Chapter 2
CHAPTER TWO
CALLIOPE
Writing a profile is no different from writing a synopsis for a book.
I must make sure it has a hook to grab the reader.
The reader being Mr. Con Job. For now, that’s what I’m calling him.
I went through numerous profiles looking for the most vulnerable.
I took something from each one and came up with this.
I usually don’t have to worry about Gramercy liking my work but, since this is about her, I am a little nervous.
Hello, I’m Gramercy and yes, I was named after a very famous New York City park.
At least, my parents didn’t choose Prospect Park!
Although, I do love the concerts in that park.
Anyway, I’m a caretaker for my grandfather, which doesn’t afford me much time for dating.
I love trying new restaurants or experiencing off-Broadway shows.
I like all animals as long as someone else is taking care of them.
I believe in setting goals however small they may be.
This month, I’m aiming to finish the New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle.
I say that every month, but I’ve been at it for years and I think I’m close.
If you’re interested in grabbing a meal and enjoying some adult company, give me a wave.
I’ll go over it with Gramercy and end up tweaking it, but at least I’ve got the basics down.
In all my excitement, I forgot to go over the dates we sent our clients out on this week.
Gramercy coaches them on how to use the website and getting them to the first date.
I coach them on how to act and what to expect on the date.
We really make a great team. We are much better at handling other peoples’ love life.
As far as I’m concerned, I don’t need a man to complete me.
I’ve never been married; it wasn’t in the cards for me.
Now, it’s more for financial reasons that I don’t get married.
That is, unless a billionaire comes knocking on my door.
I started out doing freelance writing for whomever would pay me.
Once I started self-publishing, I put all my focus on the books I was putting out.
I started with two books a year and before I knew it, I was doing one book a month!
Gramercy warned me I would get burnt out, but I didn’t listen.
Then one day, I hit a wall. I couldn’t put any words together.
I felt everything I was coming up with was trash.
I mentally shut down. That’s when Gramercy came to me and proposed the dating coach thing.
It hit me that I needed socialization just as much as the folks I’m mentoring.
I found my way out of the dark. Now, I put out a book when I want to, not on anyone’s schedule or timeline.
I write rom-com, so I’m taking cues from all the mishaps in my clients’ lives, as well as my own, and I channel them into my work.
I grab my notes and head over to Gramercy’s place so we can go over everything before she does her next blog post.
GRAMERCY
I make some notes for my blog post, but I realize I didn’t get anything from Calliope.
I’m about to call her when the intercom lights up with her smiling face.
I buzz her in and prepare to hear Chica yapping away.
It doesn’t matter that this is a prewar building and it’s supposed to be quieter, Chica’s high-pitch barking can penetrate the walls.
I attempt to head downstairs to cut off the ensuing mayhem that I know is coming, just as Calliope comes barreling in totally flustered.
She hugs Grandpa Jerry quickly before running upstairs and nearly knocking me over.
“I forgot to give you my notes for the blog post. Grandpa Jerry wants me to have coffee with him,” she shouts out as if I’m blocks away.
“He can wait till we finish this. How many did we have this weekend?”
“We had two, and both were bad dates. The first one, Irene, finally had a face-to-face date with Mark after they were going back and forth for weeks. She said it started out okay, however, two-thirds of the way through the date, Mark asked her if she wears socks.”
I nearly spit out my coffee. “Are you joking? Was Mark joking?” She throws her head back and laughs.
“Wait, Gramercy, it gets worse. When she told him no, he said he would prefer her to wear socks and, at the end of each date, give them to him. It seems he collects them.”
“Oh, my word. I’ve heard of some crazy fetishes, but that one takes the cake. She’s not considering going out with him again, is she?”
“Thankfully, no, I’m trying to persuade her not to give up on the whole dating thing altogether.”
“What else do you have?”
“I saved the best for last. Dedra’s date kept looking at his watch every five minutes.
Finally, when she asked him if he had someplace else to be, he said he only came on the date to win a bet.
He then asked her if she wanted in on the date club.
She only had to come up with a five hundred dollars for a buy in.
