Chapter 1
CHAPTER ONE
GEORGIA
If only he’d been present, the day would have been perfect.
I’d managed not to stumble through my valedictory speech, as I scanned the crowd looking for him.
Disappointment sat like a boulder upon my shoulders when I didn’t find him.
A little of my happiness would always be tied to him.
Most people would say that sounded pitiful, ridiculous, and desperate.
Big Momma always said that boy had my nose wide open.
I didn’t care; I’d loved Caleb McQuade since kindergarten when he sat next to me on the swings during recess and kept me company while I cried.
It was the first time my young heart could even fathom caring for someone other than Big Momma Everdeen, my crazy cousin Sadie, who was forever getting me in trouble, or Mr. Beans, the yellow gingham rabbit I used to haul around like a support animal.
The heatwave rolling through Maysboro, Kentucky made the air sticky and moist. And after wearing my graduation cap for the last few hours, my curls had fallen.
Despite being a soggy mess, I endured the dozens of pictures my grandmother was hellbent on taking, insisting on a few more every time another one of my friends walked up to congratulate me.
I managed to extricate myself from Big Momma, her camera, and my aunts, uncles, and cousins who had driven in for the event.
On the way to the car, I vigorously fanned my face, hoping to stir up some cool air to soothe my hot skin.
It wasn’t working. I ripped off my graduation gown, ready to be rid of the itchy, unflattering garment.
Once I tossed my cap and gown in the backseat of my grandmother’s, big boat of a car, a 1995 Lincoln Continental, I rooted around for a hair tie, which I finally found in the ashtray.
My grandmother didn’t smoke so we always kept spare change or odds and ends in there.
I secured my curls in a messy topknot.
“That’s better.” I said to myself as I checked out my handiwork in the rearview mirror
The moment I stepped from the car someone grabbed me.
“Hey Slim, how’s it feel to be done?” Fletcher McQuade, the second oldest McQuade, and my fellow graduate flung his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side.
“We’re free.” His wide grin not only lit up his eyes, but I could see all the teeth in his mouth.
Unlike his brother, Fletcher was the funny one, always quick with some witty remark, comeback, or takedown. He’d hated school. Let me correct that Flecther loved the socializing school provided but hated the learning part.
I couldn’t help looking over my shoulder, wondering if Caleb had finally shown up.
“He’s not home yet.” Fletcher said in a casual tone.
“What?” My anxiousness made the word come out in a squeak.
For a moment, Fletcher didn’t respond as he steered me back towards the school and the loitering groups of high school graduates, families and friends.
“Caleb. He’s not home yet. He got a flat on the way here. That’s why he missed the graduation.”
When his gaze caught mine, I gulped when I saw the knowledge of my secret written there. How long had he known? I fully expected him to taunt and tease me over my infatuation with his brother, but it never came.
Fletcher cleared his throat and ushered me through the crowd.
“Pop wanted to congratulate you.”
Before I could respond, Fletcher’s father loomed over me.
“There you are.” He pulled me into a quick bear hug and then pulled me away from his body to peer at me.
“Slim, your speech was something else. I know Emory will be lucky to have you.”
The fatherly praise he showered on me made me blush. Briefly, I wished my parents were alive to witness the moment for themselves.
I plastered on a smile to cover the sadness trying to creep in. “Thank you, Mr. McQuade.”
He released me and playfully punched Fletcher in the shoulder. “If only you’d rubbed off on this one.”
“Stupid, is the only thing that rubbed off on Fletcher.” Ram, the baby of the family said, smiling brightly after the quip left his mouth. His given name was Ramsay. Everyone affectionately called him Ram on account of him ramming everyone’s legs with his head when he was a toddler.
Fletcher punched his brother in the arm before grabbing him in a headlock and giving him a noogie. “Ugly’s the only thing that rubbed off on you.”
Their rough housing made me laugh and forget the lurking gloom that seconds ago threatened to eclipse everything.
The McQuade brothers became a second home to me, always including me in family events, letting me hang out and tag along whenever I showed up.
And were a constant source of support, my personal cheer squad, and protection without me ever having to ask.
They were the ones who coined the moniker, Slim.
As a young girl, I’d been all knees and elbows.
Yet, another idiom Big Momma loved to use.
Mr. McQuade glanced around the courtyard.
“Now where’s your grandmother? Ya’ll are still coming to the barbecue tonight, right? I told her she could bring any family that came into town.”
