Chapter 1
CHAPTER ONE
Noah Hanover stepped into the library of Princess Anne High School and took a seat at the open table in the middle of the club room designated for Mateo and him, as his special guest. Today was a distinct occasion.
Not only was it the twentieth anniversary of their first date, but also the first official meeting of the LGBTQA+ Alliance club.
After the mission with Bexley—Bex to her friends and family—and listening to her experiences at the high school, Mateo and Noah agreed there needed to be a safe space for all the kids who were part of the LGBTQA+ community to gather and just be themselves.
For at least an hour a day, they could forget about their worries, their fears, and the strain of parental/social expectations and have fun.
Something Noah learned the hard way over the years.
When the last bell rang, he glanced up as the students began to fill the hallway.
Mateo hadn’t told him whether there’d be a large contingency of students or just a handful.
Didn’t matter to Noah. As long as those who came found the solace they needed or the encouragement to be their authentic selves, that was all that mattered to him.
Noah snorted to himself.
What was he saying? It took until Noah met Mateo to understand the building feelings within him.
To have this ah-ha moment where everything clicked, and it all made sense.
He’d dated women while coveting men since he was fourteen.
Obviously, any pubescent boy popping his first boner would be obsessed with seeing any type of naked pictures.
Noah, however, enjoyed the male form just as much, if not more, than the female body.
Still, expressing such to his conservative family wasn’t easy, so he hid his predilections and feelings from them.
He went ultra on the manly thing, bulking up during his formative years, lifting weights, doing all the things a guy was supposed to do in a gender perfect role.
Noah played football. Dated a cheerleader.
Got his first and limited taste of pussy then, too.
He enjoyed himself in a restricted way. In doing so, it wasn’t fulfilling.
It lacked...something. He didn’t have the words to explain what that something was, until his experienced his first blow job and sex with a guy.
Then it all clicked into place.
Noah went from thinking he knew what pleasure was and what it meant to be attracted to someone, to a full-on sexual awakening while also realizing he’d been harming himself and his needs.
He couldn’t say whether he’d been angry because he’d been hiding his truth all those years or felt bad for his inner kid, the boy from Carlsbad, California who hid in the shadows.
Because once he found himself at nineteen—still too young to understand—but old enough to recognize the truth, he was ready to deploy on his first tour of Afghanistan.
Had he wasted too many years being what his parents wanted, instead of who he was? Would he ever make it back home?
Obviously, Noah couldn’t say that to a bunch of kids. His existential crisis of conscience came because of his shortcomings and recriminations, but he hoped his story helped them be a little kinder to themselves.
Or at least give them the courage to try.
The door opened a few seconds later, and there he stood.
The man Noah would kill for and had. The one man who stole his breath every time he walked into a room was Mateo.
His husband. His partner in life and love.
The father of Noah’s daughter. The air he breathed.
The meaning of everything he held dear. Noah’s one and only.
The one thing that made his fucked up, scarred, shadowed life worth living.
Noah grinned, crooking his finger at his husband, who looked exhausted and revitalized at the same time. “Fancy meeting you here, Mr. Aquino.”
“Are you spying on me?” He quirked a brow, dropping his bag and travel mug on the table next to where Noah sat.
“Should I be seeking a restraining order? You’re always showing up unannounced as it is.
Following me. Whispering lewd words when you stand behind me.
.. It’s almost like you believe we’re in a relationship or something equally risqué. What would your husband say?”
Noah smirked, adjusting his pants so his dick didn’t pop a tent when he stood up.
“What can I say,” he shrugged, “I can’t stop thinking about you or that thing you did with your mouth this morning before you left for work.
” His gaze lingered on the scar at the edge of Mateo’s scalp and forehead, a reminder of when Mateo had been kidnapped and fought with his attacker.
Guilt and reproach swirled within Noah’s chest, pushing back some of his arousal.
That little line was the biggest reminder of what lying by omission almost cost him.
“Sounds obsessive,” Mateo whispered. His square-framed glasses accentuated his beautiful dark-brown eyes flecked with golden ember. His full, lush mouth tugged into a smile that transformed his tired features into those of a god.
“You have no idea,” he murmured, running a hand up and down his thigh. “I missed you.”
Mateo chuckled. “You saw me this morning.”
“Not the same.” He laced his fingers with Mateo’s. “Guess I’m just the lucky son of a bitch who gets to come home to you and our daughter every night.”
Mateo’s features softened as he shook his head. “No, I am.”
The door squeaked open, breaking the moment between them as two students walked into the meeting room of the library.
Both looked like they were about to shit their pants.
While the boy on the right’s cheeks flamed a brilliant shade of red.
Been there. Done that. Got that participation certificate.
The one on the left seemed angrier than anything.
Like he didn’t want to be there, but the boy on the right made him come.
“Ah, you’re here, Davi,” Mateo said, grabbing the sign-in sheet from his bag. “I’m so glad you made it.”
“Thanks, Mr. Aquino,” the shy boy said, cutting his gaze toward Noah. “Art ran a little longer than I thought.”
“I just arrived, too,” he replied in kind. “It’s been a very long day.”
Noah frowned.
Long days consisted of Drama Club meetings or, in worst-case scenarios, the discipline committee.
Had someone gotten into trouble? He glanced at Mateo, trying to decipher the answer when the door opened again, and three more students joined them.