Then the club made bets on the dates. He had to show up and have the date last thirty minutes.
Taking the date home or to a hotel gives you bonus points. ”
“And you wonder why I don’t want to date.” Even to me, my voice holds a bitter note. “What did Dedra end up doing? I mean I know what I would have done, but she’s always so optimistic and kind.”
“When he was done explaining everything, instead of being appalled, she went into a long explanation on Ponzi Schemes and why his plan was destined to fail. When she was done, he got up and left, leaving her with the bill. The bartender heard the whole thing and ripped up the tab.”
“She probably should have tried to get to know the bartender. He sounds like he was a decent guy.”
“The thought crossed her mind, but she soon realized he bats for the other team. I just hope this doesn’t turn her off to the whole online dating thing.”
“I don’t think it will, she was pretty adamant she wanted to get into a relationship sooner rather than later. I promised her we will help her make that happen, and I always keep my promises.” She shifts her eyes around the room while avoiding mine. It makes me wonder what she’s not telling me.
“Calliope, you’ve never been one to hold back or beat around the bush; why don’t you just tell me whatever it is you are trying to work up enough nerve to tell me?”
“After I did your profile, I sat back with my wine, which, of course, makes everything clearer, and I decided I want to make a profile for myself.” She exhales like she’s about to blow out one-hundred birthday candles. “That’s what has you so nervous?”
“Well, yeah it does. I mean I never looked for a long-term serious relationship before. I never felt the need.”
I know she had been through something when she was younger, but we never talked about it. I figured if she wanted me to know, she would have told me. Either way, I’m always here for her. Maybe this is that time, maybe she is finally ready.
“You never told me why you’ve never had a long-term relationship and I never prodded. Are you ready to talk to me about it now?” I see the tears well up in her eyes and now I’m feeling really bad, but I can’t take the words back.
“What I’m about to tell you, I never told another living soul.
When I was eleven, I was sexually abused by my father’s uncle.
I was home sick with the flu from school that day.
My mom was at work, and my dad had just gotten home from his shift at the coal mine.
My uncle came over to watch the baseball game with Dad.
They were having beers and cheering on their team.
I was in my room trying to get some sleep when my uncle came in.
At first, I thought he took a wrong turn trying to find the bathroom.
But when he put his hand over my mouth, I knew something was wrong.
He forced himself on me, but the worse part was my dad walked by my room on the way to the bathroom and saw him.
He did nothing, Gramercy, he just kept on walking.
I wanted to tell my mom what happened, but after my father did nothing, I figured she wouldn’t believe me.
After that, I made sure to never be around when I knew he was coming.
From that day on, I swore off men. I probably should have told my mom or at least gotten some therapy when I was older, but I never did. ”
I take her hands and wrap them in both of mine. I push the acid back down my throat and try to maintain my composure.
“I’m so sorry this happened to you. Is this why you’ve denied yourself any kind of relationship?” Her tears begin to fall. I finally let go of her hands and pass her a box of tissues.
“You know, it’s been said that behind every great comedian is a very sad clown. I think that’s why I write rom-com. I put my focus on being funny, so I don’t have to face my own demons.”
“So, why now? What makes you feel like you are finally ready?”
“Gramercy, you are the strongest person I know. You’ve been knocked down more times than I care to count and yet, you get right back up again.
When I wrote the profile for you, I thought, ‘here we are at an age when we are on the top of the slope with the skis on and, once again, you are giving it your all.’ I’m tired of sitting in the bleachers.
I want to be up front and center. I know it’s going to take a special guy and that I’ve got a lot to do, but I’m ready to try.
And, as my best friend, I knew you will support me.
” She grabs my hand again and squeezes it.
I want to be everything she thinks I am, if for nothing else; to see her start a new chapter in life.
I open the mini fridge in the office and pull out what’s left of last night’s Riesling and pour us each a glass.
I hold my glass up. “Here is to new beginnings . . . for both of us.” We clink our glasses and as the cool wine slides down my dry throat, it hits me that we are both moving on to a new, big adventure.