each other in a haphazard slew of nonsense.”
He chuckled and brushed his fingers over mine, sending a swirl of aching pleasure through me.
“That sounded like a true Wonderlandian evasion. You want to say something, but you also don’t want to say it.
How about we play cards? The winner gets a confession from the loser.
” He pulled his magical deck of cards from his inside pocket.
I made a face at him. “Or the loser gets a confession from the winner. There should be some silver lining to losing, don’t you think?”
“Ah. I hadn’t thought of that. Of course you’re right.”
I put a hand on his and stared at him. “No deals. I just love you.” What? I hadn’t meant to say that. What in the world had just come out of my mouth?
He stared at me, and I stared at him, while his pocket watch ticked loudly in my hand.
“Beg your pardon?” he finally said, blinking at me.
I threw up my hands, panic surging up along with this absolute resolve.
I loved him. I’d always love him. I didn’t care how stupid it was.
“I know! You should beg my pardon, because making me fall down the rabbit hole of love with you after you put my own father in a cage is so rude. But I won’t pardon you.
And I don’t think I’ll ever recover. Not that I want a new deal.
I don’t want any deal. I just wonder if we could, perhaps, sort-of date for real.
Do you do real? I’m not sure.” That was what I’d meant to say, date for real, not anything about love.
But my heart was beating so fast, and I felt all sick and shivery and delicious.
I loved him with all my whole soul, my whole heart.
He shifted and frowned down at his cards then up at me. “You love me? Why?”
I sighed heavily. “Because you’re so dear. Because you make my life warm and delicious, and because you’re you. Even with only a partial soul, you’re the best person I know. Even though you’re a devil.”
He shook his head, dark brows furrowing. “Maybe you should meet other people. Also, you don’t know me. You can’t love me.”
I glared at him. “You don’t get to tell me who I do and don’t love. You can say that you couldn’t ever return my feelings, of course, but you can’t say what my feelings are.”
He stared at me. “I’ve had feelings since the rabbit bit you, and even before that.
You are so very sweet, and I am so tired of living in a world that is rotten and corrupt, empty of all beauty and light.
You fill my life with unimaginable happiness that I could never deserve.
But what are feelings to a devil with no heart and only half a soul? ”
My soul trembled at his words. I grabbed his silky fingers too tightly.
“I’m not worried about you loving me. It’s like birthday presents.
It just is what it is, without any obligation of presents in return or love in return.
I shouldn’t have told you, I didn’t mean to, just the part about dating for real, because pretending to date when I’m madly in love with you is getting awkward.
Like the kiss earlier. And snuggling your rabbit.
Wouldn’t it be nice to snuggle you? It would be.
Very nice.” I smiled at him, trying to keep my voice light without any of the desperation that was starting to creep in.
What if my declaration disgusted him so much that he told me to stop and focus on the deal?
“I don’t have a heart,” he said slowly, regretfully.
“Oh. You can only date for real if your heart is around? I bet you could make a deal with someone and get their heart.”
He slowly reached up and brushed my hair back from my face, around my ear, fingers lingering on my skin while my pulse pounded and I ached in the most pleasantly agonizing way.
“I’ve been dating you for real from the beginning,” he finally said in a low voice, smooth and silky as caramel ganache.
“From the beginning like after the hospital?”
“From the beginning like when you stepped into my garden with your blood spilling in the air, declaring your goodness, your sweetness, your magic.”
I frowned at him. “How can you date without a soul?”
He smiled slowly then his body convulsed, and he gripped his chest, where he would’ve had a heart if he hadn’t lost it somewhere.
“That looks painful,” I said, staring at the grimace on his face. “I’m sorry to cause you so much pain.”
He looked at me, his own eyes desperate and horrified, before he disappeared in a puff of smoke that smelled of lilacs and citrus.