Noah pushed away from the table, giving the students room to sign in while also gathering his thoughts.
It wasn’t like he could tell the kids what he did to figure himself out.
Knowing his luck, they’d blab to their friends, and the parents would chew his and Mateo’s asses for oversharing.
However, he had one story he’d never told anyone.
Not even Asher. About the only one who knew about that night was Drew, and so far, the guy hadn’t said shit about it to anyone.
Then again, Noah doubted Drew wanted anyone to know about his trips to Pasties or the debauched things that kinky bastard enjoyed in those back rooms.
“You’re thinking really hard over here,” Mateo said, joining Noah. “I’ve called your name three times, and I don’t think you heard me once.”
Noah jerked. Fuck, he was already screwing this up. “Sorry...” he exhaled. “I was trying to think of what I wanted to tell the students today.”
“The first day is always the hardest,” Mateo said, squeezing his hand. “Especially when you haven’t told anyone about yourself to keep others safe.”
Yeah. Something like that.
“I didn’t think it would be this hard to put into words what it’s like,” he said, keeping his tone low, so as not to draw the students’ attention.
“I’m not embarrassed or afraid. I’ve kept everything private to protect you, and that went to shit.
Saying it out loud now, after everything is.
.. Unnerving in a way. What if I’m putting them in harm’s way, too? ”
Mateo sighed. “This is why I love you, mi amor.” He brushed a kiss across Noah’s cheek. “Always so worried about everyone else.”
That was him in a nutshell. Serve and defend wasn’t just a motto for Noah. He lived and breathed the saying along with the SEAL mottos. “Never quit” and “the only easy day was yesterday.” “After everything we’ve been through, you’re damn right I do.”
“My hero.” Mateo chuckled. “Come on, the kids are waiting. I bet they’re going to have all kinds of questions for you.”
The door opened one last time, and there she was, Bex.
The second love of his life and Mateo’s.
She was alone, which surprised him. Usually, wherever she was, Alé and Bronx weren’t far behind.
She greeted Noah with a broad smile and a golden tan from being in California for several weeks on a mission.
She called him her papa bear, and fuck if that didn’t melt Noah’s heart.
She felt safe with him and Mateo. In some ways, Noah was unworthy of her love.
This version of her standing before them wasn’t the painfully awkward, abused girl they’d met in the gym during the career fair.
No, this was their daughter. Strong, independent, thoughtful, intelligent, and above all, resilient.
She’d trained just like everyone else, earning her spot on the team.
But for Noah and Mateo, she’d always be their little girl.
Noah nodded in her direction and winked, earning him another of her smiles. Fuck, I’ll never get enough of those, either.
After formal introductions, Mateo made a few announcements about their first meeting, then reminded them they needed to fill the executive positions within the group.
Surprisingly, there were almost twenty students in the room.
“Signups will be here at the table before you leave this afternoon.” When the murmurs subsided, Mateo motioned to Noah.
“I thought we’d start this first meeting with our stories.
As some of you know, this is Noah Hanover.
He was here last year for the job fair. He’s also my husband.
So, let’s give a warm welcome to Second Commander, Noah Hanover. ”
Noah stared at their open, inquisitive gazes, wondering what they were thinking as they clapped.
Some kids were out and proud of themselves.
Others like Bex and her teammate, Jacolbi, pushed their sexuality down deep until it made life hard to traverse.
Noah... He’d like to believe it’d been the first blow job by a guy that was his awakening.
But the day he met Mateo? He knew one day they’d be married.
“As Mateo said, I’m Noah. I’m an ex-Navy SEAL and a member of an organization that polices government agencies on a federal level, along with their military operations.
I’m a father to our adopted daughter Bexley—Bex—to her friends, and I’m queer.
I don’t do the whole pronoun thing. It’s just not me.
But if you have them, I’ll use them and respect your choices and who you are.
” He cut his gaze toward Mateo, and the corner of his mouth twitched.
“Also, today is the twentieth anniversary of mine and Mattie’s first date. ”
Mateo’s cheeks darkened to a rich cognac color.
“Wait,” one of the kids said, his gaze bouncing between him and Mateo, “so, you’re actually, like, married-married? To each other?”
Noah reached into the neck of his drab green shirt and pulled out his dog tags.
Attached to the worn and tarnished ball chain—the one he’d had since basic—were two tin plates, one would go to Mateo and the other to Bexley in the event of his death, and the golden wedding band Mateo picked out for him almost ten years ago.
The black silicone band on his ring finger, something he’d only started wearing after Mateo was taken, was mission-specific and for times like these when he was on duty, fulfilling an assignment he believed in.
All the married or otherwise taken members of the team began doing so as well.
Even Bex. “Ten years. As soon as SCOTUS said it was legal, but we’d had a commitment ceremony a few years prior. ”
“We’ve been together for twenty years, though,” Mateo added. “Since our first ‘date.’
Somehow, Noah knew telling the story of how they met wasn’t going to be the best PG or even G-rated story, but if it allowed the students to see their lives had meaning and they belonged as well, he’d tell the story every day for the rest of his life.
“However, to understand how we got here, you have to go back to the year 2006,” Noah said. “When Mateo was a college nerd, and I was fresh out of SEAL BUD/s training...”