He paused and leveled me with a look.
“She is bringing her famous blackberry cobbler?”
Mr. McQuade was salivating as he asked the question.
“Like you even need to ask.” His serious concern over Big Momma’s famous dessert being present at the barbecue elicited a genuine chuckle from me. “You know the answer is yes on both accounts.”
A half-eaten piece of butter cake sat on my plate. Even though it was a couple hours into the feast that had taken place, the scent of grilled meat still permeated the air, tempting me past my limit. I’d eaten so much my stomach felt like it would pop.
The picnic bench dipped slightly as someone sat next to me. When I looked up Big Momma was mopping her brow with a handkerchief, I knew she stored in her bra.
“I been out in this heat all day, Gigi. My old bones are tired, and your grandma needs some rest.”
We both giggled.
Big momma was the only one who got away with calling me Gigi. She’d done so since I was a little girl.
“I suppose you’re going to be sticking around?” Big Momma gave me the tell-tale, side-eye.
My grandmother didn’t necessarily approve of my strong feelings for Caleb, but she didn’t discourage me either.
Ignoring her inference that I was waiting to catch a glimpse of Caleb, I glanced out at the McQuade’s wide back lawn. Only a few partygoers still hung around.
“It would be rude of me not to stay and help clean up.”
It was a lame excuse, but I knew Big Momma wouldn’t argue with me for exercising the good manners she’d instilled in me.
Big Momma heaved herself from the picnic bench. “All right. I’ll leave the porch light on.”
A short while after she left, the rest of the remaining guests departed. I grabbed a garbage bag and helped the boys clean up the remnants of the party.
It wasn’t the sight of him that made my hand still on the red Solo cup, or the deep timbre of his southern drawl that made the skin prickle on the back of my neck.
I had become so attuned with his presence when he was near, I knew the minute he stepped out on the back porch.
It was like the energy in my body was in sync with his.
“Caleb.” Ram shouted in that child-like way he still exhibited on rare occasions despite being sixteen.
I turned and watched Ram run to Caleb and jump on him, like I wished I could. Fletcher tried to play it much cooler, but in his eyes shone the depth of his admiration for his older brother.
The brothers shared an unshakeable bond. Anyone who was ever in their vicinity saw it whenever they were together.
Caleb embraced his brothers and then turned his green-eyed gaze on me.
“Slim.”
Whenever his deep voice dragged out the one syllable in my nickname it sounded like a caress.
I longed to hear him call me by my real name, but despite that, my insides quivered with want at his acknowledgement.
There was only three years that separated us, but he’d always treated me with a long-handled spoon.
He never greeted me the way the rest of the men in his family did with smiles and hugs.
He wasn’t exactly unfriendly, but he wasn’t cordial either.
Why couldn’t he see me as more than just some…
I wasn’t sure what he saw me as or what he thought of me.
Once his brothers released him, Caleb shoved his hands in his pockets and took a couple of tentative steps towards me. “Pop said I missed a speech for the ages.”
Most men would have smiled after delivering a line like that, but not Caleb. I wasn’t sure I’d ever really seen him smile. Maybe the ghost of one once. But to me he was so beautiful, he didn’t need to. The stoic expression he wore made my heart fall into my knees.
“I think…” I took a breath to steady my voice. “I think big Momma or one of my aunts recorded it.”
Ram broke the moment I felt like we were having, reminding me we weren’t alone.
“Caleb, I can’t wait for you to check out this new game Pop got me for my Xbox.”
When Caleb turned away to address Ram, I returned to collecting discarded cups and bits of trash.
I ear hustled while the brothers caught up, occasionally peering over my shoulder to watch Caleb.
Of course, Fletcher and Ram monopolized the whole conversation.
Caleb didn’t say a word. I knew he was content to let his brothers speak.
It wasn’t long before the newness of having their brother home had worn off and Fletcher and Ram wandered inside, probably to play video games.
My heart beat an erratic rhythm at finally being alone with him.
The cicada’s song filled the night. I swiped at a mosquito and cast a glance in his direction.
Surprise choked me when I found him looking back.
It almost seemed like he’d been studying me.
He didn’t say a word or look away in embarrassment at being caught.
He just continued staring at me with the same look he’d worn earlier.
“Is everything okay?” I asked, unnerved, looking at my dress for stains and then touching the messy bun on my head. “Is there a bug on me?”
I was rooted to the spot under his scrutiny.
Why was he looking at me like that?